Sprague - Coping with cliques: a workbook to help girls deal with gossip, put-downs, bullying & other mean behavior
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- Book:Coping with cliques: a workbook to help girls deal with gossip, put-downs, bullying & other mean behavior
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- Publisher:New Harbinger Publications;Instant Help Books
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- Year:2008
- City:Oakland;CA
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Susan Sprague is a freelance writer and mother of two teenagers. She lives in Malvern, Pennsylvania.
starting off
Friendship is what makes life super fun and interesting. But what happens when your BFF says something that destroys your self-confidence? Can you reconcile the hurt youre experiencing with the feelings of friendship you have for her? The answer is yes. You can begin the process by freely acknowledging those hurt feelings and not shoving them back down into yourself.
Without friendship, you may wake up in the morning when the alarm goes off and think only of the daily grind of stuff you have to doyuck. Friendship helps you think about what else will fill the day besides school, homework, and activities. In fact, friends give you that extra push out the door because you know that you will share, giggle, and listen.
But its not always laughs. Picture a group of friends sitting in the cafeteria, talking about the cute guy in science, when suddenly Brianna says to Emily, You might have a chance with him if you had hair like Kelly instead of such thin hair. Everyone turns to look at Kelly, whose thick, blonde hair, without a split end in sight, is the envy of the entire school. How can Brianna say that? Just last night Emily slept over at her house, and they stayed up until two oclock talking about her crush. Theyve been friends since kindergarten and theyve always shared secrets and supported each other.
As Emily sits there, unable to respond, she goes through a torrent of emotions: disbelief, amazement, jealousy, and anger. But she doesnt say anything. When the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, everyone picks up their backpacks and leaves.
At home after school, Emily is no longer angry, but she feels depressed and sad. She throws herself into her favorite chair in front of the TV and starts watching a soap opera. Its complicated plot is so over the top that by the time dinner rolls around, shes feeling better.
When she thinks about what Brianna said, she suddenly realizes that wherever that remark came from, shell talk about it with Brianna tomorrow. Without all those emotions roiling around inside, shell be able to do it.
Pretend youre another one of Emilys friends and you decide to call her after the incident in the cafeteria. Write a dialogue in which you get her to talk about her feelings. These questions can help you get started:
- What kind of solutions do you suggest?
- How does she react?
- Do you think its better to have her talk to Brianna immediately, or wait? Why?
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Think back to a time when one of your close friends hurt you, either intentionally or accidentally.
Describe where you were.
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What was the first feeling you had?
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What did you say?
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What did you do when you were alone?
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How did you feel about the incident the next day?
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What did you do when you were alone?
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How did you feel about the incident the next day?
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starting off
When youre smack in the middle of a dish session, letting off steam about parental units, boys, teachers, bratty sisters, and disgusting brothers, its easy to turn the dish to teasing each other. Face-to-face teasing can be more fun than talking about people because you get an immediate reaction. Sometimes this teasing is a way of being friends. But at other times, you might find yourself tempted to tease friends under of the guise of just kidding. Teasing can be a mask for simmering emotionsfor example, how you really feel about the latest addition to your clique with her Kate Spade handbag and daily new outfits.
Read these examples of teasing. Put a check mark next to teasing that is acceptable and an X next to teasing that has gone too far and might be considered hurtful.
- Oh, its you! You know, we could tell by the rose-garden smell.
- So how many frosted doughnuts do you eat in a day? Hmm that must be why youre such a wide load.
- I cant believe youre going to wear leggings and boots to the mixer. Whered you get your fashion sensefrom the North Pole?
- Whats up, nerd-face? Got anything going on tonight? Oh, I forgotyou have a date with the library.
- You better watch what you say, especially when you answer questions in algebra; youre starting to sound like a math geek.
- When you sing, you sound just like a whale with diarrhea.
- Its your turn at bat, so the rest of us can just take a nap.
- Theres your crush, old pepperoni-face. Why dont you go sit down next to him and chat him up? Im sure hell think hes died and gone to heaven.
- Im so glad we didnt have to sit next to your little sister at the concert. I cant believe youre from the same planet, let alone the same family. Youre so cool, and shes such a fat little moron. Of course, you could always take a page from her fashion book and then youd fit in with the family.
Reread the examples. Do any ring a bell with you? Have you had your BFF say something similar to you? How did it make you feel? How did you react?
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Write about a time when you and your friends were in the middle of a dish session and the teasing got out of hand. Describe the kind of teasing words you each used. What was your reaction? The reaction of the others?
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starting off
Dishing with your girlfriends means that, if youre not careful, the chat can quickly tip over into a he said, she said scenario. By itself, that isnt so bad. But when the conversation slides down into God, his zits are as huge as pepperonis, you know that youre swimming in the River Mean. But how did you get there, you ask yourself. The truth is, you cant remember. What you need to work on now is identifying those phrases and words that are signals for a malicious dish of gossip, so you can learn to spot the danger signals.
Fill in the following sentences with phrases or words that signal impending gossip. Be as inventive as you want.
When we got to the dance, (persons name) ___________ was there, holding a (adjective + noun) ___________ and looking like a (adjective + noun) ___________.
When (persons name) ___________ asked me to dance, I (verb) ___________ three times. Then I told him he was so (adjective) ___________.
At the dance, I cant stand it when people (verb) ___________, especially when its someone whos (adjective) ___________.
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