Dondré T. Whitfield - Male vs. Man: How to Honor Women, Teach Children, and Elevate Men to Change the World

ZONDERVAN BOOKS

Male vs. Man

Copyright 2020 by Dondr Whitfield

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ISBN 978-0-310-35715-5 (audio)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Whitfield, Dondr T., 1969- author.

Title: Male vs. man : how to honor women, teach children, and elevate men to change the world / Dondr Whitfield.

Other titles: Male versus man

Description: Grand Rapids : Zondervan, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references. | Summary: In Male vs. Man, actor, social activist, and restoration coach Dondr Whitfield offers males a heart-to-heart look at what it takes to become a true manone that lives righteouslyand informs men how to find joy and purpose in serving their families and communities Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019049789 (print) | LCCN 2019049790 (ebook) | ISBN 9780310357131 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780310357148 (ebook)

Epub Edition February 2020 9780310357148

Subjects: LCSH: MenConduct of life. | MenIdentity. | MenReligious life.

Classification: LCC BJ1601 .W45 2020 (print) | LCC BJ1601 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/42dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019049789

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019049790

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Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version). Copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible. Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

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Author is represented by Leticia Gomez, Savvy Literary Services, www.savvyliterary.com.

Cover design: Curt Diepenhorst

Cover photo: Rowan Daly

Interior design: Kait Lamphere

Printed in the United States of America

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To my son, Dr

to you and your daily matriculation into manhood.

To my daughter, Parker

with the prayer that you will forever be covered

by my books definition of a Man.

To my wife, Salli

for being a part of my manhoods master class.

I hope that I have become

the Man of your dreams and desires.

And finally, to my mom

while you couldnt teach me to be a Man,

you taught me all the essential things

that have shaped who I have become.

CONTENTS

1. Cover
2. Title Page
3. Copyright
4. Contents
5. Prerequisite
6. 1. What Is a Man?
7. 2. What Is a Male?
8. 3. Calm in Chaos
9. 4. Healing for Where It Hurts
10. 5. Authenticity, Clarity, and Empathy
11. 6. You First: Defining Servant Leadership
12. 7. God + Do = Successful Life
13. 8. Happy Wife, Happy Life
14. 9. Create Safe Spaces
15. 10. Change vs. Healing: Hitting the Reset Button
16. 11. That Hit the Spot
17. Acknowledgments
18. Notes

PREREQUISITE

H elping males grow into Men is vitally important to me. What I will share in this book is born out of a lifetime of experiences, many of them filled with failure and several seasons of empathetic healing. My life was forever changed the day I realized the following: every man you meet is a male, but not every male you meet is a Man. That realization has changed the trajectory of my life.

I had a tough time matriculating into my manhood. I didnt have my biological father to provide proper guidance, but other males provided the messaging of what is now considered toxic masculinity culture. Despite having a mother who taught me to the contrary, the streets (in my case, the Bushwick neighborhood of Brooklyn), pop cultures messages, and the spoils of accomplishment attracted me. I wanted to be the kind of guy who had power from accomplishments, money, and notorietyto have a reputation of being a guys guy and a ladies man. I wanted to fight when someone disrespected me, and to be of service to myself.

Once I grew spiritually and matured past that way of thinking, I wanted to give other guys the information that helped me in my transformation. Thats when I was urged to write this bookeven though I didnt want the burden due to all my other responsibilities. But when I thought about my journey, and especially the pain it produced, I knew the journey had a purpose, and I knew I had to honor it.

Fifteen years ago, my best friend, Amon Parker, wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle. I was an experienced rider who would often do wheeliesfront wheel in the air while balancing on the back wheeldown the street. The front wheel would be so high in the air that it would be in the 11:30 position. I couldnt see over the speedometer, but Id peek around the body of the bike to see where I was going. I would also do stoppiesstopping suddenly to send the back wheel in the air while balancing the motorcycle on its front wheel. I was courageous and reckless, and I spent countless hours perfecting these maneuvers.

Ironically, I told Amon he had to take a motorcycle safety course before we could ride together. He agreed to do so. We got him a loaner from a manufacturer, and he was ready to ride! I picked him up from his home for his first day of riding on the freeway. I told him I would look out and look after him. We said goodbye to his wife, daughter, and son, and off we went.