Anna Barnes - How to Be Resilient: Tips and Techniques to Help You Summon Your Inner Strength

HOW TO BE RESILIENT

This revised and extended edition copyright Summersdale Publishers Ltd, 2018

First published as The Little Book of Resilience in 2016

Text by Katherine Bassford

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a machine language, without the written permission of the publishers.

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INTRODUCTION

Life has its ups and downs, and knowing how to adapt to adversity is essential to our health and happiness. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from the difficulties we all face. The good news is that psychologists have identified methods and strategies that enable us to navigate through crisis and overcome misfortune. You dont have to be a self-help guru to be resilient it is within us all. By making some small changes to your lifestyle, and by thinking positively, you can weather whatever storms come your way. This book is packed with simple tips, inspirational statements and encouraging quotations to help you build your inner strength and tackle the tough times with hope and resolve.

RESILIENCE FOR EVERY DAY

EXPECT GOOD THINGS

If youre always focusing on the negative and waiting for things to go wrong, your life will reflect that. The quickest way to recover from a setback is to tell yourself that things will get better. An optimistic outlook will lift your mood. It will motivate you to take action and persevere, which will drastically increase your chances of success. As Winston Churchill famously said, Im an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else. From now on, focus on things going right. Try visualising what could be possible, rather than worrying about what you fear. Envisaging the light at the end of the tunnel can fuel you with the strength to get through a tough patch.

WHATEVER GOOD THINGS WE BUILD END UP BUILDING US.

JIM ROHN

GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE

Life isnt easy and there will be many struggles along the way, such as confronting big events like moving home or when we experience the loss of a friendship. Some people accept that change is part of life and find it easier to deal with. They understand that in order for things to improve, they may need to go through some discomfort and uncertainty whether thats going to job interviews or meeting a financial advisor to sort out their money troubles. For others, change is a real challenge. You can build up your resilience by stepping outside of your comfort zone more frequently so that you become used to change. Start off simply, by trying new things sampling a food you havent tasted before, going for a walk in a place you havent been to previously and so on. If youre feeling more adventurous, you could try new experiences that have daunted you in the past volunteer in your community, learn to play an instrument, or try your hand at painting. Every time you step outside of your comfort zone, youll increase your tolerance for uncertainty. It may be hard at first but the rewards in the end will be worth it. With uncertainty come new experiences and opportunities.

STRUGGLES LEAD TO STRENGTH

The strongest tree in the forest is not the one that is protected from the wind and rain. The strongest trees are those that are exposed to the elements. They develop deep roots and stout trunks in order to survive. In the same way, the struggles we face and overcome in life make us stronger. Reminding yourself of this fact can help you weather the storms of life.

THE BAMBOO THAT BENDS IS STRONGER THAN THE OAK THAT RESISTS.

JAPANESE PROVERB

RESILIENCE ISNT ABOUT HOW MUCH SUFFERING YOU CAN TAKE

If you are struggling with some aspect of your life, take a step back and approach the problem from a different angle. Imagine you are looking at the issue through a different lens. After a bit of reflection you might be surprised by how inconsequential your concern now seems.

Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.

ECKHART TOLLE

CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE

We all experience bad days and crises in our lives, but how we respond to these situations is up to us. When something bad happens, we can choose to react negatively, or we can opt to remain calm and look for a solution. We often fall into the habit of reacting to situations in the same way. Its important to realise that the way you react is up to you. When faced with a setback, pause for a moment and consciously decide how you would like to respond. So, next time you drop your phone and smash the screen think, its very annoying, but it can be repaired and that will cost, so Ill have to cut back on something to afford it, but its not the end of the world.

HAPPINESS IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION

FIND YOUR CALLING

A sense of purpose can enable us to overcome challenges that might otherwise overwhelm us. It can give us the determination to keep going, despite discomfort. This is best summed up by a quote from the philosopher Nietzsche: He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. To find your purpose, identify what youre drawn to. Which moments make you feel authentic, as if you are doing something you were truly made for? Perhaps you have experienced this feeling when organising an event, looking after an animal or child, writing a letter to a friend or creating a work of art. You may have also experienced flow a state in which youre so immersed in what youre doing that time seems to disappear. Look at what gives your life meaning and trust what your heart tells you. A strong sense of purpose will fill you with motivation and enthusiasm, and help you to transcend the ups and downs of life.

BREATHE INTO TENSION

If you encounter a difficult situation today, notice which parts of your body feel tense and breathe into the area to help you relax. For example, if you carry tension in your shoulders, feel your breath filling your lungs, expanding your chest and try to let your shoulder muscles relax and send your breath to that area of your body. Remind yourself that challenging moments always pass. For example, if you realise you might miss your bus and therefore will be late, as you rush to get to the bus stop your adrenalin levels will rise making you feel nervous. However, that adrenalin will help you speed up and catch the bus, and the uncomfortable feeling will disperse once you are on your way.