Eileen Bailey - What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org/bookstore

2016 by Michael G. Wetter and Eileen Bailey

All rights reserved. Published 2016.

No part of this publication, either print or electronic, may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement. Appendix C may be duplicated for personal use.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Wetter, Michael G., 1970- author. | Bailey, Eileen, author.

Title: What went right: reframe your thinking for a happier now / Michael G. Wetter, PsyD and Eileen Bailey.

Description: Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden Publishing, [2016] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016027084 (print) | LCCN 2016032788 (ebook) | ISBN 9781616496562 (softcover) | ISBN 9781616496579 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Attitude (Psychology) | Thought and thinking. | Happiness.

Classification: LCC BF327 .B35 2016 (print) | LCC BF327 (ebook) | DDC 158.1--dc23

LC record available at

https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__lccn.loc.gov_2016027084&d=CwIFAg&c=6ZBjJJ4GuzMgOe9TMyqXQw&r=vBflsmEaOWpbeg2lwWNjxrpqoqDhA8a4pT_DERhNpP8&m=UIQftIt0FvHgcYW1cgL7uj_ABK7w1LPEixlhFZ85we0&s=nF3loO3QkgxxXUwiYumxBPYl26M4i5e4mRVv_apmYZA&e=

Editors note

The stories in this book are based on actual experiences. The names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.

This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.

Readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.

20 19 18 17 16 1 2 3 4 5 6

Cover design: Terri Kinne

EileenTo my parents

Edward and (the late) Maria Schneider

For always believing in me.

MichaelTo my daughter

Leah Brielle Wetter

For giving me new reasons to smile each and every day.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Eileen Bailey and Dr. Michael Wetter would like to thank our agent, Marilyn Allen, for her unwavering belief in us. And many thanks to our editor, Sid Farrar, whose many hours of hard work made this book possible.

Eileen would also like to thank and acknowledge Dr. Michael Wetter, the best co-author I could ask for. Michael shared his wealth of knowledge and expertise to help bring you, the reader, a comprehensive and interactive book; it was a pleasure to work with him. As always, I would like to thank Evelyn and Soloman, who are a great source of pride and inspiration. And many thanks to Liz and Joy, for endlessly encouraging me. Writing this book would have been much more difficult without our standing Friday night dinners. To the friends and psychologists I spoke to during the writing process, thank you. Allowing me to bounce ideas around has proved invaluable.

Dr. Wetter would also like to acknowledge and express tremendous appreciation to co-author Eileen Bailey, who was able to seamlessly transfer concepts of emotion and cognition to the written page. She was, by far, the best co-author and partner I could wish to work with. I would also like to thank my parents, Jack and Helen Wetter, as well as my sister, Karin Rose, for the years of support and guidance they have given unconditionally. Thank you to the individuals and families I have had the honor of working with over the years, whose ongoing commitment to self-improvement helped inspire me to write this book. To my wife, Josefina, thank you for helping me on my own path of continued self-growth and awareness.

You are probably aware of the benefits of eating a healthy diet and exercising each day. You might go to the doctor once a year for your annual physical to make sure youre healthy. You have been taught all your life how to take care of your physical health. But what about your emotional health? We dont have annual checkups to make sure we are handling stress or feeling good about ourselves. It might surprise you to know that a healthy self-esteem benefits you in all aspects of your lifephysical health, relationships, and satisfaction with life. There are many reasons to pay attention to your self-esteem the same way you do to your physical health.

If you have a healthy self-esteem, you are:

Comfortable with yourself. You dont feel the need to adapt your behavior, views, or values to fit those of the people around you.

Healthier. Low self-esteem increases your risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and cancer. Aging in America: Time to Thrive, a paper by Deborah H. Hammons of the University of Pennsylvania, indicates that the ability to cope with and not catastrophize events added to longevity.

Better able to handle stress and challenges. When you have a high self-esteem, you believe in your ability to overcome adversity. It isnt that bad things dont happen in your lifethe stronger your self-esteem, the better your ability to cope when things do go wrong. You tend to see challenges and problems as opportunities and are more likely to be solution oriented than problem oriented.

More satisfied, happy, and fulfilled in life. A healthy self-esteem means you believe youre deserving and worthy of love and happiness, and therefore seek it out. You are more content with your life. You probably have an optimistic outlook on life and have less fear of uncertainty in new situations.

More willing to articulate needs and wants. When you believe you deserve happiness, youre more willing to ask for and seek out what you want, whether its a better job, a compatible spouse, or close friendships.

Able to accept yourself. You accept that youre going to make mistakes and that you arent perfect. You dont need other peoples approval and understand that you cant please everyone. This doesnt take away from the feeling that youre competent, capable, and worthy of love.

Accepting of others, even when they disagree with you. Because you have confidence in your own abilities and are willing to accept imperfection in yourself, youre willing to accept it in others, without judgment.

More satisfied with relationships. When you think about yourself positively, you feel better not only with yourself but with the people around you. As your self-esteem increases, so does your satisfaction with your relationships with significant others, family, and friends. People with strong self-esteem are less likely to stay in unhealthy relationships.

Maintaining a focus and balanced perspective on what went right. Rather than dwelling on your past problems and mistakes and letting them define you, youre able to give higher priority to the positive things that happened, including the guidance, care, and support from significant people in your life and your past successes and accomplishments. You learn from what went wrong but dont ignore what went right.