H. Norman Wright - Recovering from Losses in Life

Also by H. Norman Wright

Making Peace with Your Past
Finding Freedom from Your Fears
Always Daddys Girl
Quiet Times for Couples
The Complete Book of Christian Wedding Vows
A Dad-Shaped Hole in My Heart
Helping Those Who Hurt
The Perfect Catch
Experiencing Grief
The New Guide to Crisis & Trauma Counseling
Before You Say I Do
One Marriage under God
Quiet Times for Those Who Need Comfort

1991, 1993, 2006 by H. Norman Wright

Published by Fleming H. Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2010

Ebook corrections 06.20.2016 (VBN), 02.12.2019

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4412-0053-2

Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified Bible, copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.lockman.org

Scripture marked KJV is from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture marked TLB is from The Living Bible, copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified NASB are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.lockman.org

Scripture marked NCV is taken from the New Century Version Copyright 1987, 1988, 1991 by Word Publishing, a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations labeled NIV 1984 are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture marked RSV is taken from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Material from chapter 10 taken from Will My Life Ever Be the Same? Finding Gods Strength to Hope Again by H. Norman Wright. Copyright 2002 by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR 97402. Used by permission of author.

Material from When Life Isnt Fair by Dwight Carlson Copyright 1989 Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR 97402. Used by permission.

Excerpt from Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J. William Worden copyright 1982. Published by Springer Publishing Company, Inc., New York 10012. Used by permission.

Excerpt from The Secret of Staying in Love by John Powell, S. J. 1974 John Powell, S. J. Published by Tabor Publishing, Allen, Texas 75002.

Material from Losses in Later Life by R. Scott Sullender 1989 and used by permission.

Material from the book No Wonder They Call Him the Savior by Max Lucado copyright 1986 by Multnomah Press. Published by Multnomah Press, Portland, Oregon 97266. Used by permission.

Material from the book Pains Hidden Purpose by Don Baker copyright 1984 by Don Baker. Published by Multnomah Press, Portland, Oregon 97266. Used by permission.

Material from Grieving: How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies by Therese A. Rando copyright 1988 by Lexington Books. Used by permission of D. C. Heath & Company, Lexington Books.

Material from Men in Mid-Life Crisis by Jim Conway copyright 1978. Used by permission of David C. Cook Publishing Co.

Material from Last Thing We Talk About (formerly titled The Viewfrom a Hearse) by Joe Bayly copyright 1969. Used by permission of David C. Cook Publishing Co.

Excerpts from Helping People through Grief by Delores Kuenning copyright 1987 by Delores A. Kuenning. Used by permission of Bethany House Publishers.

Excerpts reprinted from Where Is God in My Suffering? by Daniel Simundson copyright 1983 by Augsburg Publishing House. Used by permission of Augsburg Fortress.

Material from Necessary Losses by Judith Viorst copyright 1986 by Judith Viorst. Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Excerpt from I Never Know What to Say by N. H. Donnelley Copyright 1987 by Nina Hermann Donnelley. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.

Excerpts from Coming Back by A. K. Stearns Copyright 1988 by Ann Kaiser Stearns. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.

Excerpts from The Survival Guide for Widows by B. J. Wylie Copyright 1982 by Betty Jane Wylie. Reprinted by permission of Ballantine Books, a Division of Random House, Inc.

Go Down, Death from Gods Trombones by James Weldon Johnson copyright 1927 the Viking Press, Inc. renewed 1955 by Grace Nail Johnson. Reprinted by permission of Viking Penguin, a division of Penguin Books USA Inc.

S HE STOOD IN FRONT OF the large group, radiating confidence and assurance. As she interacted with the people, smiling and laughing, it was obvious she was in good spirits. Life seemed to be going well for her.

But several of those in the group she was leading appeared just the opposite. An air of sadness hung over them. A few of them sat stoically. There were no smiles or laughter, no confidence or assurance. After a while, the speaker noticed the ones who seemed to be struggling, and during a break she went over to them.

One by one, the stories poured out. One man had lost his job after twenty-seven years. A mother had a son who was in the last stages of AIDS. Another womans husband had been killed three months previously. And one man had chronic undiagnosed back pains.

The speaker listened attentively to the stories of recent upsets and then said, I can see we all have something in common. Were all dealing with significant losses and experiencing a lot of pain.

A man spoke up. Its true, he said. We are, but you couldnt be struggling with a major loss. Weve watched you this evening, and you are nowhere near where any of us are. Youre not struggling as we are.

Youre right, the speaker replied, when you say that Im not struggling as you are. Im not nowbut I was. And it was difficult. Two years ago, I was in the same type of situation as many of you are: an unfaithful husband, divorce, loss of a home, and my dads sudden death from a heart attack. I was deep in despair. I am still grieving. I am still recovering from my losses. Im just at a different step. I was where you are, and someday you will be where I am.

Loss. Its a simple four-letter word that is one of our common companions throughout life. But we dont talk about it very often. Like a silent conspiracy, we seem to have an unspoken agreement with others not to talk about our losses. Yet with each and every loss comes the potential for change, growth, new insights, understanding, and refinementall positive descriptions and words of hope. But they are often in the future, and we fail to see that far ahead when we are in the midst of our grief.

Nobody likes to lose. Life is supposed to be filled with winners. Look at the headlines on the sports page. The accolades are given to winners, not losers. Losing hurts. It carries sharpened points that jab into our nerves and cause pain. A small loss or a large oneit doesnt matter. It hurts. And it hurts even more because we have not been taught to expect or how to handle the losses of life. We want to be winners. We want success. We want to be in control of our lives, so we build walls around us with signs that say, LossesNo Trespassing! Then, if losses occur, we feel violated.