Paul Nash - Supporting Dying Children and Their Families: A Handbook for Christian Ministry

For many in Christian ministry, the death of a child presents a major challenge. This book provides important insights into the issues surrounding such a tragedy, and a wealth of helpful advice on how best to respond to those issues. The authors expertise, gained over many years in his demanding role as chaplain to a childrens hospital, has been distilled into a very readable handbook. Combining pastoral sensitivity with a well reasoned theological perspective, Paul Nash has written a valuable guide for all involved with the world of dying children today.

Derek Fraser, Chair of the UK Board for Healthcare Chaplaincy

Supporting Dying Children and their Families is written with sensitivity, compassion and deep insight into the unique loss which parents experience when their child is dying or has died. Chaplaincy teams and all those involved in pastoral and spiritual support will find a wealth of opportunities to reflect on their practice in ways that complement the care they give to bereaved families, whatever the circumstances of the childs death.

Erica Brown, author and Vice President of Acorns Childrens Hospice

There is a wealth of information in this handbook, drawn from many different perspectives. Especially moving are the contributions from parents of children and young people who have died. It is a resource to dip into, reflect on and return to many times for those of us who care for families as we journey alongside them.

Helen Jesty, Chaplain of Naomi House, near Winchester

Supporting a family with a dying child is a nightmare scenario for many professionals in pastoral roles. Paul Nash offers us an accessible and comprehensive guidebook to supporting such families, which is deeply grounded in pastoral experience and can only serve to improve professional practice.

Mark Birch, Chaplain of Helen and Douglas House, Oxford

Combining immensely moving stories of dying children and their families with deep theological reflection, Paul Nash has created a book that gives practical advice and provides a theological framework for those who minister to and support dying children and their families, and I commend it.

Michael Perham, Chair of the Hospital Chaplaincies Council, 200410

As a patron of the UKs leading childrens cancer charity, I know the anguish a childs death causes and the vital importance of caring support for bereaved families. Its why I believe Supporting Dying Children and their Families is very welcome. Through a mix of practical advice, spiritual guidance and real-life stories, together with the views of medical staff, this handbook will help Christian ministers and others provide the support that parents and families need.

Cherie Blair, Patron of CLIC Sargent

The Revd Paul Nash is Senior Chaplain at Birmingham Childrens Hospital and a co-founder and convener of the Paediatric Chaplaincy Network for Great Britain and Ireland. He is also a project leader for Red Balloon Resources (for multi-faith paediatric health, palliative and bereavement care, support and training) and a tutor at the Midlands Centre for Youth Ministry. His first ministry experience was with Youth for Christ, and when he left to be ordained he was part of the leadership team. He is involved in a number of community and church projects as well as chaplaincy work. He was the initiator of the Grove Youth Series and has written What Theology for Youth Work? (Grove, 2007). He and his wife Sally are the authors of Tools for Reflective Ministry (SPCK, 2009) and (with Jo Pimlott) Skills for Collaborative Ministry (SPCK, 2008).

SPCK Library of Ministry

COMMUNITY AND MINISTRY: AN INTRODUCTION TO COMMUNITY DEVELOPMENT IN A CHRISTIAN CONTEXT

Paul Ballard and Lesley Husselbee

PIONEER MINISTRY AND FRESH EXPRESSIONS OF CHURCH

Angela Shier-Jones

READER MINISTRY EXPLORED

Cathy Rowling and Paula Gooder

SKILLS FOR COLLABORATIVE MINISTRY

Sally Nash, Jo Pimlott and Paul Nash

SUPPORTING DYING CHILDREN AND THEIR FAMILIES: A HANDBOOK FOR CHRISTIAN MINISTRY

Paul Nash

SUPPORTING NEW MINISTERS IN THE LOCAL CHURCH: A HANDBOOK

Keith Lamdin and David Tilley

TOOLS FOR REFLECTIVE MINISTRY

Sally Nash and Paul Nash

SUPPORTING DYING
CHILDREN AND
THEIR FAMILIES

A handbook for Christian ministry

SPCK Library of Ministry

PAUL NASH

First published in Great Britain in 2011

Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge

36 Causton Street

London SW1P 4ST

www.spckpublishing.co.uk

Copyright Paul Nash 2011

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

SPCK does not necessarily endorse the individual views contained in its publications.

The author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the external website and email addresses included in this book are correct and up to date at the time of going to press. The author and publisher are not responsible for the content, quality or continuing accessibility of the sites.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Anglicized Edition, copyright 1989, 1995 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 9780281060054

E-ISBN 9780281065967

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Typeset and ebook by Graphicraft Limited, Hong Kong

This book is dedicated to the bereaved families

whose stories are told in this book,

to the many who offer support and care to them,

and to anyone who has suffered the pain of losing a child

Contents

My first thanks must go to all the children and families whose journeys I have been privileged to share. Their stories, whether told here or not, are the foundation of this book. And to those who are quoted here, I am extremely grateful for their willing help, openness and courage in allowing me to pass on their experiences and insights.

I also want to thank the many people who helped me with this book. I am grateful to the BCH Chaplaincy team and other staff at BCH who have been so generous in giving their time to write of their own experiences. Also those from the Paediatric Chaplaincy Network who came to a consultation day for the book, and to others who have contributed to the book from my wider network. Finally, thanks as always to my wonderful wife Sally, who contributed so much in making my hope of this book a reality.

The publisher and author acknowledge with thanks permission to reproduce extracts from the following:

are reproduced by permission of Richard Wilson.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go by Flavia Weedn Archivea, , reproduced by permission.

Do not hurry as you walk with grief from Celtic Daily Prayers: Prayers and readings from the Northumbria community . Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2002 The Northumbria Community.

Celebrating brief lives is reproduced by permission of the Revd Pamela Turner.

In the rising by Rabbi Sylvan Kamens and Rabbi Jack Reimer from Gates of Prayer: The New Union Prayerbook , 1975; under the copyright protection of the Central Conference of American Rabbis and reprinted for use by permission of the CCAR. All rights reserved.

Extracts from Common Worship are copyright The Archbishops Council, 2000, and are reproduced by permission.