Tommy Nelson - Walking on Water When You Feel Like Youre Drowning: Finding Hope in Lifes Darkest Moments

Seven steps to joy, rest,
contentment, and hope

Tommy

In the depths of my depression, I would sometimes go to the top floor of our barn and preach to myself. I took Ephesians 1 and preached it just to feel the joy of the Holy Spirit in the proclamation of the Word. The thought of once again standing in the pulpit was like a light at the end of the tunnel.

There were times when I would stop at the church instead of driving by, walk into the empty sanctuary, and stand at the pulpit. I would run my hands along the smooth edges of the sacred desk and let my eyes move about, imagining where the familiar faces would be.

It took about two months before I finally got a medication that relieved my symptoms, and then it took about a month to gain my life back.

Meanwhile, I was making preparations to get back in the pulpit. I scheduled various Bible studies for just a dozen or so people to get my feet wet and to find out if I could teach with the same energy. I could, and it was marvelous.

I also found out how wonderful it was just to enjoy simple things I had taken for granted in the past:

To sit and delight in feeling normal

To read and absorb knowledge

To enjoy the human warmth of family and friends at a meal

To lie in my bed and read until I became sleepy, and then turn off the light and fall into a natural and pleasant sleep.

You realize that the most wonderful thing about life is life. There is joy simply in being alive. In a depression, you do not feel any of lifes joy. But once you are restored, all you really need is to breathe.

Still, I looked forward to preaching again. I had to call off most of what I had put on hold earlierthe Song of Solomon conferences, the Young Guns program, traveling to speak, and two of my mens Bible studies. But the pulpit still remained prominent in my mind.

My first Sunday back, I shared with the congregation for about ten minutes on what I had been through. Though Christians may not want to talk about depression, as a pastor who had disappeared for four months, I did not have the privilege of concealing where Id been.

I didnt receive even one discouraging or judgmental word. Rather, I received a stack of letters and e-mails from people in the congregation who had been through exactly what I had been through, but no one knew. I found out that two of my elders, three of my staff, and my secretary had gone through clinical depression.

As my message went out on tape or CD, I began receiving calls from people all over the country who were going through depression and wanted advice. As a matter of fact, I went from being the guy who spoke about the Song of Solomon and sex to the depression guy. I learned to value others sympathy as each day my mailbox was filled with letters and prayers. Christs body drew around its fallen.

There is joy simply
in being alive.

I found out that when your perception of reality is flawed and all you can do is pray, suffer, and wait, then you learn about the grace of God. Sometimes people who go through depression appear to experience a strange sort of baptisma baptism of fire and purification, one that comes from not being able even to lift the shield of faith but just lying weary beneath it. Depression will draw you into a breath-by-breath relationship with God.

In fact, a number of good things can come from this affliction.

For one, as I mentioned before, you learn to delight in just feeling normal and good. It is good for the eyes to see the sun (Ecclesiastes 11:7, NASB). Being alive is a delight that you can take for granteduntil it is taken away. You learn to thank God for being normal.

Next, you learn to appreciate the Bible. A depression or anxiety can take away your ability to emotionally engage the Word of God. This was the greatest of distresses during my afflictionI could not read my Bible for any length of time. Never again will I take for granted simply reading and delighting in the Word of God. What joy it is to soak in the Scriptures! In my recovery, I began to read not just for sermon preparation but for the pure joy of learning. The delight of the books (2 Timothy 4:13) had come back.

Another blessing I got from going through depression is that I learned to empathize. Never again will I look at those who are struggling with depression or anxiety in the way I had looked at them before. The tendency is to see them as weak. But once you experience the clinical nature of depression or anxiety, you are forever quick to come to their aid. That is why you are initially desperate to find someone who has been through depression and can guide you through it from firsthand experience. You need to know from a survivor that there is hope.

I found a deeper appreciation of my wifes love. I found out that a great many marriages break up over depression, because the mate simply cant get a handle on what his or her spouse is experiencing. I truly dont know what I would have done without Teresa, because we went through it as a couple. Ive also learned to listen to her counsel with a more attentive ear when she says Im overloading. Teresa was with me through it all.

In short, as Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities, It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I wouldnt repeat what I went through for anything, but I would not trade the experiences either. I discovered in a new way the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge. (Ephesians 3:1819, NASB). I realized that when I was in a dark wilderness with no concept of what God was doing, His lovingkindness and truth followed me all my days. I realized, like Joseph of old, that God had plans that transcended all my senses, and I could learn to rest in Him.

I know there will come a day when other pains will befall me, and someday Ill hear the inevitable command to get your affairs in order. But I will navigate that day, because I have been to the bottom of the sea and He was there. As Corrie ten Boom said, There is no pit so deep that Gods love is not deeper still.

Psalm 84:6 says, As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs(NIV). Baca means weeping. When we go through times of weeping, we are only passing through. But God will turn the pain into a place of blessing for all who go that way. Our pain can become a future blessing to others.

Steve

In summary, here are seven steps from the book of Philippians that you can take to start healing from the emotional pain of anxiety and depression.

1. Dont stay stuck in the past or become a victim of your past. God is a God of future hope, not a God of a painful past.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. (Philippians 3:13)

2. Stay focused on Christ and not on yourself. Turning in on yourself leads to misery. Turning outward leads to blessing others and God.

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14)

3. Learn to rejoice always in all things.

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! (Philippians. 4:4)

4. Remember that fear is not from God. We must learn to be thankful for everything God allows to happen in our liveseven the hard times. Prayer, trust, and gratitude will produce a peace that keeps our minds safe in Christ.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:67)

5. Get rid of your stinkin thinkin. Satan is the father of lies and desires to destroy you with them. God is a God of truth, and Scripture says that the truth will set you free. If you stay focused on what is wrong with your life and believe lies about yourself and God, you will have no peace, joy, or hope. On the other hand, if you dwell on the things of the Lord, as the apostle Paul said, the God of peace will be with you.