Cindy Easley - Dancing With the One You Love: Living Out Submission in the Real World

3. Without a Word
Submission and the Nonbelieving Husband

4. The Caregiver
Submission to a Husband with a Chronic Illness

5. Codependency versus Submission
Is There a Difference?

6. Reentry
Submission and the Often-Absent Husband

7. The Power Broker
Submission in the Home of a Powerful Woman

8. The Wage Earner
Submission and Economic Role Reversal

9. Culture Battles
Submission and Matriarchy

10. He Said
What Our Husbands Think about Respect

11. Man to Man
Chauvinists Need Not Apply, by Michael J. Easley

Epilogue
The Proverbs 31 Woman
The Example of Ruth Graham

W hy in the world would I write a book on submission? Im sitting at my computer, thinking of the hate mail Im sure to receive. Im not someone to run toward conflict; on the other hand, I dont have any problem standing firm for what I believe to be true. So here I am writing a book I know will be considered controversial at best, adversarial at worst. Let me tell you how this started.

I was raised in a home with a quiet, subservient mother who waited on my father hand and foot. I vividly remember my father returning from work in the evenings. As soon as he walked in the back door, my mother would follow him into the bedroom, shut the door, and they would spend a few minutes talking over the day.

Mostly I remember hearing my fathers raised voice. He often seemed to yell at her, but she never responded in kind. I determined at that time that I would never be like my mother. I loved her immensely, but I would never let a man treat me like that. Later, when I heard the word submission, I decided if my mom was submissive, I certainly would never follow her example.

The concept of submission didnt creep back into my conscience until I was married. I respected my husband, falling for him in part because I saw him as a stronger leader than I was. This was rare for me. I would have classified myself as a Christian feminist, but knew that Michael was a man I would be willing to follow. Somewhere along the way I was confronted with the idea of submission again. I didnt like it or agree with it, but the more I studied the Scriptures, the more I became convinced that God did, indeed, give us roles in marriage to adhere to. I was concerned that so many people misrepresented biblical submission, even those who touted themselves as biblical literalists. I expected the world to misunderstand submission, but thought those who taught the Bible from our pulpits should know better.

In our culture submission is viewed as a throwback to the 1950s and the days of Leave It to Beaver. Submission is represented as repressive servanthood, rather than a voluntary desire to empower a husbands leadership. Marriages that accept the headship/helper model are mischaracterized as one-sided, with wives who are barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, who have little to offer in their thoughts or opinions. A submissive wife is considered to be more like a Step-ford wife than an intelligent woman who is capable of her own choices. After all, what rational woman would ever choose to follow a man?

As with many things in our culture, this view of submission has found its way into the local churchs teachings. In recent times the church has faced debate over whether God ordained marriage to be egalitarian or complementarian.

In an egalitarian marriage, the roles of husband and wife are equal. In other words everything is fifty-fifty. Roles are defined by the couple, rather than by culture or even the Bible.

I have to admit, this view is more palatable than the complementarian view. After all, no one wants to be considered the lesser in a relationship. On the other side of the aisle is the idea of a complementarian marriage. This view states there are distinct roles in a marriage. The husband is the head of the relationship; the wife is the helper. Although the man and woman stand equal before God in worth, they have specific roles. They complement each other in these roles.