David Khalaf - Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage

Advance Praise for Modern Kinship

Modern Kinship is the book that LGBTQ couples have been waiting for. David and Constantino Khalaf take on important and often taboo topics with both wisdom and vulnerability. Offering direction and hope to a marginalized group of people who have long been left out of marriage discussions, Modern Kinship not only validates the unions of LGBTQ couples but helps them last and thrive. I am grateful to finally have a resource for those who need life-giving advice on how to make their marriage last.

Amber Cantorna, National Speaker and Author of Unashamed:
A Coming-Out Guide for LGBTQ Christians and Refocusing My Family

In this much-needed book, David and Constantino Khalaf take the conversation around same-sex relationships in the church beyond apologetics, offering practical insight and wisdom for LGBTQ Christians seeking to find their way in the world of dating, love, sex, and marriage, all too often without the family and community support they deserve. Through their writing, the Khalafs also show how the faithful witness of same-sex Christian couples can enrich and inform the practice and understanding of marriage for all Christians, regardless of sexual orientation.

Matthew Vines, Executive Director of The Reformation
Project and author of God and the Gay Christian: The
Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships

David and Constantino Khalaf have given the LGBTQ Christian community several gifts. Together, they have taken years to work through some of the most crucial conversations and challenges facing an LGBTQ couple who may be seriously dating, engaged, or even newly married. David and Tino, thoughtful relationship leaders, have now compiled their wisdom and experiences in this much-needed book. Marriage counseling is often unavailable for LGBTQ Christian couples. In its lieu, David and Tino have created an effective tool that encourages couples to have productive conversations about engagement and wedding plans, fidelity, family, and children. Their book truly is a gift.

Kathy Baldock, Executive Director of Canyonwalker
Connections and author of Walking the Bridgeless Canyon:
Repairing the Breach between the Church and the LGBTQ Community

Christians are overdue for a marriage resource that is intentionally inclusive across all sexual orientations. Modern Kinship is an instant classic, helpful to couples of any arrangementincluding straight folks.

Mike McHargue, Host of Ask Science Mike
and Cofounder of The Liturgists

Couples in same-sex marriages have few places to turn to, and even fewer public examples, for modern, wise counsel on what it takes to build a healthy relationship that will last. Modern Kinship has arrived just in time. New information for and about same-sex committed relationships was the least of all the gifts I received from reading this book. This book brought me a new perspective on faith, fidelity, and what it really means to be a family. Im thrilled to be able to have something to offer same-sex couples who are looking for practical ways to build a life they love.

Michelle Peterson, Author of #staymarried: A Couples
Devotional and Cohost of The #staymarried podcast

This book goes deep. Dave and Tino invite us to think deeply, no matter our relationship status, and ask the question: What does it mean to bring our full selves to our intimate relationships? Their stories of dating, navigating sexual ethics, working with shame, and figuring out how to do marriage as a gay Christian couple are full of hard-won wisdom. Modern Kinship is as practical as it is inspiring; it gives me great hope.

Matthias Roberts, Host of Queerology: A Podcast on Belief and Being

I cant think of a better book when it comes to helping kinfolk in and around our church find belonging, purpose, and love available to all of us! Jesus invited us to embrace the kingdom of God that was among all of us. The Khalafs offer just that to those LGBTQ friends pursuing Christian marriage and allies supporting them along the way.

Adam Nicholas Phillips, Founding
Pastor of Christ Church: Portland

As a pastor who was trained on a conservative theology, my only knowledge of romantic relationships was based on cisgender heteronormativity. So when our son came out, we had no vision of what a nonhetero relationship would look like. As Ive gotten to know Dave and Tino, they have helped me see the beauty of what I had never seen. Their stories removed much of the fears I had for my gay son by undoing the harmful stereotypes that I was brought up with. And Im thankful that I now finally have a book that I can recommend to queer Christian couples. But the importance of this book is not limited to only queer couples; it is invaluable for parents of queer children who have little understanding of what a healthy, romantic, queer relationship looks like.

Pastor Danny Cortez, Founder of Estuary Space

Modern Kinship

A Queer Guide
to Christian Marriage

D AVID AND C ONSTANTINO K HALAF

2019 David Khalaf and Constantino Khalaf

First edition

Published by Westminster John Knox Press

Louisville, Kentucky

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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information, address Westminster John Knox Press, 100 Witherspoon Street, Louisville, Kentucky 40202-1396. Or contact us online at www.wjkbooks.com.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A., and are used by permission.

Scripture taken from The Message, copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. Scripture quotations noted CEB are taken from the Common English Bible, copyright 2011. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Book design by Drew Stevens

Cover design by Mark Abrams

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Khalaf, David, author.

Title: Modern kinship : a Queer guide to Christian marriage / by David and Constantino Khalaf.

Description: Louisville, KY : Westminster John Knox Press, 2018. | Identifiers: LCCN 2018036073 (print) | LCCN 2018053350 (ebook) | ISBN 9781611649116 () | ISBN 9780664264611 (pbk.)

Subjects: LCSH: Same-sex marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Interpersonal relations--Religious aspects--Christianity.

Classification: LCC BT707.6 (ebook) | LCC BT707.6 .K43 2018 (print) | DDC 261.8/35848--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018036073

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI Z39.48-1992.

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To the memory of Mamatita y Papach, who taught