Aaron Ivey - Complement: The Surprising Beauty of Choosing Together Over Separate in Marriage

In true Aaron and Jamie style, this book is real, raw, hilarious, and full of wisdom. They do not sugar coat the challenges of marriage yet invite married couples to discover the beauty and adventure God has purposed for our marriages. We need this book in this time and culture.

Nick and Christine Caine , founders of A21

Todays culture often alludes to marriage as a monotonous, contractual agreement that can easily be undone and reversed. Aaron and Jamie have delightfully intertwined their firsthand experiences to expound upon Gods deepest desires for marriage. This book is for every couple who wants to do the hard work and intentionally live out their covenant.

Gabe and Rebekah Lyons , bestselling authors and cofounders of Q Ideas

As in all of life, the best marriage mentors are the ones who not only have a compelling message, but also a compelling life to share. Our friends Aaron and Jamie Ivey are such mentors who offer us their marriage message through the lens of Scripture. For who can tell us more about healthy, life-giving marriage than the Maker of marriage Himself? As Aaron and Jamie take us on this journey, they do so in a way that reveals their own life together. In the sharing of their lives as an illustration of their message, they provide a compelling path for other husbands and wives to follow. We cannot recommend Complement highly enough!

Scott and Patti Sauls , Christ Presbyterian Church, Nashville, Tennessee

The Colliers believe that in marriage, if youre not having fun, youre doing something wrong. Aaron and Jamie are having the most fun and teaching couples how to press through the messy middles of marriage to create a continual flow of synergy, together. In this incredible book, the Iveys are showing us how to be who we each were created to be while leaning on the power of Jesus to help us draw nearer to our spouses for a life of connection, clarity, and screaming-at-the-top-of-our-lungs cheering for the one you share forever with.

Sam and Toni Collier , lead pastors of Hillsong Atlanta

As this book says, No one stumbles into marriage. It has to be built. We can so relate to this, and we wish we had this book in our hands a decade ago! What Aaron and Jamie do in Complement is point us to a biblical perspective of marriage that is centered on the faithful work of Jesus. They dig deep into their own marriage and into the Bible to give us winsome and vital truth that comes to life and can be lived out every day. This isnt a book to be read some day; you should read it today. As you do, youre going to be challenged, encouraged, and filled with hope.

Joel and Brittany Muddamalle , Proverbs 31 Ministries | Transformation Church

Copyright 2021 by Aaron Ivey and Jamie Ivey

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-5359-9669-3

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Published in association with Jenni Burke of Illuminate Literary Agency: www.illuminateliterary.com.

Dewey Decimal Classification: 306.81

Subject Heading: MARRIAGE / HUSBANDS / WIVES

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV Text Edition: 2016. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Also used: The Christian Standard Bible ( csb ), copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible, and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers, all rights reserved.

Cover design by B&H Publishing Group. Author photo by Becca Matimba Photography @bmatimbaphoto. Texture by HolyCrazyLazy/shutterstock.

It is the Publishers goal to minimize disruption caused by technical errors or invalid websites. While all links are active at the time of publication, because of the dynamic nature of the internet, some web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed and may no longer be valid. B&H Publishing Group bears no responsibility for the continuity or content of the external site, nor for that of subsequent links. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content.

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To our children: Cayden, Amos, Deacon, and Story Ivey

If God has marriage in His plan for your life (and its okay if He doesnt), we pray your marriage is fun, thrilling, Jesus-honoring, and always complementing each other throughout life.

Preface

W ere so glad you picked up this book! We wholeheartedly believe that marriage is one of Gods incredible gifts to us as His children. While its not the ultimate thing in life, marriage is meant to be life-giving, thrilling, and beautiful for those who experience it.

Weve been through sweet times and difficult times in the two decades of our marriage, and through it all weve learned that God designed marriage to be a living picture of His great love for His people. Its hard. It takes a lot of work, forgiveness, patience, and time. But weve found it to be worth it. And we want you to as well.

In a culture where marriage can be viewed as bland, archaic, or boring, weve found a better way. And it isnt because we do it all correctly or have some special brand of marriage that is unattainable for some. As weve studied Gods Word and seen more of His faithfulness in our own lives, weve actually come to see that Gods purpose in marriage is more surprising and exciting than we realized.

We believe in marriage. We believe in your marriage. We want it to be healthy and vibrant, fueled by the love of Jesus, and a powerful tool of mission in the world in which we live.

In this book, youre getting two perspectives on the same themes. We took the most valuable things weve learned about complementing each other in marriage, and wrote our unique perspectives on them. In fact, we didnt even read each others portions of the book until in the late editing stages, so what youre getting is the raw, real, and vulnerable perspective on how we complement each other as we strive to honor Jesus with our marriage.

Wed encourage you to think of this not as two books, but two halves of the same bookand to read both halves. Read one half, then trade with your spouse. We think youll find encouragement and challenges as you read both of our thoughts on each concept.

Were fighting for your marriage, even from a distance. Its an honor to join you on the journey of choosing together over separate in marriage.

Aaron and Jamie Ivey

Introduction

What I Thought Marriage Would Be

J ust wait til you get married. Its all downhill after that.

I cant tell you how many times I heard this spoken over me before marriage. Some said it to get a quick laugh, brushing it off as merely a joke. But sadly, I think others truly meant it.

It still saddens me when I hear people refer to the best days of their relationship with their spouse as the ones before they said, I do. Its not the way its supposed to be.

What was once a vibrant friendship and dating relationship, somehow becomes less thrilling, less spectacular. At least, thats what so many people assume.

Maybe youve heard someone half-jokingly say something similar. In the moment, its easy to simply laugh it off and move on, but a bland marriage is far too common in todays culture. Theres a painful truth about how many people view and experience marriage. To be fair, no one enters into marriage dreading it or hoping it will shift toward a lifeless, joyless, empty relationship. No one intends for their marriage to wear out and get stale. No couple hangs their wedding day photos on the wall of their first home and says, Well, that was the best and last day of our fun relationship. Yet somehow it happens.