Erika V. Shearin Karres - Mean Chicks, Cliques, and Dirty Tricks: A Real Girls Guide to Getting Through it All

Title Page

Mean Chicks, Cliques, and Dirty Tricks, 2nd Edition

A Real Girls Guide to Getting Through It All

Erika V. Shearin Karres, EdD

Avon, Massachusetts

Copyright

Copyright 2010, 2004 by Erika V. Shearin Karres, EdD

All rights reserved.

This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any

form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are

made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by

Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.

57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

http://www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-4405-0376-1

ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0376-4

eISBN 10: 1-4405-0720-1

eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0720-5

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

is available from the publisher.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

Dedication

This book is for Elizabeth S. Hounshell and Dr. Mary D. Shearin, my two extraordinary daughters, and for Andrew M. Karres, my devoted husband, with all my love and thanks.

Also for June Clark, my amazing literary agent.

And for Andrea Norville, my brilliant editor, and all her outstanding colleagues at Adams Media, especially Meredith OHayre, for her beautiful and touching revision and for shepherding this second edition through! Thank you so much for your caring and kind assistance!

Contents

Acknowledgments

A very special thanks to all the girls who participated in my research and to my thoughtful teen readers and experts, especially to Anna Crossett.

Many thanks to Jim Jackson, a master teacher who has instructed and inspired tens of thousands of students.

And to Bettina Grahek. What a powerful educator and school leader she is!

Introduction

More than any other time in history, its a good time to be a girl. You have an incredible life ahead of you. You have so many choices, opportunities, and resources available to you. Things your mom, grandmother, and maybe even your older sister could only dream of are right at your fingertips. And now that youre a teenager, youre at the beginning of these most exciting times.

Yes, its all starting to happenthe thrilling times you were looking forward tolike having a bunch more freedom, independence, and a later curfew. Your drivers license is right around the corner. You may be looking forward to moving on to middle or high school and all the cool extracurricular activities you love like soccer, drama, and school dances, maybe even a boyfriend.

Fashion wise, youre coming more and more into your own by defining your personal tastes and finding what you like and what you loathe.

But most of all, right now is when you start standing on your own two feet and relating to your friends in a closer way. Now the camaraderie of other girls really rules, and all of you can have tons of fun. Considering that almost everyone has cell phones, Facebook pages, and e-mail accounts, you can always be connected and constantly have your best buds only a click away. Yay!

Things are way different from when I grew up. But I always had one thingthe determination to make sure other girls didnt have it as rough as I did, that they wouldnt have anything or anyone get in their way! Thats why I became a teacher, and later, what I am nowDr. Erika, an advice giver who listens to and helps girls in particular.

In pursuit of this dream, I got the necessary education and job experience. Later, my own daughters grew up to become accomplished and productive adults. And what a joy it is, in return, to be able to pay back this great country by my work as an author and girl guru.

While writing the first edition of this book and now this super updated one, I polled more than 1,000 teen girls who attend various middle and high schools, from small to large and from all over, and asked them (or had their teachers ask them) the following: What, in your opinion, is a major problem for girls today?

The girls blurted out, Other girls! They get in our way because theyre so mean. Their teachers agreed, saying, Thats right. We see signs of girls acting aggressively on a daily basis.

So I went back to the girls and asked: Have you ever been a victim of girls being mean or been witness to it? And without exception, they all nodded, Yes! And theyre even worse online. Some of the girls felt so strongly about the topic that they started peppering me with texts and e-mails, which you will see throughout the book.

New text from Brianne, 15: I think every girl has been hurt in some way or made fun of by another girl or a group of girls once in their life.

You have one new e-mail: Me & my friends have been cyber bullied constantly, and even on the phone. ~Kayla, 16

But when I asked the girls to give me some details on the behavior of their peers, all I got was silence. Their only response was to roll their eyes. Some of them just nervously looked down at their iPhones or BlackBerrys. It was clear that what had happened to them bothered them, and yet they had no clue how to fix the problem.

New text from Dory, 16: To ask a girl if shes ever been treated mean by another girl or girls [is] like asking if shes ever been around her peers.

Whoa! Looks like the subject of mean girls is pretty much taboo, even today! And the teachers responses? These were even worse; they really clammed up. They swept the meanness and cyber bullying under the rug.

Yet, like the girls, they admitted that the treatment among girls is a huge problem in their schools. They even fessed up that a lot of girls could do way better in class if they didnt have to worry about other girls being mean to them.

Could it be that the teachers were afraid to have one more job on their plates? Or were they afraid they were in over their heads? Maybe they were being bullied, too, not in texting but with mean note writing and nasty things written in the boys bathroom, and they thought girls picking on girls was just a part of growing up, you know?

Whatever the teachers reasons, a few girls were heroines by opening up to me. Sad personal stories poured in when I told them that I did not want to know:

Their names

The names of their schools

Their teachers names

The names of their towns, cities, or states

Anything that could identify them, their parents and families, or their backgrounds in any way. Also, all the names of the girls who contributed are changed to protect them.

Girls furiously texted, posted, and e-mailed me really sad stories.

You have one new e-mail: Have you ever made fun of another girl? If your answer is no, more than likely youre lying your head off. If your answer is yes, youre not totally a bad person. Youre just telling it like it is. ~Annie, 16

Soon, I had stacks of notes, texts, and e-mails about the ugly reality of girls hurting other girls, and how painful it is to be the butt of their cruel jokes or to be picked on for your looks. Even worse is when these mean messages are shared with everyone via Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter.