Aziz Gazipura - The Solution To Social Anxiety: Break Free From The Shyness That Holds You Back

Table of Contents

D ISCLAIMER

The information in this book reflects the opinions of the author and is not intended to replace medical or psychological advice, or any other professional advice. This book is not intended to diagnose or treat any psychological or medical conditions or disorders. If you are in need of psychological or medical treatment, consult with a certified and licensed professional before determining whether the information in this book should be used.

2013 Aziz Gazipura, Psy.D.

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

without the express written permission of the publisher

except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing, 2013

ISBN 978-0-9889798-0-2

Aziz Gazipura, Psy.D.

1210 S.E. Oak Street, Suite 1

Portland, Oregon, USA

socialconfidencecenter.com

To Tony, Candace, and Elliot
Thank you for teaching me how to set myself free.

A LSO B Y D R. A ZIZ

E - B OOKS

Five Steps To Unleash Your Inner Confidence

How To Overcome Your Fear Of Public Speaking

V IDEO T RAINING P ROGRAMS

Confidence Unleashed

30 Days To Dating Mastery

I NTRODUCTION

I am glad you have come across this book. If you are suffering or struggling in your life right now, I understand. I spent many years stuck in a place of debilitating shyness that prevented me from speaking up, meeting people, going on dates, and having satisfying relationships. I know the pain of this shyness in a very deep and intimate way.

The worst part about this shyness was not that I couldnt go after what I wanted in my life. It wasnt that I felt nervous and tense in my body much of the time. It wasnt even that I was unable to bring myself to ask women out or date because of my intense fear of rejection. All of these aspects of my shyness were very painful and I struggled with each of them, but the worst part about it was that I believed I was going to be stuck like this forever.

I saw other guys, including friends of mine, who were somehow able to do what I could not. They would make jokes, speak up in groups, and flirt with women. I saw myself as somehow different, or less than they were. This gap between them and me seemed like an insurmountable chasm, leaving me on the outskirts forever.

If you relate to these struggles, and you fear that things might not change, I am especially glad you found this book. It is essentially written to a version of myself from 15 years ago. In it I am sharing everything I have learned about how to break free from the confines of fear and anxiety that held me back.

I have applied everything you will read in this book either on myself or with one of the hundreds of men I have worked with over the last decade. It is my sincerest hope that these ideas, exercises, tools, and tips help you realize something that shifted my life foreverthat you are not stuck this way, that it is entirely possible to find a well of courage inside of your heart that will drive you to overcome the challenges you are facing. It will drive you to face your fears, rejection, and failure in order to create the friendships, career, relationships, and life you truly want. As you do this, you will see just how much of your social anxiety was based on old, inaccurate stories and ideas about yourself. You will start to see the truth about yourselfwho you are, and what you have to offer the worldand life will start to look a lot brighter.

I wish you good luck on this journey, and I am excited to be with you along the way.

Dr. Aziz

Portland, OR

2013

A UTHORS N OTE:

Throughout this book you will find real examples of shy and socially anxious men and women who struggle with the exact same challenges you do. Sometimes when we are anxious we can look around at others and assume that they do not have any of these problems. We can think that no one else gets as afraid and conclude that there must be something terribly wrong with us.

This could not be further from the truth. Actually, social anxiety affects over 15 million Americans, and over 50% of people identify as shy.

These challenges are incredibly common and you are not alone.

You are not broken or defective. In fact, there is nothing wrong with you. You are simply experiencing an uncomfortable and challenging pattern that is limiting your choices and options.

In the book you will find Shy Quotes these are things that shy clients have shared about their experiences in sessions with me. They can highlight some of your own shy patterns and provide a sense of relief that you are in fact not alone in your shyness. Millions of other people experience these same challenges every day.

Names, details, and other identifying information about clients I have worked with have been changed substantially, while maintaining the essence of their struggle or challenge. To that end, any resemblance to an actual person is entirely coincidental.

A N OTE O N G ENDER A ND S EXUAL O RIENTATION:

The majority of clients I work with are men who are seeking to enhance their confidence, often in the area of dating and creating relationships with women. As such, the majority of the examples and case studies refer to these men.

However, the material in this book is applicable and absolutely effective if you are a woman or a gay man seeking to develop relationships with other men. For the sake of simplicity, throughout this book I primarily refer to the reader as he and a potential dating partner as she. Please alter the pronouns to fit your specific situation, as I believe the underlying psychology of social anxiety and confidence is the same, whether you are man or woman, heterosexual or homosexual.

P ART 1 T HE P ROBLEM

One

S TUCK IN S HYNESS

If you are reading this book, then you know what shyness is. And you know what social anxiety is, even if you have never used that term.

You know that tight feeling in your throat and the thumping in your chest before it is your turn to speak in a group. You know that intense feeling of fear and dread before you are going to start a conversation with that attractive person. And you know that nagging worry in your mind that just will not stop: What do they think of me? Did I do that right? Could they tell I was nervous?

How about that tense feeling in your stomach when you are about to meet someone new? When you are in that horribly awkward moment after you have both exchanged names and are standing there looking at each other, waiting, hoping that you will be able to think of something to say. You frantically scramble for some question, some observation, something, anything to say, but all your mind gives you is: Oh my god, you dont have anything to say. Whats wrong with you? Say something!

The silence in this moment is not the sweet, peaceful silence you experience when you wake up before dawn, or go for a hike in the forest alone. No, this silence is painful, pregnant with expectation and loaded with pressure. It feels like your skin is crawling, and you begin hoping one of the chandeliers will fall from the ceiling so you can make an unnoticed and hasty escape.

Can you relate? When was the last time you experienced something like this? If you are anxious around people, then you might have this experience all too often. In fact, this might be your primary experience of meeting people. You might have experienced this so often that you say things like: