Chris Folmsbee - A Faith of Their Own: Understanding the Common Cry of Preteens

Some days I wake up thinking about how challenging it can be to raise our children. Only a few short hours before I wake up ready to embrace the new day, Ive made sure all three of my kids have brushed their teeth, Ive kissed them goodnight, prayed with them, and turned out their lights, eagerly awaiting the silence to break into the frenzied day. You know the routine, Im sure. My wife and I dont set out hoping for a frenzied day, and we certainly dont invite it.

Even though most nights are reasonably peaceful, the moment my feet hit the floor and I begin thinking about the day ahead, I experience what at times can be an overpowering sensation of undeniable apprehension.

To be completely honest, many days I am terrified I will squander the time I have with my children. I know time flies by. I know there are only so many hours in a day. I know that in the blink of an eye my kids will be off to college or whatever vocation they choose. I dont need silver-haired women in the narthex of our church to look me in the eye and say, Enjoy the time you have with them because, before you know it, theyll be gone. Poof! Just like that!

Actually, I do need that reminder, although I dont always like it. The truth hurtsor at the very least, it stings.

Life moves at an immeasurable pace. Not technically, of course; we have clocks. But how can it be that my baby girl is now thirteen? It just cant be happening! Just yesterday we celebrated her first birthday. There is nothing that can measure the speed at which life goes out. When it comes to nurturing children, time is incalculable. Time has no reason or desire to be your companion, and it knows it. I imagine a cartoon of a very large clock with a sinister smirk on its face, looking over the earth and basking in its influence and dominance in and over our lives. Time, although immeasurable when it comes to raising children, is a major force.

The fear, or as I described it earlier, the overpowering sensation of undeniable apprehension that I so often live with, is not a fear of culture like so many of the others around me. I do not fear that society lurks around the corner, waiting in the darkness for my kids to walk by in order to grab them and imprison them forever in the clutches of malevolence and iniquity. I know the world is broken and that brokenness brings awful headlines to the forefront of all our news outlets, many of which burn into our collective memoryespecially those tragedies that involve our own families.

I also know, however, that I worship a God who promises and provides the world with the very hope and healing that transcend the brokenness of this world. Yes, the brokenness in this world is dangerous, and yes, it can destroy lives. Like time, brokenness has no desire to be your companion. Still, I dont fear the things of this world. Maybe I should; I dont know.

But what I fear the most is my own inability to live and faithfully model the Jesus way. Time may be immeasurable when speaking of nurturing children, but is my lifeas patterned after the life of Jesusimmeasurable? I sure hope not. I hope my children can measure my faithfulness to living in the Jesus way. I pray that my life will reflect that of Jesus and that it will inspire my children to walk in the way of the Spirit. God redeems the world every day, removing every oppressive influence around us and liberating us from them. It is that truth in which I rest peacefully. Brokenness will not win; hope winsevery time. As my pastor, Adam Hamilton, likes to remind our church family: Thanks to the resurrection of Jesus, darkness does not have the last word.

So it isnt a fear of the world or the cultures and subcultures within the worldwhether global or localthat deliver the overwhelming sensation of undeniable apprehension that I live with nearly each day. It is I. It is my life, especially my inner life. In response to an article another person wrote, theologian G. K. Chesterton once wrote, Dear sir: Regarding your article What Is Wrong with the World?I am. Yours truly.

What is wrong with culture? I am. What is wrong with the church? I am. What is wrong with my children? I am. Therefore, I am not paranoid or panicked or really even concerned about the outside influences that shape my childrens life, such as music, movies, the internet, technology, and so on. I am mostly apprehensive about the internal influences I allow to shape me.

You Get What You Are

Most anthropologists, sociologists, psychologists, etc., will tell you this same thing: You get what you are. In other words, your children, in the end, become like you. This is my apprehension. Do I want my children to become like me as I am, or do I want my children to become like who I am striving to become?

Several places in this bookand in the subsequent resources in this A Faith of Their Own serieswe will look hard and deep at the life of Jesus. We will together evaluate our lives against the life of Jesus, which we are all called to live. For Gods sake, and for the sake of this world, dont stop at fearing the outside influences of culture; if you are going to fear something, fear the internal influences in yourself.

My Experience as a Dad

I am the father of three children. Its magical. I love it. There is nothing in all of life I would rather do than be with my children. My wife and I have been married nearly sixteen years. Together we learn to love each other more each day through the opportunities we have to love our children. Although I would never call raising children easy, I do consider it a complete privilege.

My thirteen-year-old daughter, Megan, is just like her mom. She is beautiful on the inside and out. She is compassionate and tender toward the needs of others. She has a bit of an entrepreneurial bent, like me. With this innovative spirit, she mostly tries to find ways to care for others. Her ideas for her future revolve around the blessing she can be to others. But she is, after all, thirteen. So dont think for a minute that she doesnt have a bit of self-absorption. Like many young teens, she lives in the tension of discovering who she is becoming and who others want her to be (others being her friends at this point) and what she knows God wants her to become.