P. J. Petersen - Wild River

For my grandson, Ryan Peter Harvey

T he longest day of my life began with my brother, Tanner, yelling, Wake up, Ryan. You just won a free trip.

I opened one eye and looked at the clock. Ten minutes to six. Its the middle of the night, I said, and pulled the pillow over my head.

Tanner laughed and yanked off my blankets. Come on. We want to get an early start. Breakfast in five minutes.

I kept the pillow on my head. Go away.

Tanner grabbed my feet and dragged me to the edge of the bed. Lets go, Ryan. This will be great.

I pushed away the pillow. Whats going on, Tanner?

He flashed his big happy smile. Brady has to work today. We got everything packed last night, and then his boss called him this morning. So I talked to Mom and Dad. And you get to come with me, little bro. Fishing, kayaking, camping. What could be better than that?

Lots of things, I said. Like sleeping. But Tanner wasnt listening. He was already pulling a sweatshirt out of my dresser.

You need warm clothes for tonight. It gets cold up there after the sun goes down. He yanked open another drawer and grabbed some jeans. Ill stick these in the dry bag. Put on your swim-suit and a T-shirt. And wear your old tennies.

Come on, Tanner, I said. You can find somebody else. Im no good at that stuff.

He flashed that smile again and headed for the door. Youll do fine. Wait and see. Youll love it.

That was Tanner, my big brother. He got what he wanted. Always. He wasnt mean or bossy. He just made up his mind, and that was it. If you told him no, he didnt listen.

Mom let Tanner drive our van that morning. She was nervous about it. Tanner had only had his license for two months. But he told Mom he needed the practice. And he gave her that puppy-dog smile of his. So she said yes.

The trip to our drop-off point took more than two hours. And it seemed like two weeks. I tried to sleep, but it was hopeless. The roads were terriblefull of potholes and sharp turns. And Mom kept nagging Tanner, telling him to slow down or watch out for something. I got sick of it, and I wasnt even the one driving. But Tanner never quit smiling.

When we finally stopped, I was feeling rotten. I climbed out of the van and headed down the bank. The Boulder River didnt look big enough to be called a river. It was only about twenty feet across.

I scooped up a handful of water. It was like holding ice cubes. I dumped the water and rubbed my wet hand on my face. That woke me up.

Tanner came down and stood beside me. We lucked out, Ryan, he said. We really lucked out.

Yeah, sure, I said.

Im serious, he said. We lucked out.

Were lucky I didnt puke in the van. All those stupid turns. What else?

Tanner looked over his shoulder. Ill tell you later. I dont want Mom to get worried.

I dipped my fingers in the water and flicked a few drops into his face. Cold enough for you?

Tanner laughed. No problem. Were fishing, not swimming.

We went up the bank to the van. Mom had the tailgate open. She was shaking her head. So much stuff.

Just the right amount, Tanner said. Brady and I made a checklist. Everything we need and not one thing more. He laughed. Except for extra marshmallows. Brady figures you can never have too many marshmallows.

I wished Brady were there to eat them. Id spent three years in Cub Scouts. That was enough outdoor stuff for me. I didnt like it, and I wasnt good at it. The last time Dad had taken me fishing, Id ended up with a fishhook in my neck.

In no time Tanner had our gear laid out next to the river. He unrolled the yellow kayak. It looked like a giant balloon. Ten feet of flat plastic. Id been kayaking with the Scouts, but Id never been in a kayak like that.

I stood in the sun and bounced up and down to keep warm. It was one of our usual California summer days. Later on, it would be hot. But right then I needed the sweatshirt that was buried in the big rubber dry bag.

Tanner hauled out something that looked like a big bicycle pump. First he pumped up the floor of the kayak. Then he did each side. Three sections, he told me. Even if we spring a leak, we wont sink.

Wed better not spring a leak, I said.

He flashed that same old smile. We wont. But I have some patches in my pocket just in case. He was wearing shorts with big pockets. And every pocket was full.

Mom walked back and forth. Tanner, do you have your cell?

Tanner laughed. Were up in the mountains, Mom. Cell phones dont work around here.

Mom reached into her purse for her phone. She fiddled with it for a minute, then put it away. I didnt know you wouldnt have a phone.

We have to rough it, Tanner said. We cant even call and order a pizza.

Mom looked down at the river. You boys be careful today.

Tanner kept pumping. Come on, Mom. Brady and I did this last year. Nothing to it.

Mom shook her head. Still, I cant help worrying a little.

I know, Mom, Tanner said. Were worried about you too. How will you and Dad get along without us tonight? With us gone, youll probably stay up all night playing Ryans video games. Or watching the monster movies on Channel Ten. He gave her that big smile of his.

Mom broke out laughing. Smart aleck.

Tanners big puppy-dog smileit always made people smile back. They couldnt help it. The girls in his high school called him Smiley, and they were crazy about him.

Everybody liked Tanner. With good reason. He was always friendly, always kidding around. He was good at everythingschool, sports, you name it. He was even a hero, with a medal from the mayor. Last spring hed carried an old man out of a burning house.

Me? I was just Tanners little brother. That was what everybody called me. And they always sounded a little surprised. Tanner and I didnt look much like brothers. I was four years younger. Half his size. I didnt smile as much. I wasnt that good at sports or anything else. And I sure wasnt a hero.

I was the only person who ever got mad at Tanner. He was always trying to help me. Even if I didnt want help. He thought I needed more exercise, more sports. And less video games and less time on the computer. I knew what I liked and what I didnt like. But Tanner was sure Id be happier his way.

It was hard to stay mad at Tanner, though. He thought he was being good to me. Like that morning. He was excited about the fishing trip. So he thought I would be too. No matter what I said.

When it was pumped up, the yellow kayak looked like a giant pool toy. The sides were round and fat, like huge sausages. The front and back were pointed, with a thick sheet of plastic stretched across the top. That made a nice covered spot for my legs and feet. Except Tanner was jamming the dry bag into that space.

Where do my feet go? I asked.

Lots of room, Ryan, Tanner said. Just slide your feet on each side.

We carried the yellow kayak to the edge of the water. Tanner got out our paddles. They were aluminum with plastic blades on both ends. He fixed mine so that it was exactly my height. Then he tossed me a life vest.

You wear that the whole time, Mom said. You too, Tanner.

Tanner put on his life vest. Then he held the kayak while I climbed in. The kayak tipped a little. I sat down fast and jammed my feet into place, one on each side of the bag.