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Brenda Shoshanna - Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind

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Dr. Shoshannas words are wonderful! Marianne Williamson

Fear can ruin relationships, harm careers, and destroy peace of mind. It holds us hostage to pain...but Dr. Brenda Shoshanna has the techniques to set us free. With Fearless, Dr. Shoshannaa radio host, author of The Anger Diet: 30 Days to Stress-Free Living and a practicing psychologist for almost 30 yearshas created a unique guide to understanding how fear works. Combining the teachings of East and West, and including real-life anecdotes and practical exercises, it provides the psychological, spiritual, and practical guidance for attaining a life of growth, fulfillment, creativity, and well-being.

No matter what your fears are: fear of success; love; loss; or confrontation, Dr. Shoshanna shows how to convert this constant sense of dread into peace of mind.

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Fearless T HE 7 P RINCIPLES OF P EACE OF M IND Brenda Shoshanna PhD - photo 1

Fearless

T HE 7 P RINCIPLES OF
P EACE OF M IND

Brenda Shoshanna, PhD

Picture 2STERLING ETHOS
An Imprint of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.

New York / London
www.sterlingpublishing.com

STERLING and the distinctive Sterling logo are registered trademarks of Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Dataz
Shoshanna, Brenda.
Fearless: the 7 principles of peace of mind / Brenda Shoshanna.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-4027-7067-8 (hc-trade cloth) 1. Peace of mind. 2. Fear. I. Title.
BF637.P3S517 2010
152.46dc22

2010003448

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Published by Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
387 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10016
2010 by Brenda Shoshanna Lukeman
Distributed in Canada by Sterling Publishing
c/o Canadian Manda Group, 165 Dufferin Street,
Toronto, Ontario, Canada M6K 3H6

Book design and layout: Rachel Maloney

Manufactured in the United States of America
All rights reserved

Sterling ISBN 978-1-4027-7067-8

For information about custom editions, special sales, premium and corporate purchases, please contact Sterling Special Sales Department at 800-805-5489 or .

This book is dedicated to Noah Lukeman, my wonderful agent,
whose unending efforts on my behalf have given birth to this work.

Special Thanks

I WISH TO OFFER SPECIAL THANKS FOR THE LOVE , Support, wisdom, guidance, and encouragement that contributed to the writing of this book.

First, thanks to my dear family, who never fail to offer love and supportDanny, Gerry, Melissa, Abram, Joshua, Yana, Adam, Zoe, Remy, Jake, Maya, Zachary, and Cassie.

I want to thank my wonderful editor, Jennifer Williams, whose diligent work and lovely disposition have greatly contributed to this project.

I particularly thank those whose unending friendship, practice, and wisdom have guided me along, including Eido Roshi, Robert Kennedy, S. J. Roshi, Ernie Castaldo, Larry Crane, Michael J. Creeley, Burt Dubin, Haskel Fleishaker, Rabbi Joseph Gelberman, Ed Glassing, Martin Hara, Lindsay Harrison, Gene Krackhel, Richard Schiffman, William Solomon, Bernard Starr, Fay Tabakman, Scott Young, and Ralph Zeitlin.

Contents

PART 1
The Seven Principles of Peace of Mind

O NE
Principle 1: The Courage to Be Who You Are

T WO
Principle 2: Letting Go of Attachment and Grasping

T HREE
Principle 3: Recognizing the Voices Within

F OUR
Principle 4: Finding a Safe Harbor

F IVE
Principle 5: Blessing Others: Deeds of Love

S IX
Principle 6: Letting Go of Control and Domination

S EVEN
Principle 7: Discovering Your Perfect Nature: Becoming a Friend

PART 2
Becoming Whole

E IGHT
Finding the Precious Jewel

PART 3
Workshop on Dissolving Fear

Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.

T AO T E C HING

T ODAY, WE ARE A NATION BATHED IN FEAR . Just a few years ago, it seemed as though opportunities were endless. By and large, jobs were secure, banks were stable, and we could count on the ever-expanding growth of our economy to help us fund our childrens future and our own. There was a sense of stability, prosperity, and hope. Most importantly, we felt invulnerable to foreign attack, and confident that our borders would never be violated.

The shocking events of September 11 ushered in a new era, however. Not only were we awakened harshly to terrifying and tragic events, but the sense of being shielded in our own land had suddenly been ripped away. Since then, fear has become a part of our daily lives. Every day, in the months that followed 9/11, we checked to see if there was a red or yellow terror alert. Would the terrorists strike again? How safe would we be that day?

Next came the Iraq war, causing further upheaval, fear, loss, and dissension. The national and international turbulence goes on and on. Today, many of our basic anchorsso much that we once counted on to keep us securehave been taken away. The world seems to be turning upside down. This is a time of crisis.

However, the Chinese ideogram for crisis means opportunity. When our sense of security is taken away, when we dont know where to turn nextthis is a time filled with surprising possibilities for extraordinary growth, discovery, and even fulfillment. Now we are being forced to re-evaluate our lives. The vital questions in front of us are, What can I really count on? Where does my true security lie? How do I start over? What do I really need in order to live a fulfilling life? These questions are fundamental, the ingredients of a meaningful life. When things go well, we may overlook them. During a time of crisis, however, we are forced to grapple with them every day.

It is therefore of the utmost importance that we stop for a moment and gain clarity and power over fear. If we listen to the false messages that fear brings us, it is easy to become overwhelmed. In fact, the real danger we are faced with today is not loss of income, home, or safety. Our real enemythe number one terroristis the fear we carry within.

We must understand what fear truly is, why it arises, and how we can become stronger than fear and release it from our lives. As we do this, as fear weakens, we can begin to see our situation from the largest perspective possible and get in touch with our enormous inner resources that allow us to handle whatever comes along. We can tap into our fundamental courage, creativity, and wisdom and let them be our guides.

What Is Fear?

It has been said that there are only two emotions: love and fear. For some, paradoxically, love is frightening, while fear feels safe. Many of us depend on fear, thinking it protects us. It can feel good to hold on to fear. At the same time, we are taught that it can be dangerous to be trusting; that love can make us weak. This is the work of fear, creating confusion. Fear thrives on lies. It weakens the immune system, destroys our basic sense of confidence and well-being, takes us off track, and makes us prey to those who wish to control or attack us in various ways. Self-hatred is fueled by fear. Paranoia, an extreme form of fear, can infect every aspect of our being, undermining the very core of our relationships and wiping away the curiosity, playfulness, joy, and love of life that we are born with.

When and Why Fear Arises

When fear takes over, most of us have no way to resolve it, no tools or techniques with which to handle it. Panic attacks, compulsions, obsessions, and other forms of dysfunctional behavior can occur automatically. Fear also arises in love relationshipswhen we feel vulnerable or, conversely, when things are going very well. Some of us feel as if we do not deserve happiness or intimacy and fear losing the love we have found. Some of us fear illness, death, or just being who we are. The lives we live may feel inauthentic, and we suffer the consequences in many ways. In fact, the reason why such staggering numbers of people in the world are involved with alcohol, antidepressants, other drugs, and all kinds of self-destructive behavior can be directly attributed to the effects of fear.

It takes practice to unravel fear. It is one thing to have an intellectual understanding of what is harmful; it is something else to know how to actually get rid of fear in your life. This book will show you how. Contrary to popular belief, it is not at all difficult to do! It simply takes a willingness to take new steps and see with new eyes. The truth is that fear is a bully: When you turn around and face it head-on, it becomes powerless. As you do so, you see that the very thing that once seemed so terrifying is simply made of dust and dreams.

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