Hodson Phillip - How to Make Great Love to a Woman

Copyright 2000, 2003 Anne Hooper and Phillip Hodson

The right of Anne Hooper and Phillip Hodson to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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First eBook Edition: December 2008

ISBN: 978-0-446-55520-3

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Designed by Blackjacks, London

Also by Anne Hooper and Phillip Hodson

How to Make Great Love to a Man

Most people might think that, when you are asked to write two books on sex, one for men and another for women, all you have to do is change every him for her then one book becomes two. An economy of words and good husbandry of text, a quick trip round the writing factory to conserve vocabulary and we have covered the territory and managed to be equitable in the process.

Except that sex, and men and women, arent like that. As joint authors we feel strongly that each gender has very different sexual needs and desires. If this book and its companion How to Make Great Love to a Man are going to possess any real meaning, this must be reflected in how they are written. Not a lot of point in banging on about love, romance and tenderness if all the male readers really want is the hard stuff. Not a lot of point in describing 101 ways in which to do sex standing up if the female readers wouldnt dream of having sex without a few preliminaries such as getting to know each other, trusting, falling in love and so on.

Its not that women cant be just as tough and tough in bed as men they frequently are. Lots of women love quickies. Lots of women adore the frenzy when you cant wait to get your clothes off and youre in so much of a hurry that you do it against the living room wall or inside the office with the door locked or in the kitchen two minutes before the guests arrive. But they adore it because, in most cases, there is more to the relationship than just a knee-trembler. If the quick bang were the only expression of love and sex, they wouldnt be quite so enthusiastic.

So our two books are deliberately written to be very different in approach. This book focuses on the emotional approach to good sex because that is what most women appreciate. It looks at all the factors that feed into a womans mind so that she not only feels sexy, she is able totally to let go with all her passion.

HER SEXUAL BACKGROUND

Freud once said: When two people make love there are at least four people present. He was talking about the fantasy lover or lovers who might be lurking in your mind. The bit he missed out is that shades of parents will be present too. Some of a womans response will have been dictated by the warmth and sensuality of her upbringing. If her parents were repressive and cold, she may find it very hard to let go of inhibition. If her parents were warm and sensual, there shouldnt be too much difficulty.

Theres a simple test that you can do based on early recollections. Find out what is her earliest memory of being touched lovingly? Were not talking sex here, just affection.

The answers can be surprising and often dismaying. One woman we know said she couldnt remember being touched lovingly by her parents at all. A male friend was never touched lovingly by his mother but fortunately his father made up for this during early childhood, showing his affection with hugs and attention. The right answer could be cuddles with your mother as a little tot, walking hand in hand or arm in arm as a child, being soaped in the bath, all innocent activities that let you feel someone loves you. Its this that forms the basis for your free and uninhibited expression of sexuality as an adult. Looking into such remote corners of your own and your partners life can be a fascinating exercise. It can also make relating sensually easier to do.

LOVE IS WONDERFUL

Love plays a big part in sex for most women. We believe that it does for men too. Men depend on being loved, men fall in love more easily and out of love with greater difficulty than women. But men dont depend quite so much on the trappings of love, the romance, the flowers, the power of passionate suggestion as do women, for their actual turn on. Any sex book for women must include a serious chapter on how to let her feel loved, as this one does.

SEXY STORIES FOR WOMEN

There is a whole dimension to the thinking/feeling side of womens sexuality, which is hardly rated by men at all because, to them, it seems so low key. We are talking romantic erotica here. Women adore reading historical romances, they love sexy novels, they devour escapist fiction. Why? Because it provides them with a romance they may never experience in real life. But, also, because such literature turns them on. Its what we call the Mr DArcy factor. The sheer power of Mr DArcys thighs as he squeezes his lucky horse between them, the damp ruffled shirt clinging to his powerful chest, phwoarr! as most sane women would say. Bearing in mind that erotic fiction is known to heighten womens arousal (its actually used during some sex therapy) we include a chapter where we publish our own short selection. Reading aloud is a friendly activity. If you read these short stories together you will, with any luck, grow considerably more than friendly.

FEELING SEXUALLY FREE

Although most men would like to be known by their friends as fearless and devastatingly attractive, we are well aware that the most brazen chaps still possess a few uncertainties tucked away at the back of the brain. Bearing mans real vulnerability in mind we end this book by celebrating an all time first for a sex manual. We include a chapter on appreciating life in general, as well as life in the bedroom, on the grounds that, even if a relationship doesnt work out, there is still a lot of living to do. Despite gloom and doom, its a good idea to try and tune into life. The idea of using a mantra has, up till now, been dismissed as New Age nonsense. But mantras, when they function properly, work in the same way as positive thinking. A simple written mantra is just a natural tool for reminding the brain to appreciate life.

Weve enlarged the mantra system here to include some specifically sexual ones. Just carrying a note in your wallet containing the words I AM FREE TO FEEL SENSUAL can make you take (safe) decisions that you previously would have left alone. Pick the sentence you think good for you and copy it out. With any luck, this book actually will change your life!

Anne Hooper

ARE WOMEN REALLY different?

Shes a girl and youre a boy.

She has a vagina where you have a penis.

Shes different.

This is the earliest explanation offered to small children in the first round of the Great Debate. You know the one its that Are women really aliens? question. From the age of two, the Debate affects us all. History suggests that the controversy is continuous.

TWENTIETH CENTURY SEX WAR

In the 1930s James Thurber published his cartoon narrative The War Between the Sexes where strange vitriolic women were pictured engulfing hapless, innocent men