Michelle Van Loon - If Only: Letting Go of Regret

What Others Are Saying

If Only: Letting Go of Regret delivers deep wisdom wrapped in masterful writing, incisive insight, and relevant narrative. Michelle Van Loons words continue to do their work long after the last page is turned. Her transparency cuts the core for everyone who has thought theyve fallen short and struggled with regret. If Only delivers powerful tools to help readers grow, heal, and break free of the chains of the past.
Shelly Beach, award-winning author,

The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk

and Love Letters from the Edge

If only I had this book earlier in my life, I couldve saved myself lots of guilt over past regrets and had the tools to live in such a way that Id garner fewer of them. With an expert blend of raw, gutsy storytelling, biblical, tried-and-true wisdom, and some did you read my soul? prayers to bring it all home, Michelle Van Loon shows us all how to live beyond the if onlys and accept the grace and love that await.

Caryn Rivadeneira, author

Broke: What Financial Desperation Revealed About Gods Abundance

and Known and Loved: 52 Devotions from the Psalms

So many of us ruefully pine over our various roads not traveled. In If Only Michelle Van Loon offers gentle wisdom from Scripture and moving stories that show us how we can own our regrets so that they dont own and consume us, inviting us to live in the freedom for which Christ set us free.

Rachel Marie Stone, author

Eat with Joy: Redeeming Gods Gift of Food

Regret can debilitate us. Paralyze us. Imprison us in a shriveling life. Michelle Van Loon knows what its like to live in regret and with its accompanying miseries. But, no more. Now she lives the Jesus life to the full. In this warmly rich and insightful book, Michelle becomes for us Gods messenger of grace, one who helps us unlock our prison doors. Read this book and be set free to live the abundant life Jesus offers. Stick with this eminently wise companion. I can think of no better guide to lead us from regret to redemption.

Marlena Graves, author

A Beautiful Disaster: Finding Hope in the Midst of Brokenness

If onlyI could make sense of all the stuff that either hasnt happened, wont happen, or cant happen. Regrets come 24/7, and Michelle helps us choose a journey that releases us from our resentments over lifes missing pieces.

Melinda Schmidt, broadcaster
co-host, Midday Connection,
Moody Radio Network

Michelle Van Loon writes with sensitivity, biblical insight, and touching humor about something that is painfully present in all of our lives. If Only addresses a topic that can either overwhelm us or paralyze us. She helps us understand regret, see it clearly, and deal with it appropriately. This book will be a much-needed resource, especially for women, and will help many untangle the webs of regret that have held us captive for years. I highly recommend this very special book.

Dale Hanson Bourke, author

Embracing Your Second Calling

In If Only, Michelle Van Loon not only acknowledges the weight of guilt most of us privately carry, but parses the difference between remorse and regret. More importantly, she invites readers to redeem our if onlys. Convicting, confessional, and grace-filled, Van Loons words will nudge readers toward letting go of regret and toward loving God and others with a whole heart. I love the stories she tells and the wisdom she imparts in this compelling book.

Jennifer Grant, author

Love You More,
MOMumental,
Disquiet Time,
and 12.

Copyright 2014 by Michelle Van Loon

Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City
PO Box 419527
Kansas City, MO 64141
www.BeaconHillBooks.com

2014 eISBN 978-0-8341-3273-3

Printed in the
United States of America

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Cover Design: Ryan Deo
Interior Design: Sharon Page

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture marked KJV is from the King James Version of the Bible.

Permission to quote from the following additional copyrighted version of the Bible is acknowledged with appreciation:

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher. If you have received this publication from any source other than an online bookstore, youve received a pirated copy. Please contact us at the Nazarene Publishing House and notify us of the situation.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Van Loon, Michelle.

If only : letting go of regret / Michelle Van Loon.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8341-3250-4 (pbk.)

1. RegretReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4909.V35 2014

248.8'6dc23

2014012024

CONTENTS

1. Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda Versus Me:
Recognizing Regret

2. Oh, the Places We Go!
Hiding from the Sins We Commit

3. Doing a Whole Lot of Nothing:
Avoiding the Messes of Others

4. I Want What I Have and I Want What You Have Too:
Stealing Your Own Life

5. Hiding in a Stack of Fig Leaves:
When Someone Elses Sin Tries to Write Your Story

6. Whats in the Vault?
Compartmentalizing as a Way to Silence the Past

7. The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth:
The Confession Cure

8. Truce like a River?
The Peace That Crosses Our Dividing Walls

9. When the Past Becomes the Present:
Why Our History Still Tells Tales

10. All Things Work Together For:
The Story of the Sequel to Our If Onlys

Have you ever had a time in your life when it seemed you kept having the same conversation over and over again? It was this way for me about the topic of regret. After a while, I recognized God was at work in dozens of conversations I had with women ranging in age from early twenties through seventy-plus. My first thank you goes to each person who shared her struggle with if only with me and gave me the privilege of sharing a bit of my own in return.

A big thanks goes to the team at Beacon Hill, who believed in the message of this book. It has been a joy and an honor working with each one of you.

I am grateful to Meg Kausalik, Dr. Kathy Bogacz, and Carol Marshall, who volunteered to read much of the first draft of this manuscript. First drafts are never pretty, but they managed to hear what I was trying to say despite the messes I sent them, and their prayers, questions, and feedback helped me clarify my thoughts. If this book makes sense, it is due to their input.