Lee D. Beck - Thirteen Waves: A Reflection on Challenges, Failures, and Lessons Learned

I believe society has lost its way in raising boys to be great men. We read every day of another school shooting, lack of diversity, fraternity hazing, bullying, domestic violence, suicide, and case after case of anxiety and depression. In all of these issues, men are disproportionately involved or affected.

When my boys were still young, their mother and I divorced, and I felt lost in many ways. Though I was fortunate to receive countless free and unsolicited recommendations from strangers and friends on how to raise boys, I never found a manual on how to raise good men, and I searched everywhere. I was able to find advice on everything from potty training, to disciplinary measures, to first aid, but not on how to build character or teach my boys the foundational lessons of life needed to grow into strong, caring, resilient men.

In my own life, I learned these lessons the hard way with tough but instructive experiences. I always knew I wanted to pass these lessons onto my sons. I thought about writing this book for years, but I kept putting it off. And then I was diagnosed with cancer.

Suddenly, I realized that I really didnt have all the time in the world. I began thinking about what mattered most and whether I had given my boys the lessons and insights that could help them be their best selves and live their best lives. That was the catalyst for taking the words in my head and finally putting them to paper.

In the months between my cancer diagnosis and surgery, I started this book, writing down the moments in my life that had taught me valuable lessons. I wanted to share my experiences and advice, not because I was perfect during my past, but because the lessons from my past had led to my growth. The cumulative effect of the challenges and failures provided me with great awareness of myself, which allowed me to develop a bridge for continuous discussion with my three sons, creating a space for safe, vulnerable, and respectful dialogue. I believe fostering awareness in a boys soul allows him to better appreciate, accept, love, and respect himself more, allowing him to in turn better appreciate, accept, love, and respect strangers and loved ones alike.

I wrote this book for my three boys. I never planned nor expected anyone else would read it. I recall telling the publisher after they expressed interest that I would need only four copies printed, three for my sons and one for me so I could remember what I wrote. I dont think of myself as a writer, and I am still scared to think of people I know and dont know reading about my life and thinking how poor of a writer I am and how boring this book is. However, while I wrote this book with my sons in mind, I believe the larger lessons are applicable to everyone. My hope for this bookand for youis that these words help to spark your own discussions about what it means to live the best version of yourself and your best life. I hope that by reading my experiences, you will be reminded of your own formative life lessons and be inspired to share themwithout needing a cancer diagnosis to push you into action. Whether you are someone raising boys or you are a young man hoping to better connect with your parents or other guardian, if just one chapter or sentence serves as a catalyst for a thoughtful discussion, then this book is worth it. The gift in this book is awareness, that we are not alone, that we all have challenges, but that if we have the courage to ask questions and discuss our feelings, our lives will be more successful and fulfilling. As I learned long ago, life is not about possessions; its about a collection of shared experiences. May this book give you a starting point from which to build shared experiences with your loved ones.

As you read through the book, each chapter contains a unique true story. I focused on challenging times and many failures, as they provided me the greatest insight to what I had done wrong, what I had overlooked or not considered, what I had underprepared for or quite simply not understood. Although I have many proud moments in my life that I would be happy to reflect upon, thats not what provided the greatest teaching. At the end of each story is a short letter to my sons summarizing a key awareness or lesson that I hope they reference when challenges occur in their life.

I dont have all the answers. This book is not a manual on what to do and how. I dont profess to be any smarter than anyone else attempting to solve life. I dont consider myself the perfect father or parent. I have made countless mistakes and will continue to do so (I actually hope I didnt screw my sons up too much!). Im just trying to make a difference in how boys think and feel in an age when thinking and feeling should be prioritized instead of sequestered.

Before we get started, a quick note on the books title. I titled the book based on an altercation I had with a coral reef and an unforeseen large set of waves in the Indian Ocean during a trip a few years ago. I am no Kelly Slater nor would I say Im a great surfer, but I love finding remote locations around the world and learning how much I still dont know. This particular experience occurred during a unique time in my life, and it resonated with the physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual peaks and valleys I have faced.

When you spend some time surfing, you learn that waves tend to come in sets, one after another before theres a break. Similarly, lessons in our life are often part of a set, building upon one another. In this book, I share thirteen lessons total, hence the title Thirteen Waves . (Theres more significance to that number that youll discover later.)

In surfing and in life, the waves will always come. How you handle them is up to you.

Now get ready for the first wave