Wendy L. Watson - Purity and Passion: Spiritual Truths about Intimacy That Will Strengthen Your Marriage

PRAISE FOR DR. WENDY L. WATSON AND PURITY AND PASSION

This book is mind expanding, inspirational, motivational, and full of hope. The guidelines with lists of specifics and how-tos make the seemingly impossible possible.

Ardeth Greene Kapp, Author, Lecturer, Church Leader

A marvelous tapestry of truth, tenacity, and tenderness! Dr. Watson, a talented, skillful, and creative marriage and family therapist, offers truths she has learned through her study of the scriptures, current theory and research about marriage, and experiences of counseling numerous LDS and non-LDS couples. Through poignant questions and real-life examples, Dr. Watson provides hope for all who dream of a celestial marriage.

Dr. Lorraine M. Wright, Director, Family Nursing Unit, University of Calgary

I have long believed that a great marital sexual relationship involved emotional bonding, passion, and deep spiritual experience. Now Dr. Wendy Watson teaches us with clarity how these three forces come together to bring joy to wives and husbands of any age. Purity and Passion should come with a warning that the contents will definitely change a marriagefor the positive, of course.

Dr. James M. Harper, Director, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University

Over the years I have given a number of copies of Purity and Passion to bishops in our stake. They didnt just read the book, they devoured it. The bishops describe the spiritual truths as enlightened, practical, and right on the mark. It changed and improved the counsel given from these bishops to struggling couples. The spiritual truths about intimacy taught by Dr. Wendy Watson have blessed numerous homes, marriages, and families in our stake.

Boyd Ware, Stake President, Draper, Utah

2001 Wendy L. Watson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Deseret Book Company, P. O. Box 30178, Salt Lake City, Utah 84130. This work is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church or of Deseret Book Company.

D ESERET B OOK is a registered trademark of Deseret Book Company.

First printing in hardbound 2001
First printing in paperbound 2004

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Watson, Wendy L., 1950-

Purity and passion : spiritual truths about intimacy that will strengthen your marriage / Wendy L. Watson.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 1-57345-910-0 (alk. paper) (hardbound)

ISBN 1-59038-410-5 (paperbound)

1. Sex in marriageReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 2. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day SaintsDoctrines.

I. Title.

BX8643.S49 W38 2001

248.844088283dc21

2001001647

Printed in the United States of America 72076

Publishers Printing, Salt Lake City, UT

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Brittney, Gabrielle, and Tyler

To thank all my family members and friends, colleagues and clients who have so generously influenced the writing, refinement, and publishing of this book would require yet another book!

How grateful I am to each of them for their wisdom, love, lives, and light.

I had loved before, but I knew not why.
But now I lovedwith a pureness
an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling,
which would lift my soul from the transitory things
of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean.
I could now love with the spirit and
with the understanding also.

Parley P. Pratt, Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt, 280

A fter observing couples in all stages of their marital lives and providing thousands of hours of therapy to couples in distress, Ive come to believe that personal purity is foundational to husbands and wives sexual satisfaction in marriage and fundamental to fulfilling their longing for love.

What else have I come to believe about intimacy?

Purity and passion are perfect companions. They belong together.

Purity increases and enhances passion.

Passion that has been purified (which I call pure passion) is always greater, in every way, than impure passion.

Pure passion strengthens marriages and is key to true marital intimacy.

Marital intimacy can be much more grand and more obtainable than many have believed.

The Lord wants spouses to experience marvelous marital intimacy that creates life and love.

The Lord blesses spouses who are willing to put aside the ways of the world in order to partake of true marital intimacy.

The Holy Ghost enhances couples marital intimacy because He will increase, enlarge, expand, and purify all the natural passions and affections. (Parley P. Pratt, Key to the Science of Theology, 61.)

When husbands and wives unite in pure passion, in magnified marital intimacy, the enjoyment and love they experience is far beyond anything this world dreams of or represents as ideal marital intimacy.

What led me to these beliefs?

Ive worked as a marriage and family therapist for more than twenty-five years. Ive also spent two decades teaching, researching, and writing about marriage and family therapy, as well as supervising and consulting with other marriage and family therapists, nationally and internationally. Though I have never been married myself, Ive had the privilege in the course of my lifes work to learn from the best there are: real people with real challenges and real needs who really want to strengthen their relationships.

The heartfelt concerns expressed to me by men and women who feel discouraged about, and in some cases even betrayed by, their marriages include everything from A to Z. Starting with A, the effects of abuse, addictions, and adultery hold the intimacy in many marriages captive.

You may be among the fortunate who say, Thank heavens those arent our problems. But is there a challenge, a problem in your marriage that does concern you? Are there things about your relationship that make it less than what you hoped? What one thing would make the biggest difference in the strength of your relationship? And now, just for a moment, think about how your spouse would answer those same questions.

Perhaps you may even be saying, We dont really have any problems in our relationship. I just think our marriage could benefit from a little more attention, maybe a little tune-up, so that we can enjoy even more intimacy.

Whatever the present state of your relationship, see if any of the following concerns about intimacy sound familiar. Because there are at least two sides to every problem, each spouses perspective is provided:

1. My wife doesnt understand how hard Im trying to juggle everything. Its not great to come home to someone who lets me know Ive disappointed her over and over again.

My husband has time for everyone else, but he never has time for me.