Josh McDowell - 10 Ways to Say I Love You: Embracing a Love That Lasts

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the third edition of the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the first edition of the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Verses marked NCV are taken from the New Century Version. Copyright 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible , Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, IL 60188 USA. All rights reserved.

Emphasis (italics) in Scripture quotations has been added by the author.

Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota

Cover photo Lev Dolgachov / Alamy

10 COMMITMENTS is a series trademark of The Hawkins Childrens LLC. Harvest House Publishers Inc. is the exclusive liscensee of the trademark 10 COMMITMENTS.

10 WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU

Copyright 2015 by Josh McDowell Ministry. All rights reserved.

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McDowell, Josh, author.

10 ways to say I love you / Josh McDowell.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-7369-5387-0 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-5388-7 (eBook)

1. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title. II. Title: Ten ways to say I love you.

BV835.M3375 2015

248.8'44dc23

2014021855

All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of authors and publishers rights is strictly prohibited.

I wish to recognize the following individuals for their valuable contribution to this book.

Dave Bellis , my friend and colleague for over 36 years, for collaborating with me on the outline of this book, pulling from my talks and other works to then write the rough draft, and folding in all the edits and revisions to shape this work into its final form. I recognize Daves insight on the topics of marriage and relationships, and Im deeply grateful for his contribution.

Becky Bellis for laboring at the computer to ready the manuscript.

Terry Glaspey of Harvest House for his vision and guidance in shaping the direction and tone of this work.

Paul Gossard of Harvest House for his expert editing and the insight he brought to the manuscript completion.

Last but not least is Dottie, my wife, for her written contribution in this book, for her love and patience toward me, and for her over 40 years in a devoted journey with me that has unlocked the secrets of loving.

Contents

W orking late one night, I jumped when my concentration was broken by a phone call.

Mr. McDowell?

The young woman on the line hardly waited for me to respond.

Ive been married six months, she said, and already the honeymoon is over. Tonight my husband went out with the guys after we had a big argument. I feel alone and rejected. I sat here thinking, Is this all there is to it? Obviously depressed, her voice cracking with emotion, she concluded, Please tell me there is something more.

This woman had some idea of what she expected in a relationship, and what she was experiencing wasnt it. She repeated her request. Please tell me there is something more.

There is, I replied. Its called an intimate relationship.

Have you longed for a romantic evening with your husband, only to get a few grunts as he watches a basketball or football game? Have you dated and wondered how a fun time with a person could blossom into a committed love? Or have you just wondered how to make a good marriage into a great one?

If you want to know how to spark or enrich a love relationship, youre not alone. The search for a true intimate love is the theme of most hit songs and runs as an undercurrent through most movies. The theme of the secret of loving is the lifeblood of millions of best-selling novels and nonfiction books. And many TV programs reflect and rekindle our dream of a true love that will last. But for many a lasting love relationship remains elusive.

What We Fear

I believe there are two fears that keep many people from experiencing the intimacy and joy of the love relationship they really desire.

One is the fear of never being loved.

The other is the fear of never being able to love.

Let me reassure you that these fears are not abnormal. Many people are like me. I didnt see a true intimate love relationship modeled when I was growing up. My father was the town drunk. He was abusive to my mother, stayed drunk most of the time, and more or less ignored me. I never remember hearing my dad say, I love you. When I left home I feared that my dysfunctional childhood would carry over into future relationships. I was scared that my emotional baggage would keep me from truly loving and being loved.

The truth is, no one has experienced a perfect home life growing up. There is no such thing as perfect parents who model a perfect love life. So we all have experienced some form of relational dysfunction in our livesits just a matter of how dysfunctional weve become. We all have emotional baggage to deal with in life. The big question is how we are going to work through our dysfunction to form a healthy, intimate love relationship with another person that will last.

We live in a culture where love relationships are often short-lived. Many couples live with each other on a trial basis because they fear that the marriage wont last if they dont test it out first. Recent studies show that marriages are at an all-time low, and if divorce rates continue to increase the way they have for the past 20 years, then only a minority of couples can expect to be together for over 15 years. Yet at the same time most married and dating couples I know want their relationship to last a lifetime.

So if you want a truly intimate relationship that will last, what do you do?

Quite often Ive had a man tell me his relationship with his wife would really be great if shed get on the same page with him sexually. Many men see sex as the bonding agent in their marriage and the key ingredient to make it last. Its like love and sex are synonymous in their minds. They think if you love someone youre going to have great sex, and if you have great sex it must mean youre really in love. Reality is, that is simply not the case.