Susan Sprague - Coping with Cliques. A Workbook to Help Girls Deal with Gossip, Put-Downs, Bullying, and Other Mean...

starting off

Friendship is what makes life super fun and interesting. But what happens when your BFF says something that destroys your self-confidence? Can you reconcile the hurt youre experiencing with the feelings of friendship you have for her? The answer is yes. You can begin the process by freely acknowledging those hurt feelings and not shoving them back down into yourself.

Without friendship, you may wake up in the morning when the alarm goes off and think only of the daily grind of stuff you have to doyuck. Friendship helps you think about what else will fill the day besides school, homework, and activities. In fact, friends give you that extra push out the door because you know that you will share, giggle, and listen.

But its not always laughs. Picture a group of friends sitting in the cafeteria, talking about the cute guy in science, when suddenly Brianna says to Emily, You might have a chance with him if you had hair like Kelly instead of such thin hair. Everyone turns to look at Kelly, whose thick, blonde hair, without a split end in sight, is the envy of the entire school. How can Brianna say that? Just last night Emily slept over at her house, and they stayed up until two oclock talking about her crush. Theyve been friends since kindergarten and theyve always shared secrets and supported each other.

As Emily sits there, unable to respond, she goes through a torrent of emotions: disbelief, amazement, jealousy, and anger. But she doesnt say anything. When the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch, everyone picks up their backpacks and leaves.

At home after school, Emily is no longer angry, but she feels depressed and sad. She throws herself into her favorite chair in front of the TV and starts watching a soap opera. Its complicated plot is so over the top that by the time dinner rolls around, shes feeling better.

When she thinks about what Brianna said, she suddenly realizes that wherever that remark came from, shell talk about it with Brianna tomorrow. Without all those emotions roiling around inside, shell be able to do it.

Pretend youre another one of Emilys friends and you decide to call her after the incident in the cafeteria. Write a dialogue in which you get her to talk about her feelings. These questions can help you get started:

• What kind of solutions do you suggest?
• How does she react?
• Do you think its better to have her talk to Brianna immediately, or wait? Why?

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Think back to a time when one of your close friends hurt you, either intentionally or accidentally.

Describe where you were.

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What was the first feeling you had?

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What did you say?

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What did you do when you were alone?

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How did you feel about the incident the next day?

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What did you do when you were alone?

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How did you feel about the incident the next day?

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