Susan Cain - Quiet Power: Growing Up as an Introvert in a World That Cant Stop Talking

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Penguin Life is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.

First published in the United States of America by Dial Books for Young Readers, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 2016
First published in Great Britain by Penguin Life 2016

Copyright Susan Cain, 2016
Illustrations copyright Grant Snider, 2016

The moral right of the author has been asserted

The stories in this book are based on interviews with more than one hundred kids, parents and teachers. The names of the kids, along with other identifying details, have been changed to protect their privacy

ISBN: 978-0-241-97789-7

For Gonzo, Sam and Eli, with all my love

S.C.

1. A quiet temperament is a hidden superpower.

2. Theres a word for people who are in their heads too much: thinkers.

3. Most great ideas spring from solitude.

4. You can stretch like a rubber band. You can do anything an extrovert can do, including stepping into the spotlight. There will always be time for quiet later.

5. But even though youll need to stretch on occasion, you should return to your true self when youre done.

6. Two or three close friends mean more than a hundred acquaintances (though acquaintances are great too).

7. Introverts and extroverts are yin and yang we love and need each other.

8. Its OK to cross the room to avoid small talk.

9. You dont need to be a cheerleader to lead. Just ask Mahatma Gandhi.

10. Speaking of Gandhi, he said: In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

Why are you being so quiet?

Friends, teachers, acquaintances, even people I barely know, have asked me this question. Most mean well. They want to know if Im all right, or if theres a reason that Im keeping to myself. Some ask in a way that suggests they think its a little weird that I havent spoken for a while.

I dont always have a clear-cut answer to this question. Sometimes Im quiet because Im in the middle of a thought or observation. Sometimes Im more focused on listening than on talking. Often, though, the reason Im being quiet is because thats just how I am. Quiet.

In school, it always seemed as if outgoing was the highest compliment a person could get. In lessons, my teachers often asked me to speak up more. At school dances I headed for the dance floor with my friends, but if it had been up to me, we would have just hung out together at someones house. I went along to loud, crowded parties in college, but I couldnt shake the feeling that I would have had a better time eating dinner with a friend or two and going to the cinema. I never complained about it, though. I thought that I was supposed to do these things in order to be considered normal.

Throughout this time, Id built up a small but close network of friends and colleagues. I never really cared whether someone was popular or not, which meant that some of my friends were cool and others not at all. Thanks to my preference for intimate conversations, my friendships were built on mutual trust, enjoyment of each others company, and love. They had little to do with cliques or popularity contests. People started to praise me for my insightful questions, my ability to think independently and my calm approach to tense situations. They complimented me on being a deep thinker and great listener. They also started listening to me. They noticed that when I spoke, it was because I had something thoughtful to say. And once I moved into the working world, the bold, outspoken types who had once intimidated me started offering me jobs!

As time went on, I realized that my quiet approach to life had been a great power all along. It was a tool that Id just needed to learn how to use. I looked around and saw that many of the great contributions to the world from the Apple computer to the Cat in the Hat had been made by introverts because of, not in spite of, their quiet temperaments. I culled my ideas into a book for adults called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cant Stop Talking. It hit the New York Times bestseller list and has stayed there for years, and has been translated into forty languages. Thousands and thousands of people have told me that this simple idea that their quiet approach, if used correctly, is a powerful force actually changed their lives. It touched them in ways I could not have imagined.

Soon I was doing things that seemed impossible when I was younger. When I was at school, for example, I was terrified of public speaking. I couldnt sleep the night before I had to give a presentation. Once I was so scared that I froze in front of everyone and couldnt even open my mouth. Now, as an advocate for introverted people, I appear on TV all over the world and deliver lectures in front of thousands of people. I gave a TED Talk about introversion that became one of the most watched TED Talks of all time, with many millions of views. (TED stands for technology, entertainment and design, and is the name of an organization that holds conferences where people share big ideas.)