Michaela Riedl - Lingam Massage: Awakening Male Sexual Energy

When I was about to give my first lingam massage in 1995 I was incredibly excited and surprised by the many ways a lingam can be touched and honored. Up to that point I had not had much experience with male sexuality, and my relationship with the lingam was correspondingly limited.

In the context of my tantric training, I followed the demonstration of lingam massage closely, equipped with notepad and pencil, since as a diligent student I did not want to miss a thing. My thoughts were racing, my pulse quickened, and I became dizzy when faced with the many different massage techniques, since it seemed impossible to remember everything.

When it was my turn, I was comforted by the thought that I would give my best, even if it wasnt perfect. I opened myself to my Shiva and began contact. I looked long and deeply into my partners eyes and suddenly felt very clearly that I was faced with someone who was not expecting a perfect massage, but a man who simply wanted to be touched, honored, and loved.

The massage began. I gave my best, but my Shiva did not become erect during the entire massage. My thoughts raced: What am I doing wrong? Is he not enjoying my touch? What Im doing must feel terribleI hope nobody notices how bad I am at this!

Afterward, we held each other and talked. He assured me that my touch had felt good, but that he had been too excited to get an erection. For me as a woman it was completely new that a man could enjoy having his lingam touched without getting an erection. It was good to speak with him, and to let go of my fixed ideas of what and how sex had to be.

Since then I have asked men many questions and know now that many of my assumptions about male sexuality and masculinity were never correct. However, its not an easy thing to change them, and I have found that old prejudices and views are powerful, anchored deep within us and rising to the surface as soon as we feel insecure. It is a love of humanity that invites us again and again to let go of old prejudices and misconceptions, and allows us to be open to the unknown and to the present. Nourishing sexuality requires safety, acceptance, understanding, and love. This is as true for men as it is for women.

Just like women, men need an encouraging environment to develop their sexuality. This includes not only the external conditions, but also a relaxed and accepting partnerwho does not have to be perfect, but who does have to be loving and empathetic.

In our AnandaWave trainings and seminars about yoni and lingam massage, which I co-lead with Gitta Arntzen, we continue to address the question of how it is possible to teach different qualities of touch without leading to unrealistic expectations or a limiting focus on performance. And again we only have one answer to that questionit is a love of what we do, and who we do it with. It is something that all of us are learningthat we do our best in a massage, even if again and again we encounter things that dont immediately work. This requires humor, love, and tolerance.

Because our ingrained prejudices do not disappear from one day to the next, understanding sexuality is by necessity a process, not an event. But life is not as hard or as serious as we often think. If we are able to laugh with love when a child learns to walk and falls down clumsily every once in a while, we should be equally able to laugh with love at life and sexuality.

Yoni and lingam massages offer couples a wonderful opportunity to explore themselves and each other with humor, in a clearly defined framework, without prejudice or expectations. The experiences and knowledge gained in this way can then be playfully applied during lovemaking. In this way, couples learn a great deal about themselves, since they have the opportunity to experience themselves in a new way, independent of the needs and expectations of their partners. We can only be good lovers when we know ourselves and our own needs.