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West Beverly - The secret lives of teen girls: what your mother wouldnt talk about, but your daughter needs to know

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West Beverly The secret lives of teen girls: what your mother wouldnt talk about, but your daughter needs to know
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In The Secret Lives of Teen Girls, Evelyn Resh, the mother of a teenage daughter and a certified nurse-midwife specializing in the treatment of teenage girls, explores the mysterious world of female, adolescent sexuality and how parents -- especially mothers -- can help their daughters through this tumultuous time. Secrets divulged by teenage girls during consultation have made Resh realize that, with rare exception, most adolescents are left to develop a sexual identity without any adult guidance and often without the most basic knowledge of what is happening to them physically and emotionally. She also realized that many girls are frequently subject to criticism and shaming about their normal, adolescent behavior. Resh believes these issues are what underlie many of the problems teens face during this crucial step into becoming a fully developed adult woman capable of making good, sound, safe, and independent decisions throughout life. Through compelling, frank, and sometimes humorous stories from both Resh and her patients, The Secret Lives of Teenage Girls explains to parents just what is going on with their teenage daughters during this essential phase of their development. She discusses many of the complicated problems shes seen in practice, including not just sexual activity but also eating disorders, substance abuse, mental illness, unplanned pregnancies, violence, and STDs. She also looks at less serious but still troubling issues like under-achievement, battles with parents, and lack of emotional and social support. In this insightful book, Resh provides parents with the tools to help their teen daughters negotiate the waters of their sexual development and emerge with their strength, their sexuality, and their self image intact.--Publishers website. Read more...
Abstract: In The Secret Lives of Teen Girls, Evelyn Resh, the mother of a teenage daughter and a certified nurse-midwife specializing in the treatment of teenage girls, explores the mysterious world of female, adolescent sexuality and how parents -- especially mothers -- can help their daughters through this tumultuous time. Secrets divulged by teenage girls during consultation have made Resh realize that, with rare exception, most adolescents are left to develop a sexual identity without any adult guidance and often without the most basic knowledge of what is happening to them physically and emotionally. She also realized that many girls are frequently subject to criticism and shaming about their normal, adolescent behavior. Resh believes these issues are what underlie many of the problems teens face during this crucial step into becoming a fully developed adult woman capable of making good, sound, safe, and independent decisions throughout life. Through compelling, frank, and sometimes humorous stories from both Resh and her patients, The Secret Lives of Teenage Girls explains to parents just what is going on with their teenage daughters during this essential phase of their development. She discusses many of the complicated problems shes seen in practice, including not just sexual activity but also eating disorders, substance abuse, mental illness, unplanned pregnancies, violence, and STDs. She also looks at less serious but still troubling issues like under-achievement, battles with parents, and lack of emotional and social support. In this insightful book, Resh provides parents with the tools to help their teen daughters negotiate the waters of their sexual development and emerge with their strength, their sexuality, and their self image intact.--Publishers website

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Praise for The Secret Lives of Teen Girls

The Secret Lives of Teen Girlsis a bold and much neededperspective on teen sexuality and should be a must read for all parentsof teens. Evelyns patient stories and personal experiences providereal-world examples that help readers relate to the challenges mothersand daughters face during adolescence. I have been a womenshealth care provider for over 25 years and plan torecommend this book to parents seeking guidance.

Carrie Klima, Ph.D., CNM, University of Illinois at Chicago, College of Nursing

I laughed aloud and bemoaned that I hadnt readThe Secret Lives of Teen Girlsbefore my daughtersadolescence arrived. With wisdom, grace, and an endearing senseof humor, Evelyn Resh encourages a mother to just say yes to herdaughters emerging sexual, relational, and uniquely independentself. Both informative and entertaining, its sure to resonate withmothers, who dance on the head of a pin as they try to help theirdaughters negotiate the joys of becoming women.

Rene Schultz, co-author,

The Mother-Daughter Project

An honest, cogent, indispensible guide that sparkles with insightsfor parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors, and everyone who caresabout teenage girls. Evelyn Resh tackles the sexual dramas and paradoxesof growing up with sound medical advice and teachable Aha!moments that offer galaxies more than just say no.

Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of Women Who Love Sex, The Heartand Soul of Sex, and The Return of Desire

Whether or not we know it, Evelyn ReshsThe Secret Lives ofTeen Girlsis a resource we all have been waiting for. Her insightsabout adolescent girls sexuality, maternal fears and anxiety, and theintricate relationship between the two are clearly and honestly discussedin this brave new book. Sharing examples that demonstrate the sometimesfrightening aspects of adolescent rebellion, Ms. Resh offers timely advicethat can help mothers take the bold steps to honor their daughters choicesand accept their mistakes. The authors wisdom about adolescent girlssexuality, tempered with humor and sensitivity, makes this bookessential reading for every mother of a teenage girl.

Catriona McHardy, Vice President of Education & Training, Planned Parenthood of Northern New England

the

secret lives of

TEEN GIRLS

the

secret lives of

TEEN GIRLS


What Your Mother Wouldnt Talk about

but Your Daughter Needs to Know


Evelyn K. Resh, CNM, MPH

with Beverly West


Picture 1

HAY HOUSE, INC.

Carlsbad, California New York City

London Sydney Johannesburg

Vancouver Hong Kong New Delhi

Copyright 2009 by Evelyn Resh

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Publishedand distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of SouthAfrica by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributedin Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in


Design: Jen Kennedy


All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Resh, Evelyn K.

The secret lives of teen girls : what your mother wouldn't talk about, but your daughter needs to know / Evelyn K. Resh, with Beverly West. -- 1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-4019-2278-8 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Teenage girls--Sexual behavior. I. West, Beverly, 1961- II. Title.

HQ27.5.R47 2009

613.955--dc22

2009018933


ISBN: 978-1-4019-2278-8



12 11 10 09 4 3 2 1

1st edition, September 2009


Printed in the United States of America


For my daughter Thalia My best teacher granter of insights mender of - photo 2

For my daughter, Thalia,

My best teacher, granter of insights, mender of wounds

With so much love

Girls live and grow up in bodies that are capable of strong sexual feelings - photo 3

Girls live and grow up in bodies that are capable of strong sexual feelings, bodies that are connected to minds and hearts that hold meanings through which they make sense of and perceive their bodies. I consider the possibility that teenage girls sexual desire is important and life sustaining; that girls desire provides crucial information about the relational world in which they live; that societal obstacles to girls and womens ability to feel and act on their own desire should come under scrutiny rather than simply be feared; that girls and women are entitled to have sexual subjectivity, rather than simply to be sexual objects.

Deborah L. Tolman, Dilemmas of Desire:

Teenage Girls Talk about Sexuality

It didnt seem fair to her that a girls virginity

was so prized when a boys was merely a burden

to unload at the first opportunity.

Cristina Garcia, A Handbook to Luck

CONTENTS

RAISING APHRODITE

Some say a squadron of horse, some, infantry,

Some, ships, are the loveliest thing

On the black earth. But I say

Its what you desire.

Sappho

The Secret Lives of Teen Girls is my attempt to better understand how the sexual feelings, experiences, and education of adolescent girls I treat as a midwife relate to the sexual, emotional, and physical problems of the adult women I advise in my sexuality counseling practice. I hope to use this understanding to help my own teenage daughter (who happens to be pictured on the front of this book) and teenage girls everywhere to grow into sexually healthy adult women, capable of enjoying a fulfilling and satisfying sexual life with the loving partner of their choice.

Writing a book about the importance of sex in the lives of teen girls and the problems with sex that many women report seems to be the best way to convey to others what I have found to be true in my practice; sex is more important to teen girls than we think or say it is, and their experiences in adolescence correlate with and influence their feelings and decisions about sex throughout adulthood. This book will bring you into my world, which has afforded me the enormous opportunity to hear how girls and women feel and experience their sexualitybeginning in adolescence, and how those experiences translate into their adult lives.

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