Phillip Hodson - How to Make Great Love to a Man

To Terry Mansfield, with love

This book is intended for use by heterosexual adults who are informed and want to invigorate and maintain a great sexual relationship. The authors are not medically trained and the reader is reminded that following these guidelines and new ideas is voluntary and at the readers own discretion. The positions and methodology presented herein are safe and satisfying for most adult men and women, however, every individual is different and you should not undertake any position or technique that is not suitable to your physical condition. You should consult a health care professional with any questions. Certain acts described in this book are illegal in some states and you should be aware of the laws in your state.

Warner Books Edition

Copyright 2000 by Anne Hooper and Phillip Hodson

All rights reserved.

This Warner Books edition is published by arrangement with Robson Books, 10 Blenheim Court, Brewery Road, London N7 9NT

Warner Books

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

Visit our Web site at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

First eBook Edition: June 2002

ISBN: 978-0-446-55425-1

Photography by John Freeman

Art Direction and Styling by Jack Buchan

Illustrations by Stuart Miller

Also by Phillip Hodson and Anne Hooper

How to Make Great Love to a Woman

Sex is different for women. They only have to turn up

Jackie Mason.

This book is a lover's guide to the male sex for women who want to enjoy and understand their partners. At the start of a new millennium, the direction of male sexuality remains a puzzle. How do we explain some of the contradictions? To pick a few straws from winds in recent years, we have:

Filmstar Hugh Grant arrested in a car in the arms of a stranger when he apparently had one of the world's most attractive partners available at home. Most women cannot understand his motive in choosing risky novelty over domestic intimacy.

President Bill Clinton shamed and nearly impeached for seeking superficial orgasms in a corridor with a co-worker. Many are puzzled that fellatio could be worth jeopardising the world's most powerful job.

Grandfatherly rock singer Mick Jagger beating a Casanova rhythm in the bedrooms of several actresses and models young enough to be his daughters. Some observers wonder whether he may be suffering from a psychological illness such as sex addiction. Others say it's glandular!

NOVELTY AND REASSURANCE

Or, consider some of men's confusions about their gender. In every major Western country England, France, Germany, Italy and the USA there is now a small army of transsexual and transvestite prostitutes servicing what seem to be heterosexual men. Does this signpost anything about men's innate sexual desires and fears? Could it be that what men actually want from women is the paradox of a man's mind in a woman's body? Does this mean that men want the prize of novelty wrapped in the ribbon of emotional safety?

If this is the case, then this is something else women need to understand. But a word of comfort at the outset use this book wisely and well and a complete meeting of minds and bodies can still be achieved, whatever men's erratic behaviour. Before we look at ways to greater sexual pleasure, take these facts to heart as well:

Two thirds of all marriages last for life.

As men and women grow older, they grow more similar. This is even true physically male faces soften and women's become sturdier with the years.

Men's sexual drive is not that of a dinosaur it is controlled by the forebrain they can choose to be true and loyal when they want.

Men fall in love more easily and out of love with more difficulty than women.

When women do get the sex right with their partners, relationships nearly always flourish so you can control your joint destinies.

However, as a broad generalisation, men probably do operate more often in emotional compartments than women. Although they have the same feelings, they find it difficult to label them. The obvious result is that women need to realise how significantly the male sexual imagination is different from theirs in order to manage it. To list examples:

More men would take sex from a stranger than the average woman would.

More men use pornography.

More men are anxious about sexual performance and prowess than most women are.

Men use risk both to increase their sexual drive and reinforce it.

Men are on average both kinkier and apparently less faithful.

Men also realise that their largest sexual organ is the brain. The trouble is that they would secretly like to find their brains in their shorts. Through the centuries, men have been conditioned to lust after women who look young and beautiful. So if you want your love and lust to endure you must probe beneath the surface of these male preferences. Men need reminding by subtle currents of female influence that looks are additional to sexuality and sexuality depends on what happens after you talk. Real lovemaking comes from feelings of attachment to another person as much as the excitement of touching youthful skin. The poet Milton called beauty Nature's brag because it always fades. You need to help your man discover the basic psychic similarities and compatibilities you share together before his time runs out.

However, men are not creatures from Mars. There is no future in treating them with silent contempt. But you do need to accept that the male is writing a slightly different erotic shopping list. Men go from sex into love more often than love into sex. Men trust more slowly and disclose their emotions at higher cost. Men are sexually split they know sex can be used to make love but believe it represents a pretty good end in itself. As one of the women characters in a Woody Allen film says: Sex without love is an empty experience. Yes, replies Allen, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. This is how men are in practically all societies. You need to work with and around it till the problem subsides. Sometimes men just want to come it's safe, really quite harmless. The family pets will not be frightened. You need to realise that sex can be so simple.

And when you do, you must adjust some of your own idealised fantasies. Accepting a man for himself means you probably can't project the childlike dreams of lifetime romantic rescue onto one chap. You may tell yourself, like Mrs Blissfully Innocent: He totally loves, supports and adores me. But he is also bound to fancy looking at other naked women. And at some point in your future he will possibly consider going to bed with one of them. You'd be better prepared if you built this knowledge into your personal understanding. Because that's how men are.

And yet the key to preserving any monogamous harmony also lies in a greater emphasis on exploring your mutual erotic ties. If a man is lucky enough to live with a woman who re-invents her love skills to suit his different ages and stages who is the proverbial harlot in the bedroom but good companion in the living room he has no practical incentive to explore his deceitful capacities. Nature will out, but our message is that men can be tamed. And this is the manual.

Phillip Hodson

MEN ARE NOT from MARS

There is no limit to the pleasure you can enjoy except the power of your own imagination. But if this book contains the best of all possible sensual and sexual experiences a woman can give a man, a sensory ideal, how do you set about understanding and creating the circumstances which will make it happen in