Shaelyn T. Pham - The Joy of Me

The
JOY
of Me

UNCOVER YOUR LOVING SELF
THROUGH THE ART OF BEING SELFISH

SHAELYN T. PHAM, PH.D.

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 Shaelyn T. Pham Ph.D.

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 1500144436

ISBN 13: 9781500144432

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014915739

North Charleston, South Carolina

Be joyful in hope,
patient in trouble,
and persistent in prayer.

Romans 12:12

This book is dedicated to you.

You are created in an image of love. You are just as loving and giving as you are loved and wanted. It is no accident that you are holding this book. You are meant to live a life full of happiness and fulfillment.

To Jon.

For your love, endless patience, and the incredible journey we have been on together. Im delighted to take this JOY ride with you.

This creation would not have been possible without all of the amazing people I have come to know. Its a privilege to have you in my life.

A special thanks to all of my warriors whom Ive had the honor to work with. Thank you for the laughs, the tears, and the transformations that have happened right in front of my eyes. Youre incredibly strong and courageous for embarking on a journey only a few dare to take. You have inspired me to write this book for others living across the world, whom I otherwise would not have had the privilege to meet.

To my editors Heidi and Kimberley for working hard with me on this book. All of your time and talents are much appreciated. Also, thank you Katie for you words of encouragement and guidance when this book was in its infancy stage.

I want to thank my family and friends for your continuous prayers and support every day. Youre a major inspiration for this book and a great support during the creative process. Thanks to Chris, Song, and Jeff for the back cover photograph. Thanks to Danielle, Kirstie, and Sharon for reading it and providing feedback. A special thanks to Paul, Angela, P.B., and Larry Combs who have been trying to help me raise this baby.

I want to thank the One who saw the divine light in me when I couldnt see it; for putting the desire in my heart and helping me to live out my fullest potential. Thank you Jesus for showing me the exemplifying model of love and how to care for others.

Finally, thank you Jon for always being there and for believing in me. Ill never forget the many late nights of chamomile tea whilst working on this project. Youre an amazing man and Im truly blessed to have you in my life.

Have you ever felt like youre always trying to please others at the expense of your own life?

Well, I can relate.

I grew up in a well-educated family with high expectations. Not only did we need to have high grades, but we also needed to be at the top of our class. My parents were very supportive and they tried to do everything they possibly could to make sure I didnt fall on the wrong side of the track.

To my parents relief, I wasnt a high school dropout. I graduated from college early. I took a year off to work and then moved to California for graduate school. I was working full time and going to school full time. It was hard but I had everything mapped out for my life. Even though I was getting a little tired and running low on energy, I was determined to accomplish everything on my list of goals.

Then, everything crashed and burned after a trip home to visit my family.

Before that visit, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. He was so upset that he lied to my family, telling them that I was dating the head of a gang, who was also a drug dealer. Even now, I cant believe my family listened to him. My family was so terrified with that idea that they insisted I not go back to California because they didnt want me to be in bad company, where I could even get killed. They tried to lock me up in the house to keep me safe.

It was a crazy time! I tried to assure them that there was nothing to worry about, and eventually convinced them to let me go back to California. But once I returned I wasnt the same confident person. I had escaped from my family and their expectations, but I was becoming depressed. There was a small entertainment room in my apartment during grad school that was decorated in blue. It was the perfect room at this stage of my life because I was feeling bluer than blue. I began spending a lot of time just sitting in that blue room. I stopped eating and isolated myself from the world because I couldnt get out of bed. I called in sick to work and stopped going to school for days at a time.

I didnt talk to anyone. I didnt even call my family. I was hurt and confused, and had hit rock bottom. Eventually I found the strength to reach out to an old friend. He recommended an inspirational book for me to read. It helped a little, but it wasnt enough.

I had always been certain that I had a purpose in life, but now I had lost sight of it. I knew that I had to find it again. I mustered every ounce of strength that I had left, picked myself up, and started going back to class.

The class was group therapya required class in the graduate school program.

In this class, we did a lot of processing. It was during these lessons that I realized I had been trying to live up to my familys expectations and struggling to earn their approval. At that moment, I knew I had to let go of their expectations and live my life for me. The veil was lifted and the clarity was there. I knew exactly why I wanted to finish my doctorate degree. It was no longer because of the title that I would hold, nor the approval I would get. It was about my own unique calling for psychology, and what I planned to do with that. That challenging period of my life showed me that I had lived far too long trying to please others and live up to their expectations. I realized that this was my life and that it had meaning. I had recovered not only my purpose but had also rediscovered my soul.

Now, my mission is to help others do the same. Your life has meaning, deep worth, and a very special purpose. My passion and expertise is in helping you claim the life you desire!

The key to true happiness is learning to take care of yourselftruly taking care of yourself. You have to be your own top priority before you can achieve this happiness. The first step toward this state of contentment is to know yourself. How do you define the meaning of life? What about your confidence and self-esteemdo you believe youre worth this happiness? Then, you have to develop your own definitions of success and happiness. You have to map out your destination before you begin the journey. What does success mean to you? What is a successful, happy life? To fully embrace this journey to happiness, you have to be willing to take a chance and really live for yourselfto do what you want. Every day.

It is important to find the meaning of life. You may have pondered the idea at one point or another. Perhaps it did not come out in the form of a statement, but rather as a question.

Why is it important to find the meaning of life? Without having a sense of what life means to you, its almost impossible to find your way.The meaning of life gives you a sense of direction, of where you want to go. It was Tolkien who said, Not all who wander are lost. If you are wandering on purpose, then you will enjoy the process. If you are wandering without a purpose, a sense of direction, and intentions, then you will continue to wander in loss.