Michelle Anthony - Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades

Little Girls Can Be Mean

ALSO BY MICHELLE ANTHONY, M.A., PH.D.,

AND REYNA LINDERT, PH.D.

Signing Smart for Babies and Toddlers: A Parents Strategy and Activity Guide

My First Signs

What Do You See?

Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades

Michelle Anthony, M.A., Ph.D., and

Reyna Lindert, Ph.D.

St. Martins Griffin New York

LITTLE GIRLS CAN BE MEAN. Copyright 2010 by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information, address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Book design by Michelle McMillian

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Anthony, Michelle.

Little girls can be mean : four steps to bully-proof girls in the early grades / Michelle Anthony and Renya Lindert.1st ed.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-312-61552-9

1. Bullying in schools. 2. GirlsViolence againstUnited StatesPrevention. 3. GirlsPsychology. 4. Bullying. I. Lindert, Renya. II. Title.

LB3013.3.A58 2010

First Edition: August 2010

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Kylie, Maya, and Bryce:

It is through each of you that I have discovered so much about myself.

Thank you for taking me on the journey of a lifetime.

To Natasha, Nadia, and Carson:

May the lessons we continue to learn together help us to share, grow,

and better understand one another. It is our connection that has made

my discoveries and explorations possible.

To Scott and Nick:

whose love, guidance, and unwavering support allowed us to turn our

ideas into actions and our thoughts into Little Girls Can Be Mean.

To all the families who have shared their heartaches and

triumphs with us, and trusted we would carry on their power

and meaning with integrity in our work.

And to my brother, who showed me a miracle, and whose hidden

reserves of courage, strength, and determination have changed the way

I view hope and perseverance.

There are many people who made this endeavor possible. We extend great thanks to the families who have entrusted us with their stories and the professionals who have enlightened us with their talents: Emily and the McIllhenney family; Jenny and the Woo family; Ellen and the Regal/Hauk family; Sarah and the Schwarz family; Amber and the Etchieson family; Monica and the Kavalieros family; Hiroko and the Geddes family; Sam, Peter, and the Viner-Brown family; Kim and the Zwetchkenbaum family; Michael Thompson, Theresa McNally, and the Thompson family; Debbie Lienemann; Kristina Davies, Marisa Lovely; Cathi Long; Caroline Fields; Deirdre Marsters; Dana Hahn; Renee Cherneck; Jo-An Krivitsky; Sarah Sinclair; Erin Gettling; and the individuals and families we worked with who chose to remain anonymous. A special thanks goes to Paul Von Essen, who shared his knowledge and expertise over and over, and who let Michelle sit in on his bully-proofing classes time and again.

We owe a great deal of thanks to Alyse Diamond, for her expertise in shaping (and shortening!) our work. We cannot fully express our appreciation to her for the degree to which she advocated for this project, and her instrumental role in helping us bring our vision of this guide to life. Thanks also to Kendra Marcus, for her attention to detail and the time and energy she put into helping us formalize our thoughts and present our ideas. We are truly grateful to Kathi Engelken, whose devotion to us as individuals and professionals has made this (and many other projects) possible.

Of course, we are deeply indebted to our families and friends for their steadfast belief in us and our work. Bonnie and Robert and Bruce and Barbara; Tricia and John, Max, and Will; Scott and Joanne, Charlie, and Holly; Michael and Jess, Luke, and Henry; Peter and David; Marc; Jeff; Ardith and Doug; Mark and Katherine, Owen, Sarah, and Malcolm; Chloe-Dog and Dee Dee; Roberta and Larry and Lin and Peter; Kathy and Sophie and Isabelle; Alex and Noemi and Alex; Jon and Elaine; Helen and Guillaume, Guilhem, and Claudia; Beryt; Wendy; Megan; Leslie; Cynthia; Marci; Terren; Laurie; Jennie; Helen; Dan; Laura; Elena; Yael; Amy; Wally, Dianna; Jean; Janet; Christa; Meghan; Jen; Joyce; Audrey; and Jennifer.

We could never have accomplished this project without the love and support of our children and spouses. It is through them that we understand deeply how these issues affect the families we are working to reach. They have been patient and loving as we continue along as imperfect guides and confidantes, and as a result, they have given us the greatest gift: the love, knowledge, and understanding of how friendship struggles shock and shape us, looking back and moving forward. We hope we can honor these lessons, and learn from them. And without Scott and Nicks loving encouragement and unfaltering belief in the importance of our work, neither of us could have begunmuch less finishedthis project. Thank you is not nearly enough.

Last, we wish to thank each of youfor opening your homes and your hearts to the Four-Step framework and for all the tips and strategies in Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades.

This book is not meant to replace professional support or guidance for you, your child, or any other individual. If you feel your daughter or another child is in danger, or is endangering another, you need to intervene and/or seek professional help immediately, regardless of the advice in this book. It is the responsibility of parents, teachers, counselors, and others to keep children safe, and if you have any concerns for the health, safety, or well-being of your child or those around her, act at once, without delay!

Dr. Michelle Anthony has always been passionate about her work with families and children. After graduating with honors in educational studies from Brown University, she went on to get her masters in child studies and her teachers certificate from Tufts University. She taught in Massachusetts and Rhode Island for five years, after which she got her Ph.D. in developmental psychology from the University of California, Berkeley. Michelle has continued to work as a learning specialist with both typical and developmentally delayed preschool and elementary-aged students in both California and Colorado. She has taught graduate-level classes as well, and has been a speaker at various international conferences on issues related to education and development. Michelle is also a columnist and writes feature articles for Scholastics Parent and Child magazine. She is the mother of three children, two girls and a boy, all under the age of nine.

As a result of her own daughters involvement in a series of Mean Girl interactions in first grade, Michelles interest in this topic was personalized. She has since spent over three years interacting with counselors, social workers, school psychologists, teachers, principals, administrators, parents, and others around this topicmost of whom work within the Cherry Creek, Colorado, school district, where many feel bully-proofing programs began. She and her family live outside Denver, Colorado.