Jamie Clague - Ahab and Jezebel: A Bunch of Guaranteed Ways to Ruin Your Marriage

Jamies passion for life, Christ and others is evident in her smile, her transparency,and her ability to relate to others. When she asked the Lord, many years ago, whyshe had so much to say, He replied, Because I want you to put them to rote. Socame Ahab and Jezebel out of misery to ministry. Jamie promises there is more tocome as the words and inspiration keep flooding in. Her hearts desire when writingand speaking to women is to usher them into the presence of their Savior.

Her leisure time is spent hiking, reading, and nurturing relationships.

Jamie lives in Arizona with her husband of thirty-seven years. They have three daughters,five sons-in-love, and nine grandchildren.

Email:

Website:

jamieclagueministries.com

Ahab and Jezebel

I DECIDED

J UNE 2004 IS when I did it; I decided. I remember the minute it happened. My preciousdaddy had committed suicide three weeks prior. My emotions had never been rawer.When you have lost someone precious in your life, it makes the relationships thatremain more crucial to you. In my case I became desperate for deeper, richer relationshipswith all whom I love.

Our marriage had always been a rocky one. We were pregnant and married at seventeenand eighteen years old. By the time I was twenty-three we had three children. Icame to know Christ after about ten years of marriage. Having a teen marriage andbeing unequally yoked were only a couple of the issues. We struggled financially,had a lack of communication skills, had differences in parenting, etc., etc., etc.Over the years, we had been to several Christian counselors, pastors, Bible studies,and mentors for help in our marriage.

So, three weeks after burying a tiny box with my daddys ashes in it, I decided.I decided that my marriage of twenty-seven years was going to change. You see, Ihad spent the last twelve years ministering, for the most part, to my husband ina godly way. I was submissive, loving, kind, and forgiving; but it wasnt working.He still didnt love the Lord and was still angry and controlling. I must tell youthat I was obeying the Lord with a motive. My motive was for my own comfort in mymarriage, for my personal gain of a better life, and to change my husbandicky.

It was time to fix everything crooked in my marriage... because I decided.I decided that I would not allow another loved one in my life to go to the gravewithout rich full relationship with me... especially my husband. I decided we weregoing to love one another. I decided we were going to cherish each moment togetherbecause we are not promised the next moment. I decided we would treat each otherwith love and respect. I decided we would seek God together. I decided we would loveon our kids like never before and let them know how deeply they are loved. I decidedthe time had come and we were going to fix this marriagenow! I decided, whethermy husband liked it or not! My motives were pure, my heart right, and my goals godly.Ladies, this is the day; the day I went my own way.

Can I tell you what that looked like to the Lord?

They have chosen their own ways, and their souls delight in their abominations; soI also will choose harsh treatment for them and will bring upon them what they dread.For when I called, no one listened. They did evil in my sight and chose what displeasesme.

ISAIAH 66:34

You see, ladies, God has a plan for my marriage and for your marriage. When we goaround telling Him what to do and how it is going to go, we are in sin. I stayedin that sin for almost seven years. I stopped loving on my husband, I started correctingeverything he did, I stopped ministering to him, I started preaching to him, I didnot let one thing go, I confronted everything; because I decided.

Do you think you were born with a marriage manual in your head? Do you have expectationsin your heart for your marriage that you have kept secret yet you punish your husbandfor not fulfilling them? Have you broken marriage covenant with selfishness, hate,bitterness, contentiousness, shutdown, or a certain behavior you justify?

Seven years later I had a dead marriage. Before it was problematic, now it was deadin the water. I had managed to destroy any good thing we had had previously. I hadruined my godly example to my unbelieving husband. Way to go, Jamie!

I FELL

But God! Oh, isnt He always restorative and redemptive? After seven years with adead marriage and a walk with Christ that was in shambles, I fell. I fell to my kneesand begged my King to show me. Where had I gone wrong? Why was my marriage dead?Why, why, why? And there was Isaiah: you have gone your own way. Yes I had. I brokebefore Him in repentance. Then my sweet Savior took me to Psalm 32.

If you want deep change in yourself and in your marriage, this is part of that change.If you are sensing in your spirit already that you have gone your own way in yourmarriage, will you put this book down and ask Christ to show you what you have done(or not done) that is going your own way in your marriage? Then repent. Then, witha highlighter go to Psalm 32, read it with Him, receive His forgiveness, and go on.I am going to do this several times during this book, and I beg of you to followthrough.

The precious Lord began speaking to my heart through this psalm: Jamie, you areforgiven. I do not count this against you. You were afflicted with pain when youwent your own way. But you came to Me and confessed; and I, the Lord, will forgiveyou. I will hide you and help you if you will go with Me, not ahead of Me. My unfailinglove is yours.

I got what I desired: unfailing love; my Saviors unfailing love, no matter whereI had beenfor a very, very long time.

So what does God want of you in your marriage? Lets see.

Jeremiah 11:38 uses these words to describe covenant. Our God is a God of covenant,and He takes it very seriously: Cursed is the one who does not obey the terms ofthis covenant (v. 3, emphasis added). Did you stand before the Lord and a multitudeof other people on your wedding day and vow to love, honor, cherish, and maybe evenobey your precious husband? Yes or no? Verse 4 tells us: I said, obey me and doeverything I command you (emphasis added). Are you doing everything the Word andthe Spirit asks you to do or not do in your marriage?

The Lord goes on to say what He will do: I will... give [you] a land flowing withmilk and honey (v. 5, emphasis added). So, He tells us there are good things ifwe will not break covenant. Listen to the terms of this covenant and follow them(v. 6); are we listening to the Holy Spirit about our marriages? Are we following?In verse 7 the Lord tells us: I warned them again and again. How many times hasthe King warned you? He warned me plenty, but I would not listen. Continuing in verse7 the Lord says, Obey me.

Verse 8 explains the response: But they did not listen or pay attention; instead,they followed the stubbornness of their evil hearts (emphasis added). Ouch! Theywent their own way. Not only ouch, but yikes! Have you ever read the Old Testamentand proudly thought, Oh, I would never do that! Obey Christ, listen, pay attention,and do not follow your stubborn heart. I did. I paid deeply for it. I am still payingfor some of it as the Lord does the redeeming, healing work in my marriage. We breakcovenant (marriage covenant) through anger, resentment, rebellion, infidelity, secrecy,bitterness, control, and a myriad of other ungodly ways. We do. We