Douglas Alan Weiss - Life, Love, & Internet Dating

Praise for

LIFE, LOVE, AND INTERNET DATING

Life, Love and Internet Dating takes you on an emotional journey... from laughter, to denial, to empathy... but most of all, you will stop, if only for a moment, and go inside yourself to understand that true love can only come from God and love of yourself! Its a must read for those seeking a loving relationship, and for those who already have one.

BARBARA HAMMLee, Host of Another View WHRV FM & Chair of NRHA

This semi-autobiographical exploration of internet dating is an easy read and well worth the attention of those who have been kicked in the heart as well as the single traveler. Flavored with wisdom born of life experience, self-deprecating humor and kernels of practical information for those seeing to find that significant other, this resource guarantees a hopeful and surprising conclusion for our universal, shared human experience. The natural evolutionary progression of building and sustaining a meaningful relationship moves inevitably from romantic attraction to living out those core values essential for any trust relationship. Confessing to neither a formal psychological nor theological education, this well read and gifted lover of life finds ultimate success in self-discovery and honest friendships rather than transitory romance, and provides a valuable read that extends far beyond internet dating.

BILL HEDRICK, Clinical Member, AAMFT (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy) D. Min. (Doctor of Ministry) Union Theological Seminary

An emotionally naked work, that invites the reader on a journey to explore the complexity of human connection through a prism that masterfully engages the heart, mind and spirt.

ALVEAN LYONS, M.Ed, BCPC Relationship Expert

A riveting, deeply personal, and brilliantly conceived work about searching for a soul mate. Doug Weiss captures beautifully what it is like for a person of intelligence and faith to have lived life well, loved well, and lost well, yet remain assured and hopeful in the goodness of life and love.

FR. TOM DEPPE, Virginia Beach

Life, Love, and Internet Dating

by Douglas Alan Weiss

Copyright 2017 Douglas Alan Weiss

ISBN 978-1-63393-434-4

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.

Published by

210 60th Street

Virginia Beach, VA 23451

800-435-4811

www.koehlerbooks.com

INTRODUCTION

WHEN I FIRST thought about writing this book, I conceived of it along the lines of Robert Pirsigs Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I am afraid that was monumental hubris on my part. I am not remotely as gifted a writer as Pirsig, and his point of reference for human truth drew not only on personal experience, but on Platos Phaedonot exactly a shabby source. My observations are strictly based on my own life experienceso much for a profound source of wisdom.

What this meager attempt shares in common with Pirsigs work is that they are both stories about a journey. Both are partially autobiographical, and both, in very different ways, present some truths about the challenge of being a human being.

Truth is a slippery thing; there are so many versions to choose from. We each have our stories. Some are conjured from the experiences of our past shaped by introspection, or perhaps reflection. Others are inspired by wisdom from great thinkersor maybe your uncle Bernie. How we see the world, how we experience it minute by minute endows our truth with energy and in turn shapes how we see others, ourselves, and the events that occur throughout our lives.

This book is not about The Truth. Rather, it is about the universal, shared human experience. We recognize that this shared truth is the reason we can all laugh at the same joke, cry at the sight of the same touching picture, and delight in the same moments of human joy.

I want to make my apologies up front to two groups of experts on the subject of human experience and truthpsychologists and theologians. I am neither. While I have had a little training in psychology, the observations offered in this book are not grounded in scholarly studythey are based on my observations and my experience. I am not asking anyone to agree with me either. If you dont find relevance in what I have to say, stop reading. Thats a sobering litmus test for any author.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I imagine there are dozens, if not hundreds, of dissertations on the subject of human attraction. Why do we respond to one person and not another?

What is this thing called chemistry? What compels us to seek a relationship with someone our rational brain knows is just wrong for us. And why do we ignore our own instincts?

If you expect to find answers to those questions couched in hypothesis, analysis, and testing, vetted by scientific principles, youve wasted your money. I still cant answer those questions entirely, and I dont think scholars have a much better idea than me. But, then again, I am not a scholar or a psychologist.

Theologians, forgive me. I refer to God in this book frequently. Ive quite probably committed grave errors in my theological explanations; thats your job, not mine. But this is my book, and if you want to offer your own views, then I suggest you write your own book.

Although I happen to be a Christian, when I refer to God in this book, I am not referring to the Christian godor the Catholic, Jewish, Moslem, or any other religion. Nor am I referencing Buddha or Shinto, the Dalai Lama or any other form of organized belief or philosophy. When I use the word God, I am talking about a higher beinga divine being with whom I happen to have an up-close and very personal relationship. We talk often, in my car, on the beachjust about anywhere. He is the divinity that is within meas I am in himwe get each other. He loves me, forgives mehe is my friend, my rock, and everything I am that is worthwhile I owe to him. And yes, he is a heI dont know why, he just is.

When I talk about and to him, I sometimes refer to him as Fatherits a metaphor on one levelbut he is also the father-self that lives within me (and you)along with the mother and child selves that dwell there as well. Sometimes, its a little crowded in there, but they are all me. He is also The Father, the universal creator of all, the Supreme Being. Confused yet? Youll just have to read on; it will get clearer as we goI promise.

CHAPTER ONE

Why Are We Here?

LET ME START with a disclaimer. If you were expecting a primer on Internet dating or a DIY guide on how to find the man or woman of your dreamsgo to the section of your website or your local bookstoreassuming you can find onewhere they keep Internet Dating for Dummies.

Just kiddingI dont think that book actually existsor at least I hope not. This is not that book. I do talk about my experience in the online dating world, and I have listened to lots of stories from others, but not to gather tips or learn better techniques. I wanted to understand whether my experience was in any way similar to what others found, and what I found both surprised and in some ways shocked me. Not only did we all share very similar experiences; those experiences revealed truths about us as human beings and about the delicate relationships between and among men and women. That exploration gave me an entirely new perspective on my life and my relationship to the divine spirit in all of us.