50 TIPS TO BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE
Copyright Summersdale Publishers Ltd, 2014
With research by Elanor Clarke
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Contents
Introduction
When you think of a confident person, you may conjure up images of someone who is well presented, smiling, happy and comfortable talking in a crowd or addressing an audience. The fact is, though, the person in your mind's eye could still have inner confidence issues. Confidence is about believing in your abilities, and projecting this belief with your demeanour and actions, allowing others to see the best side of you. These easy-to-follow tips can help you understand what affects confidence, and learn how to build yours to a healthy level. If, however, you feel your confidence issues are strongly affecting your day-to-day life, it is recommended that you seek advice from your doctor.
SECTION ONE:
UNDERSTANDING CONFIDENCE
The key to being able to improve a situation is first to understand it. Knowing how low self-confidence can affect you, and being aware of your triggers, is a valuable way to start working on building your confidence.
Keep a confidence diary
In order to understand your confidence issues, take some time to work out what your triggers are, and when your confidence is at its highest or lowest points. Choose a notebook that reflects your personality, be it a simple notepad or an illustrated diary, as you are more likely to want to pick up and use something you like the look of. Keep it where you are most likely to use it by the bed, in the kitchen, wherever you think you will pick it up; but if you are concerned about a loved one delving into your notes, it could be kept in a drawer or cupboard that is easily accessible. The act of writing down how you feel, and what your confidence levels are like from day to day, will not only help you keep track of what may cause a bout of low confidence, it will also be cathartic. Remember to write down the high points as well as the lows; the diary will give you something to refer back to on low-confidence days, reminding you that things can be better.
Know your triggers
Once you have been keeping your diary for a while, you are likely to start noticing some patterns. It may be that there are certain situations which always knock your confidence, or that talking to a certain friend always gives you a boost. The people and situations which cause your confidence levels to drop are known as 'triggers', and one of the simplest things you can do to help break this cycle of low confidence is to avoid them. A friend who makes you feel bad about yourself is not a true friend; a class which leaves you feeling low is not having a positive effect on your life. If you cannot completely avoid your triggers, then use the tips that follow as a means to cope with them and to gradually change them.
See a more confident you
When starting out on a journey of self-improvement, it can be hard to see what the end result will be. It is easy to become bogged down in the 'what ifs' a situation brings to mind, and this is where visualisation can help. Sitting in a comfortable chair, in a relaxed position, close your eyes and begin to focus on your breathing. There is no need to breathe more slowly, just pay attention to your natural breathing patterns. Next, start to build a picture in your head of how a more confident you would look and act. Where are you? Who is with you? Notice the details and enjoy the feeling of confidence from within. While you are working on building your confidence, take this mental image with you and see it as something to look forward to.
Where are you confident?
An important question to ask yourself is, where do you feel most and least confident? This is not just a question of location although for some people certain places bolster their confidence or make them feel worse it is more about the areas of your life you feel are at polar opposites where your confidence is concerned. Someone may, for example, feel that they have raised their family well, and be confident as a parent, whilst lacking in confidence when it comes to work. Knowing the areas, both physical and emotional, which affect your confidence can help you to build your confidence levels. At first, situations or places which knock your confidence can be avoided when it is already at a low point, and later you can work on altering the way you perceive and feel about these situations using the tips in this book, particularly those which emphasise mindfulness.
SECTION TWO:
EXERCISE FOR BODY CONFIDENCE
Feeling comfortable in your own skin is one of the most effective ways to boost your confidence. Regular exercise can help you achieve your goals both physically and emotionally. As well as toning your muscles, it helps relaxation and reduces stress, all adding up to a positive, confidence-building formula.
Walk tall
Starting to exercise can be daunting, especially if your confidence is already rather low. Joining a gym or going to a group class can seem like the last thing you would want to do. However, exercise can be as simple as going for a walk. Just a half-hour walk each day can significantly improve your health and emotional well-being. You can fit this in on the way to work, at lunchtime or whenever feels right for you. The best walks are in daylight, in natural surroundings. Not only will being outdoors offer a natural boost, helping you feel better and lifting your spirits, but the exercise itself will also produce endorphins, making you feel great, and seeing your body shape start to improve is bound to give your confidence a lift.
Swim towards a more confident you
Swimming is one of the most effective forms of exercise, both in terms of giving you a full-body workout and in allowing you to relax and unwind. The rhythmic lap of the water with each stroke, and the focus on your technique and breathing, really make this a great way to move your mind away from your worries, allowing some quality time to yourself. This alone time can give you a chance to reflect on the positive changes you are making. Add to that the fact that floating in water is a wonderfully soothing experience, and all part and parcel of a trip to the pool, and you've got a perfect recipe for confidence-boosting relaxation.
