Riyadh Khalaf - Yay! Youre Gay! Now What?: A Gay Boys Guide to Life

A GAY BOYS GUIDE TO LIFE

Riyadh Khalaf

ILLUSTRATED BY

Melissa McFeeters

My heart sank as my friend asked the question I had been avoiding for over four years. What was it about me that gave the gay away? I felt like he had X-ray visionlike he could see past the thin veil hiding my deepest, darkest secret. I hated him for trying to humiliate me in front of a dozen friends, but I knew why he was asking the question. After all, I was the kid who always hung out with girls, wore flared jeans, and had no interest in soccer. At all. Whats the point in kicking a ball of air up and down a dirty field? I asked myself, Should I lie, and protect myself from embarrassment and abuse? Or should I be brave and own my identity with pride, once and for all? I felt lost and afraid, so I caved and flat-out denied it. No way. What the hell? Everyone stayed silent for what felt like a lifetime, and then they continued with their mindless chatter, leaving me shaken. I had escaped the nightmare of being found out, just. But from that day on, things changed. People were onto me, and I was becoming less capable of manipulating who I was to survive the war zone that was school, and for that matter, the world. Something had to give or I was going to crumble.

Feeling different. Thats where it normally begins for a queer person. You may ask yourself, Am I broken? Sick? Weird? The answer is no. There is nothing wrong with youtheres just something slightly different about you. In time, that difference will become the greatest gift you could ask for. It will bring you love, identity, community, and eventually the freedom to be yourself. I promise.

Life is a wonderful mess of successes, mistakes, joy, heartbreak, and learning. It can be even more intense if youre gay. In this book, I hope to give you some golden lessons Ive learned along the way. Think of me as your supercool gay big brother. Calling myself cool automatically just made me less cool. I am aware of that. Just go with me for a second

Its been eleven years since I first came out. In that time, I have built a career in television, radio, and online, with an audience of almost half a million people, most of whom are LGBT+. Through my work, I have received thousands of messages from queer people in every corner of the world. Their experiences have moved and inspired me to fight for us. You will find their stories scattered throughout the pages of this book along with many of my own. Some are shocking, others are utterly embarrassing, but most will hopefully inspire you and teach you life skills that I wish I had learned sooner. The names and exact locations of the people who told me their stories have been altered to protect their identities. Im sound like that.

Ive also asked some of the most inspirational gay men I know to tell me what advice they would give to their teenage selveseveryone from Stephen Fry to Shane Jenek (aka Courtney Act). The common theme of their advice is it gets better. I promise you, theyre rightit really does!

I hope this book will become your go-to guide when stuff goes wrong, when stuff goes right, or when stuff leaves you confused.

I was once a gay boy, and now Im a gay man, so this book is mainly focused on the very unique experience of being a cis gay boy (a gay boy whose gender identity matches the sexual characteristics he was born with). There are of course many aspects of this book that will resonate with lesbians, bi girls, trans people, non-binary people, intersex people, asexual people, and anyone else from our gorgeous queer community. Everyone in our community experiences a different journey, so it would be unfair for me to try and tell everyones stories.

I hope this book will become your go-to guide when stuff goes wrong, when stuff goes right, or when stuff leaves you confused. You can read it cover to cover or pick out certain sections, but most of all, have fun with it. Rip out pages, scribble on it, take pictures of bits, and, most importantly, share it. This book is designed for everyone and that includes friends, families, teachers, and even bullies. Even if youre not a gay boy, I believe the stories within these pages will help you support, understand, and love your gay brother/friend/cousin/classmate in the way he needs it most. Thats why Ive asked my parents to write a section specifically for your family to read. Their journey to understanding and supporting you is just as important as yours, so please hand this to them too.

Ive gone from being a lonely, lost, and afraid 13-year-old boy to a confident, caring, content, and proud gay 27-year-old man. I dedicate this book to you and the millions of beautiful gay boys around the world fighting to find themselves and the love they deserve.

Why do I feel all fuzzy and weird when I look at that guy? Why dont I feel the same way when I look at girls?

This question has gone through millions of gay boys heads since, well, forever! The fuzzy feeling can pop up like an unexpected boner (more on those to come) and can go away just as fast. Just remember that its okay, its normal, and its not something you need to change.

Lets call that feeling a tingle. I had my first tingle for a guy when I was about seven years old, watching the Disney movie Aladdin. Yes, my first crush was on a cartoon character. At least he was human! Princess Jasmine, his love interest, was just an annoying bystander to me. I was incredibly envious of her because she got to hug and kiss my Arabian prince. Aladdin had gorgeous olive skin, wavy black hair, and a cheeky boy-next-door smile. I was mesmerised. I didnt know it then, but a baby gay was born that day.

Its okay, its normal, and its not something you need to change.

Figuring out if youre gay isnt a complicated scientific processit simply comes down to how you feel. Only YOU can know whats going on inside your head. Being attracted to someone of the same sex doesnt necessarily mean youre gay or bi. Maybe you just admire their talents or their personality. Even though Im super gay, I was obsessed with one of my first teachers, Miss Donovan. Her hair was always perfect, she was so friendly, and she smelled of what I now know is Burberry Weekend perfume. (Sometimes I shock myself with how wonderfully gay I am. What other male student would have been able to pinpoint a perfume brand at the age of ten? Being gay really is a superpower.) I thought I had a crush on Miss Donovan, but it turned out I just idolized herI didnt have romantic feelings for her.

So try not to jump to any conclusions about your sexuality. Allow yourself time to feel different things and dont shut any of them out. If you find your eyes wandering and looking at other boys, then let them. If they wander and look at girls too, thats cool. Allow yourself to fantasize about being close to the person who has caught your eye and see how it feels. Eventually youll know what feels natural for you. Maybe youre attracted to men, or women, or men and women, or non-binary people. Or maybe you dont have sexual feelings for anyone. However you feel, its valid.