Sean McDowell - Chasing Love: Sex, Love, and Relationships in a Confused Culture

Copyright 2020 by Sean J. McDowell

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-0877-0729-7

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Published in association with the literary agency of Mark Sweeney & Associates, Naples, FL 34113

Dewey Decimal Classification: 152.4

Subject Heading: LOVE / GENEROSITY / INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

All Scripture quotations are taken from the English Standard Version ESV Text Edition: 2016. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Cover design by B&H Publishing.

It is the Publishers goal to minimize disruption caused by technical errors or invalid websites. While all links are active at the time of publication, because of the dynamic nature of the internet, some web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed and may no longer be valid. B&H Publishing Group bears no responsibility for the continuity or content of the external site, nor for that of subsequent links. Contact the external site for answers to questions regarding its content.

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I dedicate this book to my beautiful wife, Stephanie. You are not only my high school sweetheart, but you are still the love of my life and will be forever.

Acknowledgments

There are many people to thank for a project of this sort. First, John Paul Basham for encouraging me to get me involved in this book project and the True Love Waits curriculum. I am grateful for the partnership and am truly honored you sought me out. It has been a blessing and joy to work with you! Thanks to Mark Sweeney, my agent and friend, for guiding me through the process. And some editors deserve a shout out for giving me great feedback: Amy Hall, Christopher Yuan, Preston Sprinkle, Taylor Combs, my wife (Stephanie), and my father (Josh).

And thanks to the students in my high school Bible class who gave me feedback on my first draft: Scott, Isabella, Faith, Aidan, Emma, Hazel, Dylen, Daniel, Rome, and Josh. It was fun to talk through many of these issues with you.

PART 1

Chapter 1

The Invitation

T he Matrix is one of my all-time favorite films. Even though I am a huge superhero fan and have watched many of the Marvel and DC movies over and over again, The Matrix is the only movie I have seen four times in the theater. Thats right, four times .

You might be thinking, this guy is crazy. But as a young man fresh out of college, there was something about The Matrix that captured my imagination. Maybe you can think of a movie that has similarly captured yours.

In case you havent seen it, the main character of the movie, Neo (played by Keanu Reeves), is a computer hacker who discovers that reality is not what he thinks it is. The world he believes is real is actually a computer simulationthe Matrixthat has been devised by artificially intelligent beings to distract humans as they use their bodies as an energy source. Neo discovers the truth, escapes from the Matrix, and joins a small band of humans in rebellion against the machines.

There are a lot of reasons to enjoy The Matrix as a movie. Its full of action and suspense, has a twist of romance, and has stunning visual effects (well, at least for its time!). Yet these are not the core reasons the movie captured me. Rather, it was because the movie raised bigger questions that made me reflect upon the trajectory of my own life, and in particular, my Christian faith. It made me consider what I was living for .

In the movie, Neo has a difficult choice to make: Will he choose the pleasures of the artificial world of the Matrix (the blue pill), or will he commit his life to truth, as costly and difficult as that may be (the red pill)? The Matrix , of course, is a movie, but in real life, each one of us faces a similar decision: Will we choose a pleasure-centered life focused on self-fulfillment, or will we give our lives away for a greater cause?

Jesus invites us to wrestle deeply with this question. In fact, He invites us to ask what we are really chasing in life. Good grades? Work? Success in sports? Marriage? Drama? Video games? You may care about some of these, or maybe all of them. But do they capture the depth of what youre really seeking? As good as these things can be, my suspicion is that, like Neo, you want your life to be about something bigger . You want your life to matter.

Jesus invites us to reorient the focus of our lives, to live for His kingdom instead of our own. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matt. 6:33). Jesus invites us to embrace a higher calling, living not for our own pleasures and goals but seeking first the things of God. Even though this road can be tough, and requires sacrifice, it is the most meaningful life we can live. According to Jesus, the God-focused life is the one that matters most. Through following Jesus, we experience Gods living water rather than settling for a substitute (John 4:115).

So, what does it mean to seek first Gods kingdom? In response to the question about the greatest commandment in the law, Jesus said to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:2831). Simply put, the greatest commandment is to love God and love other people. Thus, if you want to seek Gods kingdom first, you have to learn how to love God and love other people.

Thankfully, we can look to Jesus in this: By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers (1 John 3:16). The way of love involves humbling ourselves in obedience to what God has called us to do. But Jesus isnt just our model of love. His death on the cross for our sins enables us to love. He makes us new creationsnew peoplewho by the power of the Holy Spirit can give up things the world says we need for the sake of that which is truly life-givingloving God and others. We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19).

This is the great task God has for each one of us, and the Holy Spirit is ready to help us do it.

As a young college student, I remember being paralyzed with uncertainty about my career choice. I read a book by a former U.S. president, and he essentially said, If you dont know what to do with your career, focus on how you can best love God and love other people. Simple, but profound.

Yet the contrast between the invitation of Jesus and the invitation of the world could not be starker. The world tells you to live for yourself; Jesus says to die to yourself. The world says to do whatever you want; Jesus says to cultivate the right wants. The world says to love yourself; Jesus says to love others as you love yourself. The world disregards truth; Jesus claims that truth is found only through knowing and following Him.

Like Neo, you have a choice about the direction of your life. This isnt a choice you can put off until later. Youre already making a choice whether you know it or not. We are all seeking some kingdom now , which is reflected in the ways we treat others daily . Here is the critical question Jesus is inviting you to consider: Will you view your whole life as a heroic adventure of walking faithfully in obedience to Him?

At this point, you might be wondering about the kind of book that you picked up. Isnt this a book about finding true love? After all, isnt the point of chasing something to find it? And doesnt happiness come from finding real love? Maybe you were expecting me to address LGBTQ issues and to answer popular questions like, How far is too far?

I will address both these topics, and many more. At the end of each chapter, I briefly address one tough, practical question like the following: