Adam Rockman - The Fearless Life: Confidence is a Choice

The Fearless Life:

Confidence is a choice

Adam Rockman

Copyright 2018. Evolve To Win. All Rights Reserved.

This document may not be reproduced without express permission from the author and publisher.

ISBN-13: 978-171863040

Contents

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Is it easy to get on the baseball team? Mrs. Crane asks one of her students.

Yeah I just had to get a health check-up. So, I went to the doctor to make sure all my bells and whistles are in order, he replies.

Its not supposed to whistle! shouts Scott.

The class erupts in laughter.

Even the ever-serious Mrs. Crane cant hold it in. Sometimes Mrs. Crane wants to angrily shout at Scott to shut his loud, annoying mouth or else she would staple it shut. But, on occasion his outbursts were a welcome relief from the stressful nonsense she endures as a high school teacher.

She tries to hide a smile. I shouldnt laugh, but that was funny , she thinks.

Scott smirks as he stands up to get a drink of water, aware that the classs attention is still on him, he pats a quiet classmates head while passing.

Good doggy! Scott says loud enough for the entire class to hear.

Again, everyone laughs except for Max, disgusted at being treated like a dog.

Mrs. Crane waits for the class to settle down to begin her lesson.

What makes him think its OK to touch me? I dont know him. How can he think its OK to pretend Im a dog to make himself seem cool? he thinks.

He imagines shouting, Dont touch me! He even opens his mouth to say it, but feels a noose tightening around his neck.

He often gets asked awkward questions by classmates. Why are you so quiet? Why dont you talk?

He always imagines shouting back, Why are you so noisy?

But he usually just responds with, Nobody asked me anything. Ill talk when people talk to me first.

The truth is, fear keeps him from sharing his thoughts. Sharing the wrong opinion could equal rejection. The craving for acceptance consumes his every action. Terrified of exposing his true personality, he clings to a protective shell made from everything he hopes will win him social approval. Some people dont mind being carbon copies of every other person. Sacrificing individuality is worth the comfort of acceptance from others. But for Max its a living nightmare.

He always felt driven to be unique. In first grade his teacher said something that changed his life. Most people in the world are right-handed. So, put the pencil in your right hand like this.

The statement confused Max.

Max immediately picked up the pencil with his left hand and decided to write with it for the rest of his life. If most people in the world do something, then why should I want to be like them? He thought.

He didnt want to copy what everyone else was doing. The instinct to develop his own personality conflicted with a natural desire to seek the approval of others. The more unique he wanted to be, the more he would need to hide. Of course, he couldnt yet articulate these things in those words, but he felt something was wrong.

Okay hand in your homework from yesterday, Mrs. Crane demands.

Students start pulling pink worksheets out of binders for Mrs. Crane to collect. Max opens his binder and realizes he forgot to do the homework.

His heart pounds nervously as Mrs. Crane approaches his desk. Hed seen her yell at students for not finishing homework before and did not want to be on the receiving end of her scolding.

Wheres your homework? She demands while glaring at him in disbelief.

Committed suicide because you gave it too many problems! is what he wanted to say.

Funny statements often came to him, but he never shouted them out in class. He fantasized about getting even more laughter than Scott did.

But then he felt the eyes of his classmates staring at him.

Sorry. I forgot to do it, he admitted.

With his back to the cafeteria wall, he eats.

Occasionally he eats with a classmate, but only when invited.

Daydreaming about living a different life, he doesnt even notice when his only friend in school walks up to him.

Hey Max, hows it going? asks Jason as he sits down.

All good, comes his response.

I thought you ate at the second lunch, Jason asks.

I did, but I changed classes, so I think Im always eating first lunch this semester,

Relieved that his only friend in school would be able to eat with him, Max relaxes a little.

Did you see the Macgregor vs. Aldo fight last night? Max asks.

That wasnt a fight. It was over before it even started, Jason huffs.

I wish I could knock people out like that, fearlessly and precise.

People like Scott? Youd get your ass kicked. I just wish hed stop calling me blubber-face all the time, Jason mutters in a dejected tone.

Max chuckles. Just tell him, at least you are fat and not ugly like him, because you can lose the fat, but he cant lose the ugly.

Funny, but I dont think so. Did you see what he did to Steve?

Steve got the black-eye when he tried to hit him but missed, lost his balance and fell down, Max says shaking his head.

Yeah but then Scott kicked him while he was down, Max interjects.

At that moment, Max notices Scott walk past two English teachers nearby. That kid gives me the creeps -- he never blinks. Max overhears one say to the other while still looking at Scott.

When the bell rings signaling the end of lunch break, he quickly throws away his trash and walks to his locker, but his left ankle catches on something solid in his path. He tries to kick away but isnt strong enough and he ends up falling face first into the concrete floor. Blood drips from a small cut on his face and his bruised chin stings from the impact.

Nearby students laugh.

He looks back to see Scotts hairy calf extending into his path.

Rage builds. He thinks of the conversation hed just had with Jason. Filled with adrenaline, pain, and overwhelming fear, he stares Scott in the eye and barely stutters out a response as he stands back up. Whywhy did you trip me?

Trip you? You must have tripped on your crappy clothes. You really should be more careful where you walk.

Scott keeps staring and never looks away.

Youre the one with shitty clothes. You think your cool with that stupid sticker on your hat? Do you have to prove you are too retarded to know how to remove stickers from your clothes? Did you put on that ridiculous Affliction shirt thinking it was going to make girls like you? Do you like being an unoriginal idiot like everyone else?!

The words were ready to launch at his foe -- insults Max wanted to shout at him for a long time, but they were locked behind a brick wall. He opens his mouth but the invisible noose around his neck only tightens. He drowns in the ocean of words he wants to spew out.

Scott smirks as Max breaks eye contact and limps away.

In the restroom, Max wipes the small trail of blood from his cheek. It doesnt hurt, but the embarrassment and his inability to fight back is much more painful.

Memories of torture flood his mind. He thinks of all the times Scott threw balls directly at his face in PE class. The most embarrassing moment was when Scott poured a cup of brown pudding on Maxs pants one day and kept shouting That loser crapped his pants! Kaylee, the girl Max liked, ran away gagging in disgust because she didnt realize it was only pudding.