Carlyle Jansen - Sex yourself: the womans guide to mastering masturbation and achieving powerful orgasms

THE WOMANS GUIDE TO MASTERING MASTURBATION AND ACHIEVING POWERFUL ORGASMS

We women have had our minds filled with negative messages, especially about female pleasure. Its time to own our sexuality and this book helps you do it! Carlyle covers all the basesno female body part nor question has gone unturned or unanswered. I loved every page and it will be on my must-read list for clients.

Laurie Betito, Ph.D., author of
The Sex Bible for People Over 50

CARLYLE JANSEN

2015 Quiver

Text 2015 Quiver

Illustrations 2015 Quiver

First published in the USA in 2015 by

Quiver, a member of

Quarto Publishing Group USA Inc.

100 Cummings Center

Suite 406-L

Beverly, MA 01915-6101

www.quiverbooks.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

The Publisher maintains the records relating to images in this book required by 18 USC 2257. Records are located at Quarto Publishing Group USA, Inc., 100 Cummings Center, Suite 406-L, Beverly, MA 01915-6101.

Digital edition published in 2015

Digital edition: 978-1-62788-354-2
Softcover edition: 978-1-59233-679-1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Jansen, Carlyle.

Sex yourself : the womans guide to mastering masturbation and achieving powerful orgasms / Carlyle Jansen.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-59233-679-1 (paperback) ISBN 978-1-62788-354-2 (eISBN)

1. Sex instruction. 2. Sex. I. Title.

HQ56.J275 2015

613.9071--dc23

2014049443

Cover design: Burge Agency

Book design: Burge Agency

Illustrations: Laia Albaladejo

Photography: Shutterstock.com

Developmental edit: Megan Buckley

CHAPTER ONE
HEALTHY SOLO SEX

CHAPTER TWO
ANATOMY, HOT SPOTS, AND EROGENOUS ZONES

CHAPTER THREE
KICK-STARTING PLEASURE: DISCOVERING YOUR EROTIC POTENTIAL

CHAPTER FOUR
HOW TO SHE-BOP: STROKES, TECHNIQUES, AND TRICKS

CHAPTER FIVE
CHOOSING AND USING SEX TOYS

CHAPTER SIX
SPICING IT UP: KEEP YOUR SOLO SEX ROUTINE FUN, HOT, AND EXCITING

CHAPTER SEVEN
BIGGER, BETTER, MULTIPLE ORGASMS

CHAPTER EIGHT
COMING TOGETHER: FROM ORGASMS ALONE TO ORGASMS WITH A PARTNER

MASTURBATION: THE PRIMARY SEXUAL ACTIVITY OF MANKIND. IN THE NINETEENTH CENTURY, IT WAS A DISEASE; IN THE TWENTIETH, ITS A CURE.

Thomas Szasz, psychiatrist

Welcome to your solo sex adventure guide! If youre looking to make your sex life more varied and more fulfillingon your own or with a partneryouve come to the right place. You may be brand new to the art of solo play, or perhaps you are an experienced connoisseur. Either way, Sex Yourself will help you explore the infinite possibilities of self-pleasure. The following chapters will debunk the myths that can make it tough to embrace masturbation, and will show you why (and how!) solo sex should be celebrated. Youll get an in-depth look at your erogenous anatomy, and youll discover how to get yourself in the mood for pleasure when sex is the furthest thing from your mind. Once youre ready for some self-loving, youll learn a whole slew of solo sex techniques, and youll find out plenty about how sex toys and other fun accessories can make self-pleasure even hotter. Then theres everything you need to know about orgasms: how to find them, how to make them bigger and better, and how to share them with a partner. For the grand finale, youll find lots of ways to practice solo sex with a partner (yes, solo sex can make your partnered sex life far more exciting!).

First, let me tell you a little bit about myself. These days, I run a sexuality retail store and workshop center called Good For Her. Based in Toronto, Good For Her offers a selection of top-quality sex toys, books, DVDs, and workshops on sex and sexuality. But I grew up in a conservative household in which sex didnt exist. We never discussed it as a family, and the only intimacy I witnessed at home was my mom kissing my dad on the cheekonce. Then, when I was about six years old, I was in my room exploring myself, trying to figure out what was going on in and around the area that pee came from. Id never heard of a vagina, much less a clitoris. I was looking at the folds of skin between my legsmy labiawhen my mom walked in on me. She didnt say anythingexcept to tell me to be sure to wash my hands afterward. I did, but I never explored that part of my body again as a child.

As I grew up, sex and relationships terrified me, probably because I didnt know anything about them other than what I learned from Hollywood and TV. Although I dated a little during high school, each time the intimacy moved beyond kissing, I freaked out and ran away. Finally, when I was twenty-one, I was dating someone I felt pretty comfortable with, and I decided I was ready to try sex. When we were about to take our clothes off, I stopped. Im terrified of your penis, I told him. Ive never seen one before. He was really patient, and after he gave me a guided tour, I decided that we could make friends, his penis and I. And we did. But when we had sex, I felt pleasure and intensity buildingwith no release. I didnt know what to expect, because I hadnt experimented with masturbation since my mother interrupted me fifteen years earlier. Once, my partner stopped what he was doing and asked me what I liked. Arent you supposed to know that? I replied. Gently, he suggested that it might be helpful if I knew a little more about my own body, and about what brought me pleasure.

So I decided to be a good student. I tried really diligently to have an orgasm, both on my own and with my partner. No joy. Id feel a little bit of pleasure, but no fireworks. After a while, Id get bored and give up. After two years of focused effort, I gave up for good. I rationalized it to myself in this way: Some people are tall, others are short; some are good at math, while others are good at art; some people can orgasm, and some people cant. And you know what? I enjoyed sex, but I accepted that I wouldnt be able to have an orgasm, and I adjusted my expectations accordingly.

Several years and relationships later, my inability to orgasm got me dumped. My partner found it too stressful to have sex with me without the finale everyone expects. Well, this was a turning point for me: now my inability to orgasm was getting in the way of my relationships. So I went to a good friend for advice and asked her what I needed to do to climax. She told me I should buy the Hitachi Magic Wand, a back massager. I did. And a couple of weeks later, I had my first orgasm. Finally, I knew what everyone was talking about: I was a part of the O club!

As the years passed, I continued my sexual exploration: I kept buying toys and kept learning. When my sister, a United Church of Canada minister, was getting married in 1995, I bought her some fun toys to celebrate her relationship. I brought them as wrapped gifts to her bridal shower, thinking that they were a pretty typical kind of bridal shower present. Well, according to her friendswho brought wine glasses and potterysex toys were not regular bridal shower gifts. When they saw the toys Id brought, my sisters friends exclaimed, What on earth is that? and asked, Where do you stick it? and What does it do? I answered all of their questions matter-of-factly, and they told me that because I was so comfortable talking about sex, I should start conducting workshops on the subject.