Craig Groeschel - Going All the Way: Preparing for a Marriage That Goes the Distance

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11. Pure Intimacy:
The Naked Truth About Getting Closer

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I s she the one? Four words that shaped my hope. My wish. My prayer.

Her name was Kelli. She was more beautiful than words could describe. Her tan was perfectly golden. Her blond hair couldve starred in any shampoo commercial. Her smile stopped me in my tracks. And her legs Ill just say, praise God for legs!

Kelli was wildly popular, completely feminine, yet also athletic. Confident, yet humble. Exciting, yet pure. Every guy I knew liked her.

I loved her.

Kelli dominated my thought life. Will she go out with me? Go with me? MARRY ME? Have my children? Live with me in ahouse with a white picket fence? You know, for our dog. Not a chick dog, like a Shih Tzu. A real dog. Maybe a black Lab. Or a German shepherd. Named Joe

In my daydreams I was always the hero, rescuing Kelli from attackers using my finely honed nun-chucks skills. I protected her while stranded on a desert island. I kept her warm during a dangerous blizzard. All my fantasies ended the same: Kelli fell in love with me, then kissed me until I couldnt breathe. It was our destiny to be together. Forever. (Can you hear a Luther Vandross love song playing softly?)

Maybe my imagination was getting ahead of me. After all, shed never spoken to me. She didnt even know my name. And, well, we were both in seventh grade.

But trifling details couldnt weaken her magnetic pull. My life orbited around her. The mounting pressure seemed too much for my heart to bear.

Could she be the one?

Youre probably not in the seventh grade (and glad you never have to return to junior high hell again). But that longing for the one is virtually universal. Youve yearned for the one to be part of your lifeyour soul mate, bound by passionate affection and a forever vow.

Does a fulfilling, lifelong commitment exist in your future? You hope so, but maybe youre not sure. When someone cute moves to your school or starts a new job at your office, you wonder, Could this be the one?

Or maybe youre already in love with someone. At this moment all the love songs on the radio make sense. You spend hours in the Hallmark store choosing the perfect card for your honey-pie-love-bunches. (You leave with eleven cards and a stuffed walrus.) For you the question isnt in the back of your mind; its front and center, and you believe you know the answer. I think theres a one for me after all!

But perhaps youre on the other side of the relationship divide, and youre not so optimistic at the moment. Youre recovering from a painful breakup. Disillusioned. You were sure youd met the one. But that was before the lying. Before the drifting apart. Before the restraining order. Before the dude like Jim Carreys character in The Cable Guy.

Maybe you were married. With all your heart, you believed it was forever, but it simply wasnt true.

Whether it was divorce or a breakup, you feel alone. You ache, wondering when the pain will ease, if youll ever love again. Were you even meant to find the one? Does wanting it to be true make it true?

I dont blame you. Ive felt the same way. Slightly optimistic one moment, devastatingly depressed and hopeless the next.

I always hated the person with all the answers. You know, the married friend who preaches, You just have to not care. Then youll find the one. Or If you just surrender, the perfect person will show up.

Whatever.

You might be thinking that Im the annoying know-it-all right now. What does some married pastor-guy know? What could I gain from reading another stupid book about preparing for marriage?

Good questions. Ill admit, I dont have surefire formulas for how to find the love of your life in thirty days or less. I wont try to sell you on five steps to living happily ever after. My goal is twofold. First, Ill offer a different perspective on a marriage that lasts a lifetime. And second, I plan to offer you

Hope.

Its hard to be hopeful these days, to be confident youll find your soul mate and enjoy a long and fulfilling life together. Many twenty- and thirty-somethings today see marriage as a risky venture. Theyre not cynical, just observant. They see plenty of unhappy couples, dismal divorce statistics, and heartbreak in families, often their own.

No wonder people are getting married later in life, with more reservations and less success. Many are hiding from their fears by building their careers, postponing marriage indefinitely.