Jaime Castillo - What Happened to Make You Anxious?: How to Uncover the Little t Traumas that Drive Your Anxiety, Worry, and Fear

I have read a lot of books about anxiety, and I can say without a doubt that What Happened to Make You Anxious? is the only book on the topic that I couldnt put down. Jaime explains the many realities of anxiety plus what you can do about it in a relatable, interesting, and applicable way. If you struggle with anxiety, dont skip this one.

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT , author of I Want This to Work , clinical fellow of the AAMFT, creator of @lizlistens on Instagram, and cofounder of A Better Life Therapy

What Happened to Make You Anxious by Jaime Castillo is truly an incredible resource for folks struggling with anxiety and underlying little t traumas! This book will help you to change your relationship to anxiety and live life according to your true values. Jaime helps you to explore not just your anxiety symptoms, but also the underlying function of your anxiety. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone who is feeling consumed by their anxiety and looking to improve their relationship with it!

Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C , therapist, founder of The Eating Disorder Center, and coauthor of The Inside Scoop on Eating Disorder Recovery

In a world where we are more anxious than ever, What Happened to Make You Anxious? is the smart and compassionate book we all need right now. In this warm and supportive guide, readers learn science-backed tools so that they can stop fighting their anxiety (and themselves) and start healing. This book is going to help so many!

Amanda E. White, LPC , founder of @therapyforwomen, and author of Not Drinking Tonight

If youve ever asked yourself, Why am I so anxious?, this is the book that will finally give you a clear answer. Jaimes compassionate tone and easy-to-use strategies are guaranteed to help you understand, manage, and use your anxiety to help you in powerful ways.

Whitney Goodman, LMFT , licensed psychotherapist, and author of Toxic Positivity

This is a useful guide in helping readers approach their anxiety from a place of curiosity and understanding. Jaime offers direct and succinct tools that promote action and self-reflection. This is a must-read for the person who is ready to put the shame and self-criticism to the side and take steps to transform their relationship with anxiety!

Alyssa Mancao, LCSW , licensed clinical social worker; writer; and owner of Alyssa Marie Wellness Inc. located in Los Angeles, CA

What Happened to Make You Anxious is more than a book; it is an insightful, practical guidefull of tools and resources for people who struggle not just with anxiety, but with finding ways to respond to their fears, doubts, and feelings of overwhelm in a manageable way. Jaime Castillos work is beautifully written and full of professional wisdom. I highly recommend this read!

Minaa B., LMSW , writer, speaker, and therapist

This book is fantastic, vulnerable, relatable, and versatile! It aims to help you understand the origins of anxiety, establish a relationship with worry, and cultivate connection with them to honor their purposeas they serve as messengers. The activities within the book are creative and to the point. Jaimes beautiful and authentic anecdotes make you feel like you are chatting with a friend who really gets you.

Kelly OHoro, LPC , approved consultant, and founder of Infinite Healing and Wellness, an EMDR Center for Excellence; and contributing author of Is Therapy Right for Me?

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS is a registered trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Copyright 2022 by Jaime Castillo

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Daniel; Acquired by Georgia Kolias; Edited by Krist Hein

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Castillo, Jaime (Psychologist) author.

Title: What happened to make you anxious? : how to uncover the little t traumas that drive your anxiety, worry, and fear / Jaime Castillo.

Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2022000692 | ISBN 9781684038756 (trade paperback)

Subjects: LCSH: Anxiety. | Fear. | Acceptance and commitment therapy.

Classification: LCC BF575.A6 C376 2022 | DDC 152.4/6--dc23/eng/20220125

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2022000692

Contents

r

To Lance, whose love has given me courage.

acknowledgments

To my husband, Lance, who has shown me unwavering love, support, and encouragement. To my parents, who taught me I can do anything I put my mind to, and to repeat the phrase I think I can when doing something hard (that came in handy several times while writing this book). To my brothers, whom I have looked up to and admired for forever; you are my heart. To my best friend, Chelsea, who convinced me that my voice was worthy of being heard. To my mentor, Sarah, who showed me the way as a budding therapist. To the Find Your Shine Therapy team, who bring me joy and inspiration every day. To my clients, who have trusted me with their stories. Thank you is not enough.

introduction

What if I told you that the way we have been taught to manage anxiety has actually made it worse? If our efforts to outrun or extinguish anxiety have actually fanned its flames? Anxiety is a necessary and adaptive human emotion that communicates important messages to us. It helps us to avoid danger and live a life in accordance with our values. So why does it cause so many problems in our lives? If anxiety is meant to be helpful, how is it that forty million people in the United States suffer from a clinical anxiety disorder?

Anxiety itself is not actually the culprit for the problems it seems to cause. Rather, our response to anxiety makes all the difference in how problematic it becomes. What we do when anxiety arises is a determining factor in whether we experience it as an occasional, helpful nudge toward our values or an unshakable force that robs us of lifes pleasures.

Most of us have been conditioned to avoid anxiety whenever we notice its nudges. But because anxiety is actually there as an adaptive force to help keep us alive and well, it feels like the stakes are desperately high. Anxiety has a message that it will go to great lengths to deliver. When its silenced, it raises its voice. When its ignored, it tries another way to get our attention. It refuses to be outrun. It remains under the surface, waiting to be acknowledged. And it will be acknowledged at any cost to us.

If you have been at war with your anxiety for some time, it has likely started to cause problems in your work, social life, and/or intimate relationships. Anxiety is not just unpleasant to experience in the moment; over time, it can rob you of your sense of safety, connection, and overall well-being.

But theres another way. You dont have to be at odds with your anxiety any longer. When you can lean into your anxiety, understand the message its trying to deliver and what is keeping it stuck, and then come to a mutual agreement about how to best solve the problem it is interpreting and insisting that you do something about, you find freedom.