Marni Kamis - The Dating Repair Kit: How to Have a Fabulous Love Life

First published in 2007 by Conari Press,

an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

500 Third Street, Suite 230

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2007 by Marni Kamins and Janice MacLeod.

Illustrations McMillan Digital Art and Artzooks.com.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN-10: 1-57324-283-7

ISBN-13: 978-1-57324-283-7

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request

Book and cover design by Jessica Dacher

Typeset in Matrix Script, Bembo, and Berthold Akzidenz Grotesk

Printed in China

MD

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

www.redwheelweiser.com

www.redwheelweiser.com/newsletter

To our sisters

Julie, Carla, & Piper

Sit down. Get comfortable. This book is for when you want concrete answers to why dating sucks and you're tired of reading about how he's just not that into you or following rules such as waiting for the call and then pretending you're too busy to answer it. The dating world has lost its common sense. It has slipped so far into the darkness of rules and fears that people no longer feel safe about getting out there and would rather just sit at home alone.

The last U.S. census reported well over eighty-two million single people, most of whom probably want the same thing and yet are confused and frustrated by the search for The One. Right now, perhaps you don't want to have to figure it out in therapy, write about it, or even talk about it. You don't even have to know what it is. Perhaps you simply have this overwhelming feeling that you can't deal and you don't know what to do about it. Maybe you feel like you just need more, but you don't know what it is that you need more of. More happiness? More fun? More help? More inspiration? More love? Who knows? It doesn't matter right now, because right now you don't have to do a thing. This book is intended to make life easier for you. Breathe deep. Relax. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Nourishing & Maddening Interruptions

So you were reading along and felt compelled to come over here and read this little distracting box. We scatter these through the book on purpose. Sometimes you come over and it's just a dumb quote by someone who could obviously deal. People like Henry David Thoreau, who by the way, sold all his stuff and moved into the woods with an axe to write his books. Clearly, could not deal. He worked pretty hard to find his muse. Why is it we put people on such pedestals? We are all just trying to do the best we know how to do. So when you find yourself reading these distracting boxes, think of them as a break. A nice little hiatus from focusing on the book. They are perfect for the short-attention span. Read, ponder a moment, look at your fingernails and then move on.

We highly suggest reading this book in a comfy chair, in bed, or sprawled out on the floor. Read it with a tasty snack and yummy tea between trips to your favorite distracting stores, because that is mostly how we wrote it. Feel free to read it on company time. You could sneak it into your office at work to read with the door closed, pretending you are very busy and not to be disturbed because some of it was written like that, too. If your attention span feels short and you want to jump from topic to topic, feel free to skip around because we wrote it like that, too. We can relate. We have looked at the greener grass on the other side and stared it down. While we don't believe in any particular rules in dating, we do believe in common sense. What we want this book to give you is more confidence, more fulfillment, and more hope. We will ease your mind and walk you through the first steps so you can get out there without freaking out.

We believe that while taking the steps necessary to get yourself ready to start your great love life can take you to a certain point, unless you are willing to take our suggestions emotionally and spiritually into your heart, your results may not be authentic. This book includes thirty days of things to do to attract more love into your life. The activities and exercises herein are designed to help you grow and heal from the inside out. It is hardly effective to think you can change patterns by just changing your outsides. So don't just read this book, ponder it so the ideas really sink in. Some of the activities may take you longer than one day depending on your circumstances. Conversely, you may feel compelled to do a few days at one time. Or, your situation may require you to jump around from day to day. That's fine. It's also okay if you skip a day here and there, but please try not to let the entire process run longer than forty-five days. This is a thirty-day course you're taking, and you owe it to yourself to stick to it. If you don't like our way after giving it your best shot, you can always go back to the way you've always done it. Be open to trusting this process. It really does work.

And the time came when the risk [it took] to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anas Nin

If at any moment while you're reading this book or taking steps out there you feel like you just can't deal, come back to this page and read this:

You are an amazing, creative, fun and passionate person. You are unique and irreplaceable in this world. Trust yourself and your process. Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be in this moment. We promise.

And remember, this book is your friend.

Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.

Capt. Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Ah, the fabulous love life. The focus of movies, songs, poetry, and even the news. It's our greatest inspiration and desire and it dramatically promises to save us from this dreary life, but it is also over discussed, misunderstood, and a huge source of frustration. And it's often the source of many a my life would be perfect if only thoughts.

We do need each other. We need love, and we need to share love in order to blossom. It is our human instinct to connect with each other and form lasting, loving relationships. Sometimes we blame our crappy emotions on the behavior of someone else or simply the lack of someone else. We get mad or feel bad when we have to express our needs and then become frustrated when they still aren't met. We expect others to do what we ask, thinking that if they would just do so, then we wouldn't have any problems. This attitude won't get us anywhere, or at least not very far. But if we first focus on loving ourselves, we will attract the love of others.

A love affair with ourselves is not reliant on a relationship with someone else. When we have a great love life on our own, we are ready and open to having a truly great love life with someone else. A great love life on our own means we know how to love ourselves first; we know how to take care of ourselves and feel good about ourselves from the inside out with or without someone else. Our love life with ourselves should be like a fully baked cake, and a mate should just be the frosting. Cake is always great on its own, but frosting makes it so much better.