Jane Velez-Mitchell - iWant: My Journey from Addiction and Overconsumption to a Simpler, Honest Life

iWant

My JOURNEY from ADDICTION
and OVERCONSUMPTION to a
SIMPLER, HONEST LIFE

JANE VELEZ-MITCHELL

Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Disclaimer: some names have been changed to protect the privacy of certain individuals.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Velez-Mitchell, Jane.

iWant : my journey from addiction and overconsumption to a simpler, honest life / Jane Velez-Mitchell.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

eISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9608-3 eISBN-10: 0-7573-9608-9

1. Velez-Mitchell, Jane. 2. Velez-Mitchell, JanePhilosophy. 3. Women television journalistsUnited StatesBiography. 4. Television journalists United StatesBiography. 5. Recovering addictsUnited StatesBiography. 6. Conduct of life. 7. LifestylesUnited StatesCase studies. 8. Alcoholism United StatesCase studies. 9. Compulsive behaviorUnited StatesCase studies. I. Title. II. Title: I want.
PN4874.V45A3 2009
070.92dc22
[B]

2009023435

2009 Jane Velez-Mitchell

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photo copying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover photo Toky Photography
Cover design by Larissa Hise Henoch
Interior design and formatting by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

For my dad,
Pearse Mitchell

Dad, you were so smart, funny, handsome, andhardworking. I only wish you had made it into recovery. It hurts that I never really knew you, the real Pearsewho would have emerged in sobriety. Im sure you knowthat when you died, I was headed along the very samepath. But I just happened to find a different way. I gotsober. I got to know myself. Dad, I wish I could have shared this journey with you. This is for you.

Contents

Peace is present right here and now,
in ourselves and in everything we do and see.
The question is whether or not we
are in touch with it.

Thich Nhat Hanh from
Peace Is Every Step: The Path of
Mindfulness in Everyday Life

T his book would not be what it is were it not for my fabulous editor at HCI, Carol Rosenberg. Carol took a leap of faith in me, and for that, I will always be grateful. With patience and great judgment, she expertly guided me through the process of telling an honest, personal story. HCI President and Publisher Peter Vegso and his entire team also offered tremendous support. My literary agent, Sharlene Martin, is a buoyant spirit who encouraged me to pursue my dream of telling this story.

There have been many other amazing guides and gurus in my life, people who generously and patiently shared their wisdom and pointed me in the right direction. My news agent, Carole Cooper, and I go back decades. She has always been there for me, with humor and understanding. My dear friend and mentor Celebrity Justice and TMZ creator Harvey Levin has also given me crucial breaks and taught me so much. Nancy Grace, and her executive producer Dean Sicoli, also changed my life by having confidence in me and giving me incredible opportunities. Ken Jautz, executive vice-president of CNN Worldwide, gave me the shot of a lifetime by asking me to host Issues on HLN. I will always be indebted to him. My amazing Issues executive producers, Conway Cliff and Stephanie Todd, have assembled an extraordinary staff and made hosting the show a delightful experience. Janine Iamunno, CNNs brilliant public relations director, is also a blast to work with.

Jane Langley is a very patient, wise, and compassionate friend who has shared with me her wealth of knowledge about how to navigate daily life. Stephen Doran has also been someone to whom Ive turned for help and for a laugh. He always has a fascinating observation that puts things in their proper perspective. Debbie Merrill will always be one of my gurus. She has led the way, showing me through example, how to let go of things that arent good for me and replace them with joyous adventures. My dear friend Abbott Andresen, who tragically passed away, was an angel who guided me to sobriety and with whom I shared so many fun times. Sandra Mohr will always be family to me. She is one of the most compassionate and evolved people Ive ever encountered.

And then theres the rest of my fantastic family. My sister, Gloria Vando, is an accomplished poet who is also a true friend. My niece Lorca Peress now a successful director, started me on my journey to self-awareness by getting me into therapy and has always been a caring shoulder to lean on. My nephew, Paul Peress, is an amazing musician who has embraced a vegan lifestyle andwith his wife Teresahas raised a beautiful and smart vegan daughter, Nicole. Anika Peress, my other niece, a superb songwriter and composer, is a creative and uplifting presence in my life, whose positive spirit is contagious.

Finally, my mom, Anita, has experienced almost a century of adventures and is still going strong thanks to her astounding attitude and vegetarian lifestyle. She is the one who taught me that life is a journey filled with sharp turns and unexpected bumps but that, no matter what, it can still be a fun and joyful ride.

Introduction
I Want My Experiences
to Serve a Purpose

T his is the story of my ch... ch... changes, which took me from insanity to clarity, from egocentricity to altruism, from alcoholism to activism. These changes have marked an evolution in what I want from this life. I am what I want. What I seek to consume, possess, and achieve is a mirror that reflects my lusts and cravings, values and priorities, and moral boundaries or lack thereof. I am happy to say that what I want today is much less toxic and self-centered than what I used to want. Its taken decades of self-examination to peel back the layers and figure out what really makes me happy. And while Im still searching for my ultimate bliss, I know for sure its not what I once thought it was. Its not alcohol, cigarettes, money, food, sugar, or status symbols: Ive consumed all of those in massive quantities, and theyve just made me miserable. Now, I want what cant be tasted, smoked, worn, seen, or counted. Its the opposite of material. As sappy as it might sound, what I want is spiritual.

The shift from material to spiritual is a particular challenge in our culture. We have allowed ourselves to be defined by our consumption, instead of by our ability to move beyond it. To keep consumers consuming, the corporate culture has brainwashed us into thinking we can change ourselves by changing what we buy, which pills we pop, what type of booze we swill, what gated community we join, what kind of golf clubs we swing, and what kind of cancer sticks we dangle between our lips. Weve been told that certain consumer choices say a lot about us, that they reveal our character. If weve stepped up to a more prestigious brand, weve changed for the better. Nonsense! We cannot consume our way into personal growth. Yet, millions of us have bought into this cynical concept of faux identity. If you keep buying the latest and the greatest but feel like youre stuck in the same place, youre just changing labels, and thats not changing. Thats rearranging.