The Best Quotations Ever Collected - Bathroom Readers Institute

Instant Genius:
Smart Mouths Copyright 2009 by Portable Press. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Portable Press is a registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor. All rights reserved. For information, write:
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www.portablepress.com 888-488-4642 Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld, San Rafael, CA () ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-684-5
E-book edition: September 2012 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 13 12 11 10 09

The editors would like to thank the people whose
advice and assistance made this book possible. Gordon Javna Thom Little Jay Newman Amy Miller Dan Mansfield Brian Boone Michael Brunsfeld Sharilyn Carroll Melinda Allman Eric Warren Jeff Altemus Christine DeGueron Bruce Bayard JoAnn Padgett Lisa Meyers Monica Maestas Mary Skiver Ginger Winters Oscar Levant Gary Bundzak Amy Ly Sydney Stanley David Calder Scarab Media (Mr.) Mustard Press Publishers Group West Raincoast Books Porter the Wonder Dog Nicolas de Chamfort once said, Most anthologists of quotations are like those who eat cherries or oysters: first picking the best ones and winding up by eating everythingand man, are we full! Weve picked through tens of thousands of quotations from around the world and from thousands of years ago right up to the present to infuse Instant Genius: Smart Mouths with not only the best oysters and cherries, but also the best pickles, cheeses, goulashes, olives, candies, wines, and liqueurs of quotations to create a cornucopia of wisdom, weirdness, and wit. Like the first book in our Instant Genius series, Smart Mouths is laid out in a scroll format, moving through twenty-two chapters from one topic to another in a natural, flowing manner that allows for quick but thought-provoking entertainment. Some quotes stand alone; others are grouped in categories, such as travel, genius, childhood, sanity, religion, and sex, and some less expected onesincluding household appliances, submarines, junk, and worms. We did this because no matter how hard we try to shoehorn our experiences into tidy categories, life doesnt always cooperateits not that neat. And some observations are singular and defy conventional grouping...just as readers do.

So jump right in. Start at the beginning and read it all the way through, or just open it anywhere and see whats waiting for youmaybe youll encounter the precise words you need to get you through the day. The Editors at the Knowledge Commons The greatest gift is a passion for reading. It is cheap, it consoles, it distracts, it excites, it gives you knowledge of the world and experience of a wide kind. It is a moral illumination. Jonathan Swift The true genius shudders at incompletenessand usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be. Edgar Allan Poe Andy Warhol is the only genius with an IQ of 60. Gore Vidal Society develops wit, but contemplation alone forms genius. Madame de Stael Next to possessing genius myself would be the pleasure of living with one who possessed it. Elizabeth Prentiss Geniusthe ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense. Jason Zebehazy Real genius is nothing else but the supernatural virtue of humility in the domain of thought. Simone Weil I dont want to be a geniusI have enough problems just trying to be a man. Albert Camus

What a large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life, by him who interests his heart in everything, and who, having eyes to see what time and chance are perpetually holding out to him as he journeyeth on his way, misses nothing he can fairly lay his hands on. Laurence Sterne Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings. Jane Austen Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit. Aristotle Its amazing how quickly nature consumes human places after we turn our backs on them. Aristotle Its amazing how quickly nature consumes human places after we turn our backs on them.

Life is a hungry thing. Scott Westerfeld I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he is so busy, youd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. Jack Handey

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory. Paul Fix Id love to see Christ come back to crush the spirit of hate and make men put down their guns. Tiny Tim If all the worlds a stage, I want to operate the trapdoor. Paul Beatty Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. Owens Lee Pomeroy Theres nothing wrong with being shallow...as long as youre insightful about it. Dennis Miller Do you think that every time someone has acupuncture theres a voodoo doll out there having a really bad day? Caryn Leschen There are no true beginnings but in pain. Dennis Miller Do you think that every time someone has acupuncture theres a voodoo doll out there having a really bad day? Caryn Leschen There are no true beginnings but in pain.

When you understand that and can withstand pain, then youre almost ready to start. Leslie Woolf Hedley

When men dream, each has his own world. When they are awake, they have a common world. Heraclitus of Ephesus We are all in this together...by ourselves. Lily Tomlin When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets another one. Eric Hoffer A human being is part of a whole, called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space. Eric Hoffer A human being is part of a whole, called by us the universe, a part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.