Michael J Beck - 365 Questions For Couples

365
QUESTIONS
FOR
COUPLES

Dr. Michael J. Beck
Stanis Marusak Beck
Seanna Beck

Adams Media Corporation
Avon, Massachusetts

Copyright 1999, Michael J. Beck, Stanis Marusak Beck, and Seanna Beck. All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 13: 978-1-58062-068-0
ISBN 10: 1-58062-068-X
eISBN 978-1-44051-966-6

Printed in Canada.

J I H G F E D C B A

Beck, Michael J.
365 questions for couples / by the Becks.
p. cm.
Written by Michael J. Beck, Stanis Marusak Beck, and Seanna Beck
ISBN 1-58062-068-X
1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Questions and answers.
I. Beck, Stanis Marusak. II. Beck, Seanna. III. Title.
IV. Title: Three hundred sixty-five questions for couples.
HQ801.B355 1999
306.7dc21 98-47859
CIP

This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, call 1-800-289-0963.

Dedication

for Rachel, who has all the answers

Contents

Relationships
with Others

Life Experiences
and Beliefs

Acknowledgments

W e would like to thank the following people for helping and inspiring us to write 365 Questions for Couples.

Thank you to all of the fine editors at Adams Media Corporation, particularly Anne Weaver, who helped to whip our questions into shape.

Dr. Beck sends thanks to the following people for guidance and support: Dr. Jacob Kesten, Father Murray, Ph.D, and Dr. Phyllis Meadow, both of my parents, and Stanis, Rachel, and Seanna, who inspired me to do my best.

Stanis Beck would also like to thank Stephen Andrew and Eva Marusak (my parents, who set the stage), sisters Karen and Evelyn (who shared it), Dr. Jacob Kesten (who reframed it), my children Seanna and Rachel, and husband Michael (who enlarged and enlivened it), and to the many clients who continue to refine it.

Seanna Beck gives thanks to Linda Nussbaum, Emily Rawlings, Jen Malloy, Jenn DeVan, Neal Agran, Shay McGillicuddy, Ted Kavner, and Josh Nicotra, the best friends in the world. Thanks to her sister, Ray. Of course, she gives love and kisses to Greg Garrison.

We all give our love and thanks to Perry Nelson, to Kay Godan, who takes care of us and keeps us in order, to Bree McNichol, and to all those who play elemental roles in our lives.

Introduction

D o you remember The Newlywed Game, that television show where couples attempted to answer questions about their spouses for cash prizes? Do you recall smirking at people who couldnt recall if their husband liked skiing or surfing, and wives who werent sure about the color of their husbands eyes? Have you, yourself, considered how many things you dont know about the people you care about? Have you wondered why your partner doesnt ask you questions anymore? Do you ever wonder about your lovers first kiss, or their relationship to their mother? Do you wish your partner would inquire about your past? Certainly, there are questions waiting inside of you. Now its time to ask.

Our society has something of an in your face attitude to it, and in this rare time in our social history previously established norms have been dismantled by the media, the educational systems, and even the government, allowing forums for more open discussion.

Unfortunately, too often these forums dont take place in the most important arenasbetween friends, lovers, partners, and people who play critical roles in each others lives. The most basic question can probe the deepest facet of ones psyche. Simple inquiries can provide boundless insight into someones emotions and feelings. The problem is, the questions just arent asked. When was the last time you shared a dream, a memory, or a feeling with your partner? If it has been a while, its time to get started.

Simply put, 365 Questions for Couples will allow you to get closer to your partner. Find some quiet time and comfortable space and sit with this book. Make sure that you have privacy, and that the phone wont interrupt your answers. Flip through, and find a question that youve never asked before. Weve developed our questions based roughly on the categories that we ask our clients to focus on in our therapy sessions, requesting that they consider goals and fantasies, life experiences and reflections, emotions, dreams, ideas and fantasies about sex, memories of the past, and feelings about their relationships both in general and with their partner. These categories represent a broad spectrum of situations and ideas that most people dont stop to consider during the course of a typical day and, when combined, will enable you to gain a more complete understanding of your partner. Of course, you can bypass questions that may be too tough, or are inapplicable, or just too personal. Certainly, there are no correct answers, nor are there any wrong responses. You can tackle a couple of questions, or stick to one for a long time. Our only rule is that you cannot ask a question that you refuse to answer yourself. In order to create a comfortable environment and a sense of security, one partner should never feel coerced into revealing more than the other.

In our busy world, emotional connections are buried under the pressures of daily life, closing lines of communication within families. Perhaps some of the questions will raise uncomfortable issues or memories. Some of our questions might cause disputes. Regardless, all of our questions will bring you closer to understanding the person with whom you share your time. People often remark that the best part of a relationship is the beginning, when a mutual interest is shared, and couples learn eagerly about each others past. Our book will guide you back to that state, an at-home therapy session which will provide all participants with a link back to their relationships roots. Now, on to the questions!

Our
Relationship

Do you believe that I know myself well?

What is your favorite thing about my personality?

What, if anything, have you learned from me?

If you could plan a trip for us to any place in the world, where would you choose to take us?

What is your favorite memory about our relationship?

How does it make you feel when we fight?

How do you feel about therapy? Do you think it would be helpful to you? Do you think it could help me? Would you ever consider going to a couples therapist together?

Whats your favorite outfit that I wear? What, in particular, do you like about the way this outfit looks?

In what ways do you think I could make your life easier or more comfortable? What changes or adjustments would I have to make?

What, if anything, do you feel you need to sacrifice or compromise by being a part of our relationship?

How well do you think I handle myself when Im in a crisis situation?

Do you think I manage problems in our relationship well?

What do you suggest I do in order to enjoy life more? Are there any changes you believe I could make?

What do you suggest I do in order to better enjoy my career? Are there any changes you believe I could make?

What, if anything, do you suggest I do in order to relax and enjoy our relationship more?