Hurley - No more mean girls: the secret to raising strong, confident, and compassionate girls

Katie Hurleys No More Mean Girls will be an oft-referenced book on my shelf because Hurleys expertise goes beyond the academic. She has real, practical experience working with girls, and their words are one of the most valuable parts of this book. Hurleys practical advice is a boon to any parent who hopes to ease a daughter through the challenging terrain of childhood and adolescence, particularly when that childhood is lived in the harsh spotlight of social media. This book will definitely be on my list of most recommended books for parents and teachers.

Jessica Lahey, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure

Katie Hurley does the impossibleshe takes the mystery and angst out of parenting a teen girl by thoughtfully illuminating her thoughts and experiences. No More Mean Girls is not just a guide to raising healthy, independent, and capable women, its a light toward a brighter future for us all. I hope this book reaches the hands of every parent, teacher, coach, mentor, and individual who plays a role in helping girls grow and thrive in todays world.

Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times bestselling author of Hands Free Mama, Hands Free Life, and Only Love Today

The landscape of girlhood is constantly changing, and even the youngest girls are tasked with learning how to navigate tricky social situations and emotional upheaval. No More Mean Girls provides practical, research-based tips for raising strong, confident, and compassionate girls. A must-read for parents and educators!

Amy McCready, author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic

An essential handbook for parents, teachers, counselors, and anyone who is fortunate enough to contribute to the raising of our precious daughters. I cant recommend No More Mean Girls enough.

Susan Stiffelman, MFT, author of Parenting with Presence and Parenting Without Power Struggles

Katie beautifully intertwines two decades of working with girls, the experience of raising a daughter, her own kind and compassionate heart, and practical solutions to effect positive change and produce one of the most important books of our time. This is a must-read for anyone raising, influencing, teaching, or coaching girls.

Rebecca Eanes, author of Positive Parenting

As a parenting author, mother of a daughter, and survivor of the mean girl scene myself, I found this book so insightful, helpful, and enlightening. Based on many years of Katies professional experience, along with extensive proven research, she gives practical examples of how parents can work together with their daughters to help them navigate their lifes journey through this challenging time. I cant recommend this book enough. I only wish it had been around sooner!

Jessica Joelle Alexander, coauthor of The Danish Way of Parenting

I highly recommend Katies book. Now more than ever, young girls need to learn to stand tall and stick together. Katie Hurleys No More Mean Girls provides a blueprint for parents and educators to raise confident and compassionate leaders in a modern world. The key insight Katie provides is that we all share a responsibility to ourselves and to our girls to live by example and be the change we wish to see.

Idina Menzel, Tony Awardwinning actress and singer

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Copyright 2018 by Katie Hurley

Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Hurley, Katie, author.

Title: No more mean girls : the secret to raising strong, confident, and compassionate girls / Katie Hurley, LCSW.

Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017031973 (print) | LCCN 2017042115 (ebook) | ISBN 9781524704674 (E-book) | ISBN 9780143130864 (pbk.)

Subjects: LCSH: Daughters. | Parenting. | GirlsPsychology. | Compassion. | Self-confidence.

Classification: LCC HQ777 (ebook) | LCC HQ777 .H87 2018 (print) | DDC 306.874dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017031973

All names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

Cover design: Linet Huamn Velsquez

Cover photograph: Hero Images / Getty Images

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For my brother, John Godbout,
and for my oldest friend, Sarah Tonetti (the dream team)

To every girl who ever wonders, Am I good enough?
You are (and then some).

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words youll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

TAYLOR SWIFT

I dont want to go to school, Jenna told me. All the girls hate me, so Ill just sit by myself again while they laugh at me. I cant take it anymore! Peer cruelty is heartbreaking at any age, but Jenna was only seven years old.

Todays childhood reveals a troubling portrait for too many of our daughtersit can best be described as mean, calculating, and backstabbing. Whether rural or urban, rich or poor, the New American Girl seems crueler and more aggressive. Parents know it, and they worry for their daughters.

A Harris survey of 1,144 parents nationwide found that almost 70 percent of parents of three- to seven-year-olds worry that their children will be bullied. Whats more, parents of preschoolers and grade-school-age children are significantly more likely to worry than parents of teenagers. And our qualms are justified. Girl cruelty seems to be starting at younger ages.

Mean girl behavior is commonly referred to by professionals as relational or social aggression, but by worried parents as bullying. The mean girls goal is to damage the victims social standing by intentionally manipulating how others view her. And her methods are cold and calculatedthey can include deliberately isolating or excluding the victim, spreading vicious rumors or posting scandalous lies online, and creating situations to publicly humiliate her. And humiliate is what the mean girl does.