Natalie Lue - 100 Days of Baggage Reclaim: The Self-Esteem Project

Published by Baggage Reclaim, the trading name for LueSim Ltd.

This edition first published in 2016

Copyright 2016 Natalie Lue

Natalie Lue asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this Work.

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

Cover design by Louise OKane, lulacreative.co.uk Please note that this book is not a substitute for medical advice, not least because Im not a doctor. If you feel that youre unable to help yourself alone or with support from friends and family, its critical that you seek professional support.

If youre already diagnosed with a condition that affects your rationale, while you may find this book useful, its best to seek guidance thats specific to your condition.

Please also note that I write in [British] English, not US English, just in case you were going to tell me that Id misspelt something with a s instead of a

z.

Natalie Lue has been studying relationships and habits for as long as she can remember, curious about what makes people tick, whats behind our problems, and why were all here. Inspired by her noting that grown-ups were having affairs, up to other mischief, or pretending to be happy while they were patently miserable, Natalie has since turned all of her observations and chaotic upbringing into illuminating lessons to help people live and love with self-esteem, which she shares through her blog

BaggageReclaim.com and via her books and courses. She lives with her husband, two daughters, and their nutty dog in South East London.

INTRODUCTION

What you do for you some or all of the time matters more than what you do occasionally or rarely, which means that if you're not treating and regarding you with love, care, trust and respect as part of your day-to-day, your self-esteem is going to feel the pinch.

You may have thought about trying to do better by you and maybe you've done the odd thing here or there, but you've gotten sidetracked or disheartened by not getting instant or very quick results. That's not to say that doing something nice for you or trying to have a positive attitude isn't beneficial, it's just that if your main habit is to be hard on you and to do things that in essence, impact on your overall wellbeing, you're not going to reap anywhere near as much benefits as you would from being a bit more self-compassionate on a consistent basis.

If you've been wondering how to start, or what you need to do, or would like to get some insights into self-esteem so that you can begin to make sense of your current attitude and habits, this book will help.

It's 100 Days of Baggage Reclaim, lots of bitesize doses of inspiration, mindset shifts, tips and practices to help you discover and reclaim the great you within so that you can enjoy more loving relationships and experiences.

Imagine the things that you could do and how you might feel if you consistently invested a little bit of time in you!

HOW IT WORKS

Think of this as a challenge to put aside a little bit of time to not only get to know and take care of you but to open up your thinking on love, relationships and life. I know that like most people on this planet, you have a busy life so this project is delivered in bitesize doses but those words travel a long way. Some days are about stretching your thought process, some will be about trying something new or doing a small task, sometimes there will be a theme over a few days, and all will contribute to building self-esteem driven habits of thinking and behaviour. You can of course read ahead instead of only doing a day at a timego at a pace that feels good and right for you.

Take self-esteem driven action every day. It doesn't matter where you've been before; we all start somewhere and it starts with a step, and then more steps.

Track Your Journey

A key part of your self-esteem project is using journaling to connect with not just with who you are as you ponder questions along your journey and attempt to make sense of your present or past circumstances, but to also note what's working and what's helping you to feel good about you.

Make sure you that you have a notebook at the ready from day one. I share journaling tips and prompts throughout the challenge but if you're new to journaling, you can download my 10 tips for journaling sheet.

Its important to note that this process isn't about arriving at a destination; it's about getting into the habit of spending more time in the zone of self-esteem coming from a place of love, care, trust and respect.

Day 1 - Self-Esteem: The Sum of How You Treat and RegardYou

When you examine the ways in which humans attempt to feel more valuable and worthwhile, it becomes apparent that we really don't understand what self-esteem is. We keep looking outside of us (external esteem) and this soon overshadows our own feelings, thoughts, needs, expectations, and desires. We become unsure of ourselves and increasingly at the mercy of and reliant on other people, things, and substances, to make us feel 'OK'.

We don't realise that we can't keep going outwards and expect to feel good inwardly. How reliant we are on external factors is the degree to which we lack confidence. If 90% of our energy is going towards pleasing others in order to feel worthy, we can expect our confidence to be -90%.

Self-esteem is about the way that you treat and regard you.

It's the day-to-day actions and thinking and what you carry from your experiences in the baggage for your journey, that determine whether you consider you to be a worthwhile and valuable person. It's about whether you use outer references to determine your feelings and opinion of you and about whether you come from a place of love, care, trust and respect, or from fear, guilt, shame, anger, and making you small. It's about whether you're using a narrative of judgements as a reference for your present perspective, or whether you're showing up and recognising your humanity including how you've grown and who you are yet to become.

Self-esteem comes from you.

TODAY'S JOURNALING PROMPT

How reliant are you on external esteem and how much of your self-esteem is based on negative stories, fears and criticisms? Can you see the ways in which these are eroding your self-esteem and weighing you down?

Day 2 - Being Hard On You: Using a Hammer Where YouNeed a Hug

Think of some of the things that you've been hard on you about, you know the ones where you've called yourself a "fool", "stupid", a "failure", "loser",

"reject" (or insert your insult of choice), and where you haven't been able to forgive yourself and where you feel as if you need to keep reminding you of your screw-up lest you forget the 'horrors' of it and repeat it. How's that working out for you?

Do you feel good?

Do you feel loved, heard, cared for, forgiven?

Do you feel confident?

Do positive insights and self-compassion you've gained from your experiences cause you to evolve?

Being hard on you, especially on a habitual basis, is an expression of contempt. There's no perspective or compassion; you're being unforgiving.

These critical judgements form part of your narrative, a backing track fuelling your inner critic. By being hard on yourself, you protect you from what you - on some level, along with your inner critic, - think is a bigger future pain. The exaggeration of your past actions or flaws blocks vulnerability.