Tamar Chansky - Freeing Yourself from Anxiety: 4 Simple Steps to Overcome Worry and Create the Life You Want

Freeing Yourself from Anxiety

ALSO BY TAMAR E. CHANSKY

Freeing Your Child from Anxiety:
Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome
Your Childs Fears, Worries, and Phobias

Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking:
Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime
of Resilience, Flexibility, and Happiness

Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder: A Powerful, Practical Program for Parents
of Children and Adolescents

Copyright 2012 by Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D.

Illustrations by Phillip Stern

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address Da Capo Press, 11 Cambridge Center, Cambridge, MA 02142.

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Cataloging-in-Publication data for this book is available from the Library of Congress.

First Da Capo Press edition 2012

ISBN 978-0-7382-1483-2

ISBN 978-0-7382-1541-9 (e-book)

Published by Da Capo Press

A Member of the Perseus Books Group

www.dacapopress.com

Portion of Give Me Back My Name by David Byrne reprinted with permission from Warner-Chappell

Note: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. This book is intended only as an informative guide for those wishing to know more about health issues. In no way is this book intended to replace, countermand, or conflict with the advice given to you by your own physician. The ultimate decision concerning care should be made between you and your doctor. We strongly recommend you follow his or her advice. Information in this book is general and is offered with no guarantees on the part of the authors or Da Capo Press. The authors and publisher disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book. The names and identifying details of people associated with events described in this book have been changed. Any similarity to actual persons is coincidental.

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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Phil, Meredith, and Raia

Your mind, this globe of awareness, is a starry universe. When you push off with your foot, a thousand new roads become clear.

RUMI

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

WILLIAM JAMES

Justin is losing sleep over his job. Although the job is going well, he cant turn off his whirring head. Finishing things provides no relief, because theres always the next thing, another day, another disaster he fears he has to avert.

Lucia has a knot in her stomach that wont let up. She worries about her children, even though theyre grown. With grandchildren now, she worries even more because something is always unsettled: Will they get bullied, will they get hurt, will they do well in school?

Gabby is facing chemotherapy. Her doctor describes her prognosis as very good, but when Gabby thinks about her cancer, she cant stop worrying. She knows its not good for her health, but she just feels like she cant cope.

Manny wants to start dating, but whenever he tries to talk to a woman, he thinks of everything hes doing wrong. Feeling completely inadequate, Manny has started to doubt why anyone would even be interested in him.

Whether you are in the midst of a difficult time in your life, or you simply want to live more optimally with everyday hurdles, you are not alone. All of us are looking for happy endings. But the way our anxious mind tells the story, even day-to-day transactions can feel riskyeven harrowing. Out of scant details, mere hints of threat can create a frightening scenario that debilitates you. You react physically and emotionally to every hairpin turn, gearing up as if the story your mind is showing you is really happening. You are a captive audience.

What is anxiety? It is the first-reaction of a sensitive system that is wired to keep us alert to danger and protected from harm. In our more primitive days, anxiety worked beautifully in a fight or flight reaction to help us escape hungry tigers, woolly mammoths, and other dangerous threats. But today, with our best interests in mind, anxiety sometimes makes mistakes, overshooting and overpreparing. Especially when we are facing challenges, we need to be at our best. But anxiety can put any of us at a disadvantage. You dont need worry running through disastrous plot lines and consequently wearing you out and gearing you up unnecessarily for the wrong things. You just want to take good care of yourself and be well-prepared for life. Your life.

Fortunately, your survival-oriented brain is not the only one running the show. You have a choice. Rather than stay glued to your seat, white-knuckling your way through a life that in reality is supremely better than your anxiety would have you think, you can walk out and trade in your tickets for a different show. You are the protagonist of your life story. You are the hero who comes through for yourself every time. And you get to decide who narrates.

Whether youre one of the millions of people trying to reduce stress and improve the quality of your life, or perhaps one of the 17 million people suffering from depression or one of the 40 million adults with an anxiety disorder in a given year, the news is goodvery good. Not only are anxiety and depression the most treatable mental health conditions, they can be effectively prevented. The strategies here will show you how. So pull out your directors chairyou are now running the show.

As a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, I have been immersed in the world of worry for more than two decades. Most of my working hours are spent listening closely to the experiences of thousands of patients who bravely come into treatment for one simple reason. They want to do something in their life and fear is getting in the way. From my youngest patients who want to ride the bus, go on a sleepover, or raise their hand in class to the adults who want to go out on a date, leave a relationship, ask for a raise, or simply live life without being derailed by electric jolts of fear throughout their day, it is the nature of the human spirit to want to grow. And thats a good thing. You want more for yourself, and you dont want to be on the sidelines of life. But how do you know how all those new experiences will turn out? Thats just it. You dont. Putting your toes in those uncertain waters is just where anxiety comes in. As it waits at the ready to show you remote possibilities, it is adamant that you treat them as probabilities. That protection can lead you astray, grabbing your attention from what you need to focus on and insisting that you instead grapple with worst-case scenarios.

Everyones worry story has a similar plot line, and it doesnt end well.