Raymond R Mitsch - Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love: Daily Meditations to Help You Through the Grieving Process

2014 Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Revell edition published 2014

ISBN 978-1-4412-2546-7

Previously published by Regal Books

Originally published by Servant Publications in 1993.

Ebook edition originally created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patents and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Other version used is: TLBScripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible, copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

As of the reprinting of our book, word has come to me that my co-author, Lynn, passed into glory in August of 2012. She was an invaluable addition to this book. When I was in the last throes of writing this book, I fell desperately ill and Lynn came to my rescue. She added a much needed feminine touch to our book as well as much needed editing flourishes. It wouldnt have been the book so many have loved without Lynns touch. May God use her words to touch peoples lives even beyond the grave. As the apostle Paul reminded us in 1 Corinthians 15:54-55, Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? This book is a testimony to the fact that death no longer holds us hostage to its sting.

Ray Mitsch

Ray went out on an emergency call a couple of years ago with his father-in-law, Paul, who is a veterinarian. Paul had been called to his animal clinic because a dog had been badly injured in a car accident. Once he had determined that the pooch was too injured to be helped, there was nothing left to do but put him out of his misery. Ray assisted Paul by holding the frightened dog in his arms while Paul gave the dog a fatal dose of a sleep-inducing drug. Ray was stunned by the remarkable swiftness with which the animal moved from life to death. In an instant, a living, breathing being was gone, never to return. Ray was compelled to face, once more, how fragile life is. The entire experience brought back all of his grief over his fathers death.

Rays dad died when he was just twelve years old. An only child, Ray and his dad had been extremely close. His dads death came at a time in Rays life when he was particularly vulnerable to feelings of loss and isolation. In addition, adolescents and pre-adolescents are particularly keen on having control over their lives, so the powerlessness Ray felt in the face of death was even more devastating than it might otherwise have been.

Ray was too young to have the resources to grieve adequately. He was afraid to cry for fear of appearing to be a sissy. He was unaware of the havoc that unexpressed grief can play in a persons life, so he had a much greater incentiveor so he thoughtfor stuffing down his sorrow and getting on with his life than he did for expressing his sorrow. Besides, Rays mother was counting on him to be the man of the family now. He had to be strong for her.

All these things caused Ray to postpone dealing with his sorrow. Now, years later, Ray finds that hes forced to deal with his grief a little at a time as opportunities like putting down a dog present themselves. Perhaps thats one reason Ray has chosen to become a psychologist, so that he can help others avoid the pitfalls into which he fell. Thats certainly why he wanted to write this book.

Lynn had a similar experience. When Lynn lost her first child within hours after her birth, she didnt know how to grieve. She hid her sorrow deep within and vowed never to let it out. It took many years for her to come to a place where she felt able to release her immense sadness. During those years her hidden grief took its toll. It was only when she finally acknowledged and processed her grief that she was able to shake off its effects.

Our hope is that you, the reader, will experience good grief. That you will use the pages of this book as signposts meant to lead you to the other side of your grief.

The psychic wound we experience when we lose a loved one to death is much like the physical wound caused by a bad burn. Burn victims are in extreme danger of infection. If an infection takes hold under the scab that develops over the burn it can become life threatening, even when the burn itself is not. The only way to be sure that no infection develops is to scrub the wound periodically, which is extremely painful and said to be one of the worst aspects of the healing process.

Unfortunately, the choices we face as people who are grieving are not so clear-cut. Many of us opt to take what looks like the easy way out. Once the memorial service is over some of us refuse to continue to scrub the wound caused by our loss, declining to deal with the infection that may be developing just below the surface. We are either unaware of, or unwilling to face, the emotional death that may lie in our future as a result of this neglect.

Until recently, more serious burns, those that covered a large portion of the body, presented an even greater risk. Burns tend to ooze liquid from the lymphatic system. People often say that the burn is weeping because droplets of liquid seep from the wound. Before the advent of synthetic skin people were known to die from losing too many precious bodily fluids before skin grafts could be done. In many ways, the grieving process parallels this problem, for its possible to keep our wound open too long, to get stuck in our grief, and to allow it to drain energy and the very life from us.

In our culture we tend to acknowledge physical wounds but neglect emotional ones. Thats particularly true where grief is concerned. We would not expect a burn victim to show up at work after only three or four days in the hospital on the theory that he will work himself back to health. Yet, traditionally, employers in this country allow for only three or four days of bereavement leave. For some reason we seem to expect people to work their way out of their grief. It was not always so.

There was a time, not so many generations ago, when people routinely expected a family to go into mourning for a year or more after the death of someone close. It was traditional for people to wear black for an entire year following the death of a loved one. Wearing black was more than just a formality. It was a way of reminding themselves and those around them that they were still in a fragile state and needed to be treated with special regard.

The grieving process is never neat and clean. It wasnt so generations ago and it isnt today. There is nothing pleasant about experiencing that kind of sorrow. It is intensely painful, even gut-wrenching, and it takes time; often, lots of time. In the process we may ask questions we have never asked before, questions about the nature of God and the worth of life in general. We feel numb. We feel confused. At times, we may feel enraged. But most of all, we feel the hurt. There is no standard for grieving. Loss affects each of us differently so, of course, people dont grieve exactly the same. In spite of all our differences, however, there are still some constants in the way humans deal with grief. It is these constants that we have addressed in this book.