Infinite Ideas (Firm) - Orgasms!: how to have them and give them as often as you like

Orgasms!

How to have them and give them as often as you like

Infinite Ideas

Previously published in paperback as Incredible orgasms

7. Get him to use his mouth

Think original sin, Eve and that symbolic snake. Astounding and wonderful things to have done to you

Being able to enjoy oral sex, as a starter or an act in itself, is a good way to ensure you have satisfying orgasms. Many women find it easier to come this way than during penetrative sex.

Firstly, you cant get the full benefits if youre worried about how you will look and taste when he gets up close and personal. A healthy vagina is actually cleaner than the mouth and has the same odour and taste as natural yoghurt. Even if its been hours since your last shower, itll still taste OK after a few licks. We probably obsess too much about personal hygiene; by all means take a relaxing bath or shower beforehand, but remember that recently applied soap may taste just as odd. A quick rinse with water is a great freshener.

Dont worry too about how your vagina looks your partner does not have eyes in his tongue! Models in porn get a lot of work done down there, including plastic surgery and liposuction as well as make-up, so become comfortable with yourself in front of a mirror before you get into scenes with a partner.

Feeling relaxed is the best state to be in when he goes down on you. A good trick is to start with all-over kissing. You can also check for beard stubble; is it too rough on your flesh? Now is a good time to sort out hand signals so you can manoeuvre him properly on your pleasure centre. You want the full works, dont you? Thats right, dont lie there passively. Ask him to tease you around the inner thighs and to kiss your legs and belly. If someone dives straight in, use your hands to push him gently away. Give him a hand by opening your vaginal lips with your hands. Feel free to warm up by playing with your clitoris. The more aroused you are before the tongue gets there, the hotter it will feel!

If you already know what tongue techniques you like best, indicate this to your partner by licking his hand in the same motion. Lie down on your back, preferably at the end of a sofa or on a bed with a pillow under your bum. Use your hands to guide your partners head. Many women like to be subjected to teasing of the outer vulva and inner thighs first. Your partner should be able to see signs of you becoming aroused such as a reddening and swelling of the inner lips as well as an increase in vaginal lubrication. You may like sucking, licking, or mild biting on specific areas, but dont let your partner blow into the vagina as this can create air embolism (it can be fatal not good).

When you are fully stimulated, you may be ready for direct action on the clitoris. It has an astonishing 8000 nerve endings despite having no real job or function, so it can be a bit intense. Nifty tongue circles around it work well, so get your partner to try figures of eight, and playful flicks in an up and down or left to right movement. Some women like the tongue to dart in and out of the vagina, others like a finger in the vagina or anus while the clitoris is being attended to. This heightens the sexual feeling because the pleasure areas overlap. Some clitorises are more sensitive on one side, use your mouth to scream where. It should feel amazing by now!

When it does feel good, give yourself time for the pleasure to build. Some lie still, others grind their hips in motion. Do whatever works for you. Some people like to straddle the face of the person licking them so they have complete control. Surrender yourself freely to the experience and give your partner the thrill of feeling that gush of final wetness as you come. Nice one!

How did it go?

QAlthough many of my friends have oral sex, its something my mother wont even mention. Why the sudden interest in this activity?

AThey say theres nothing new under the sun. Theres oral sex on pottery from 300 BC and lots of it going on in the Kama Sutra, written in AD 400. Animals routinely sniff and taste each others bits so we can guess that humans have always been doing the same. In Sperm Wars: The Science of Sex biologist Robin Baker suggests that oral sex is an opportunity to gather information about a partners reproductive health and check for signs of any recent infidelity! The odd thing is that Eastern countries that were previously liberal have adopted the Western, post-Victorian aversion to sex. Jonathan Margolis, in O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm, says: Some of the worlds most abbreviated foreplay occurs in rural China, where 34% of couples are now said to spend less than a minute on sexual preamble and oral sex is almost unknown, the modern Chinese, even in sophisticated cities, regarding it as too dirty. Sexual attitudes are like fashion, they go in and out!

QHow can I have safer oral sex?

AIf you are not fluid bonded you can use gloves (for fingers) and dental dams small squares of latex that are quite thick. An alternative is Glyde Dam Lollyes which are thinner and cover more surface area. Worst case scenario: cut up a condom or use plastic wrap.

Heres an idea for you

Treat yourself to a pair of real silk undies and get your partner to spend as long as possible licking you through the material before he gets to your clit. When youve been teased and tingled for a while youll be screaming for more.

Defining ideas

If they are queasy about pussy, then you definitely need to know, because you have one, and its a very important part of you a part of you that needs satisfaction as much as your partners penis or clitoris does.

VIOLET BLUE, sex educator

Make sure you kiss someone before you go to bed with him. Pay careful attention. Does he thrust his tongue down your throat as if hes searching for the Holy Grail? Does he mash his teeth against your lips? If so, drop him flat. A man who cant kiss cant fuck.

CYNTHIA HEIMEL, author

8. Starters orders

Men and women can get equally aroused, just not at the same time. Its a bitch, but youve got to get the mish-mash right.

Ways to slow down the pace and get your partner to be more touchy-feely

The Kinsey studies on sexuality in 1939 and 1950 revealed basic sex behaviour differences which remain unchanged despite drastic changes in our lifestyles. Contemporary researchers were surprised to find that although women have more sexual partners, masturbate more and have more oral sex, they are still more likely than men to have gaps in their sexual activity, experience arousal difficulties and prefer sex in a committed relationship. When women decide to be excited, they can get aroused as easily as men but their desire is generated differently. In What Women Want What Men Want John Marshall Townsend says: But the cues for her arousal are initially internal: she must put herself in the mood, or allow herself to be put in the mood.

Being able to get in the mood for sex is crucial, so tell your partner the things that help you get to that special place. Men and women are simply different sexually: men are more likely to respond to visual stimuli, but women prefer touching and behaviour that suggests an emotional investment. Men often dive right in to genital play because thats what they prefer, but if youre into some romantic kissing first, followed by breast fondling, then simply keep kissing him until he gets the message and slow foreplay down to a tempo that youre comfortable with.

If youre already naked and hes too eager, try one of the tips from the Kama Sutra the Biting of a Boar. He sits on his haunches and you sit between his knees with your back to him. He can kiss or lightly bite (or breathe on) your back, shoulders and neck. Another move is the Kiss that Awakens, when you lie down on your stomach and pretend to be prettily asleep whilst he kisses your neck, ears, back, cheeks and lips in order to awaken you.