Mike Lousada - Real Sex: Why Everything You Learned About Sex Is Wrong

PRAISE FOR REAL SEX

Real Sex is a revelation, a prescription and a relief! Finally a book about pleasure, not performance, that helps us reclaim our innate erotic intelligence, an intelligence that has been subverted by both the media and the porn industry. Real Sex gets a high five and a huge thank you from me. Read it.

DR CHRISTIANE NORTHRUP, NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF GODDESSES NEVER AGE AND WOMENS BODIES, WOMENS WISDOM

Mike and Louise have prompted me to look at sex in a whole new way that Id genuinely class as revolutionary and profound. Their work goes way beyond what happens between the sheets. Its impact resonates positively through so many areas of my life; its as though they bashed the Gong of Wrong in my head, and the reverberations have been echoing through my psyche ever since, highlighting the previously broken ways I was viewing myself, my relationships and my intimate interactions, and evolving them into more constructive, illuminated ways of thinking. This is a book that wont only improve what happens in your bed, but also what happens in your head.

ALIX FOX, SEX EDUCATOR, JOURNALIST AND BROADCASTER

As a model Ive spent the past 10 years working with my body, but thanks to Louise and Mike Im learning how to unlearn all the distorted messages society has bestowed on me and Im trying to strip down to my true core to access what my desire looks, sounds and feels like. We live in such a shame-driven world, and as a millennial I see the positive impact of the Internet but also the negative effects of social media, which can make us feel more isolated and insecure than ever. Mike and Louises relationship, as well as their work as therapists, is a true inspiration. I urge everyone to pick up this absolutely essential book and start accessing your sexuality so that we can connect to ourselves and others on a real level, and be free!

NAOMI SHIMADA, MODEL/DOCUMENTARY FILMMAKER

First published and distributed in the United Kingdom by:

Hay House UK Ltd, Astley House, 33 Notting Hill Gate, London W11 3JQ

Tel: +44 (0)20 3675 2450; Fax: +44 (0)20 3675 2451

www.hayhouse.co.uk

Published and distributed in the United States of America by:

Hay House Inc., PO Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100

Tel: (1) 760 431 7695 or (800) 654 5126

Fax: (1) 760 431 6948 or (800) 650 5115

www.hayhouse.com

Published and distributed in Australia by:

Hay House Australia Ltd, 18/36 Ralph St, Alexandria NSW 2015

Tel: (61) 2 9669 4299; Fax: (61) 2 9669 4144

www.hayhouse.com.au

Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by:

Hay House SA (Pty) Ltd, PO Box 990, Witkoppen 2068

info@hayhouse.co.za; www.hayhouse.co.za

Published and distributed in India by:

Hay House Publishers India, Muskaan Complex, Plot No.3, B-2,

Vasant Kunj, New Delhi 110 070

Tel: (91) 11 4176 1620; Fax: (91) 11 4176 1630

www.hayhouse.co.in

Distributed in Canada by:

Raincoast Books, 2440 Viking Way, Richmond, B.C. V6V 1N2

Tel: (1) 604 448 7100; Fax: (1) 604 270 7161; www.raincoast.com

Text Mike Lousada and Louise Mazanti, 2017

The moral rights of the authors have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the readers discretion and risk. Neither the authors nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made, the failure to take medical advice or for any material on third-party websites.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-1-78180-824-5 in print
ISBN 978-1-78180-899-3 in ePub format
ISBN 978-1-78180-900-6 in Kindle format

Interior images: Liron Gilenberg | www.ironicitalics.com

CONTENTS

This book is dedicated to all the longing hearts that are waking up to the journey of real, embodied, loving connection with themselves and others.

We are immensely grateful to Jovanna Desmarais, Sophia Swire and Claudia Shaffer, who sent us in the right direction; to Rex Brangwyn, David and Simon Confino, who shared their ideas; and to Amy Kiberd and Michelle Pilley at Hay House for receiving us with enthusiasm. Thank you to the Boys and to Lottie for keeping our hearts open, despite the physical distance.

There is something missing from our culture, something fundamental to our happiness as human beings. Without it, our lives will never be fulfilled. Well never feel the sense of balance and harmony that we long for. That something is a healthy relationship with our sexuality for while society pushes sex in our faces every day, we still find ourselves disconnected from it.

This book will explain why a healthy relationship with our sexuality is so important for leading a meaningful life. It offers a new, integrated idea of sexuality that allows for modern technological developments and for pornography (which is here to stay, whether we like it or not), and holds a positive outlook on our future as the sexual beings that we are.

Over its seven main chapters, the book sets out seven essential ways Seven Keys for us to learn to be real with ourselves and with our partners. Its these Seven Keys that can lead to real sex deep, fulfilling and meaningful intimacy, both physical and emotional; intimacy where we can show up authentically, with all our needs, insecurities, our true power and our desires, instead of leaning on the distorted messages weve received from society. Well show you that by having real sex youll not only improve your sex life, but also expand your experience of yourself and your ability to have better, deeper relationships.

We, the authors, live and practice what we teach. There is little difference for us between life and work. In the years of developing professional skills in this field, our own journey into intimacy has transformed who we are and how we relate to one another as weve uncovered and integrated our own insecurities, shame and challenges. As sex therapists (or Love Revolutionaries, as we like to call ourselves), weve developed the Seven Keys over many years of professional and personal experience.

In writing this book, we have called on our experience to help you, like the thousands of men, women and couples we have seen in our private practices, to reclaim your sexuality, expand your pleasure and deepen the intimacy with yourself and with your partners or lovers. Weve dedicated our lives to healing the collective wounds of sex and intimacy because we believe that each persons ability to love to the fullest, and to manifest what were all deeply longing for, depends on our ability to connect with life itself the life that is running through our bodies when we are free to fully express our sexuality.