Erin Smalley - Reconnected: Moving from Roommates to Soulmates in Marriage

Reconnected: Moving from Roommates to Soulmates in Your Marriage

2020 Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley. All rights reserved.

A Focus on the Family book published by Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188.

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I dont know where we went wrong. But, the feelings gone and I just cant get it back.

GORDON LIGHTFOOT
If You Could Read My Mind

I FEEL COMPLETELY disconnected and alone. Its like were living separate lives under the same roof. Were in a rut as a couple. I love you and Im committed to our marriage, but I feel like were nothing more than married roommates.

These were the words I (Erin) spoke during a very frustrating season of our marriage. Brutal, right? Especially since we were supposed to be the marriage experts. I had a masters degree in counseling, and Greg had a doctorate in marriage and family. We were both marriage counselors. Wed written five books (at the time) on how to have a thriving marriageone was even titled The Marriage Youve Always Dreamed Of. We taught marriage seminars around the world. We counseled couples on the brink of divorce. And yet I was telling Greg that our relationship had faded into the friend zone. Talk about irony.

Erins words cut deep into my (Greg) heart. It was like shed taken her diamond wedding ring and used it to carve the words failure and fraud on my forehead as I stood there staring blankly at her revelation.

But our marriage wasnt always this way. Like you, we started off madly in love. We had big dreams and were ready to take on the world til death do us part. In the beginning, our relationship felt more like a fairy tale than a nightmare.

Several months before Erin and I got married, I invited her to help me move from Phoenix to Denver. I wanted her to see where she would be living the following year. Since we hoped to cover those 850 miles in a single day, we planned to meet at my parents house at about five a.m. and drive until we reached Denver.

By the time Erin arrived, I had loaded a U-Haul truck (equipped with a stick shift, which Id never driven) and hitched my car to the towing bar behind the trailer. Erin and I said goodbye to my parents and excitedly set off on our adventure.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I accidentally popped the clutch and caused the rental truck to lurch forward. Erin nervously looked at me, smiling. Thats normal, I reassured her. Stick shift trucks tend to drive rough at the start. As if I knew!

Rumbling down the street, I glanced in the side mirror... and saw my dad frantically chasing us, waving his arms.

What do I do? I asked Erin, rolling my eyes. Hes running after me! And hes a marathon runner. He can chase us for at least 26.2 miles!

Pull over, Erin said compassionately. Im sure he just wants to give you one final hug goodbye.

This is so embarrassing, I complained. Its time to let me go! Cut the cord, already! Im twenty-three years old, for crying out loud!

Nevertheless, I stopped and rolled down my window, expecting an emotional plea to be careful or for him to reminisce about how he fainted in the hospital delivery room upon learning that he was having a boy. Thats not what I got.

Greg, you knucklehead! he yelled. Dont you see whats still parked in front of the house?

I looked carefully in the mirror, and sure enough, there sat my car. Somehow, the car must have fallen off the hitch when I popped the clutch. It turned out that Id forgotten to insert the safety pin on the trailer ball.

So, thats what thats for! I jokingly exclaimed after realizing my mistake.

Erin thought it was adorable that I didnt think to check the safety pin, and she laughed hysterically.

I backed up the truck, reattached my car, and fastened the safety pin. Unfortunately, my mistake had cost us about forty-five minutes. I figured we could still make Denver by late nightbut by four oclock that afternoon, I was bone tired.

Honey, you have to drive, I said to Erin. Im exhausted.

You have to be kidding, she replied. Theres no way Im driving this... semi-truck!

Id hoped for a different response, but her fear of driving the tiny U-Haul truck cracked me up. Shes afraid to drive... how cute, I thought.

Besides, I just wanted to be together on our first grand adventure as an engaged couple.

So with no other options open to me, I explained my need for something to keep me awake. I figured that since Erin was a nurse, I was speaking to the right person.

Thats simple, she declared. Pull in to that truck stop.

When I did, she climbed out of the truck, and a few minutes later she returned with a bag full of energy products like vitamin B-12, caffeine powder, NoDoz pills, Jolt Colaanything with high levels of caffeine.

Are you sure I can take all of this stuff together? I asked, a little concerned.

Sure, she replied. Trust me. Then I heard her mumble under her breath, At least, I think its all right.