Verdolin - Wild connection: what animal courtship and mating tell us about human relationships

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A n enormous number of people have contributed to making this book a reality, and I am certain I will fail to mention many of them. First, thanks to Uwe Stender for believing in me. Along the way several individuals read various incarnations of the early chapters, listened to me relentlessly talk about ideas in bits and pieces, and helped me bring the vision into focus. For specific comments and discussions, a special thanks goes out to Gisele Kirtley, Harvey Whitehouse, Martin Burd, Rob Dunn, and Jeremy Van Cleve. For reviewing the manuscript, checking for errors, and offering helpful comments and suggestions, I am grateful to Aditi Pai, Ramona Walls, and Erika Tennant. Thanks also to everyone at Prometheus Books who worked to make this book a reality.

Naturally, I thank my mentors Drs. Con Slobodchikoff and Charlie Janson. I think I may have been the luckiest graduate student in the world to have had two amazing people guide me toward achieving my goals. You were very different advisors, yet you both let me blaze my own trail. Thanks for having faith in me. I hope to always make you proud.

Thanks to everyone at NESCent, the National Evolutionary Synthesis Center, for providing me a home while I completed this book. I am grateful to continue to be a part of the NESCent family, surrounded by amazing colleagues and mentors. Allen Rodrigo, Susan Allen, and Craig McClainI have been lucky to be mentored by you. Joseph Graves, as a mentor and a friend, your constant support and encouragement carried me through many challenging moments. Candace Brown, thanks for your friendship, support, hilarious visual ideas, and tolerating me popping into your office unannounced, spouting off about some crazy idea I had.

For all the coffee and interesting conversations, and for answering some of my very inappropriate questions, thanks to all the baristas at my local Starbucks: Justin, Drew, Grace, Emily, Enid, Nadia, Shasta, Burke, Henry, Jane, Taryn, Kate, Kate B., Caleb, Chris, Jared, Will, and Savane.

I have been lucky to have many friends rooting for me, providing me with a constant stream of encouragement, and discussing with me various thoughts and ideas, especially when I was frozen with writers block. Thanks to Glenda Kennedy, Elizabeth Sbrocco, Mary Barrera, Ron Anders, Liliana Dvalos, Jesse Bering, Stacey Biasetti Lunde, Greg Chambers, Stacey Tecot, Melissa Mark, Katya Stubing, Julie Meachen, Ricky Burch, Frank Mar, Caroline Lin, Cookie Marano Biasetti, Maryam Mohaghegh, Robert Ziems, Augustine Romano, Jessica Hagan, Craig Bruce, and Diane Charland James.

Thanks to mom, my brother Michael, and my sister-in-law Laarni for your support and encouragement. And to my amazing niece and nephew, Mia and Mikey: you are two of the coolest kids I know.

Lisa and Dan Colvard, between the talks over lunch, brunch, e-mail, and text, combined with the awesome illustrations, your support and friendship have been invaluable.

Thank you, Alison Hill, for your friendship and for sharing your expertise, not to mention for telling me repeatedly and with complete confidence that I could, in fact, write this book. You are a smart, fantastic woman and a great friend.

A special thank-you to Patti Ragan and all the apes at the Center for Great Apes, with a special pant hoot mention to Kenya, Noelle, Christopher, Pongo, and Knuckles. Patti, you gave me my first opportunity to be in the presence of many magnificent individuals and to be a part of realizing your dream of providing a safe haven for so many. I am forever grateful for the gifts you have brought to my life.

Jason Sager, without you, this book literally would not have happened. Not only did your thoughts, comments, and hours of discussion with me vastly improve the quality of the manuscript, but physically I would not have been able to complete this project without your help. Carolyn S. and Michelle C., you are right alongside Jason in having helped me get through this process. Thanks for being the wonderful healers that you are.

And finally, to my person (you know who you are), thanks for making this book better than it ever could have been without you. You helped me beyond measure; you kept me sane; you made me laugh, pushed me through barriers, and held my hand all the way.

AUTHORS NOTE

I hope that you enjoy your journey through this book. In the notes section you will be able to find all the references youll need if you want more information about the studies used throughout the book. Additionally, you may visit my Facebook page, Whats Your Wild Connection? at http://www.facebook.com/whatsyourwildconnection , where you can ask me questions about the animals or any of the topics discussed. You will also be able to find photos of the many different animals presented here. Lastly, I have dedicated this book to Grub, who was one of the most remarkable individuals I have had the honor of knowing. His death in 2011 left a hole in the hearts of all who were touched by his wisdom, kindness, and enthusiasm for life. I got my start working with animals at the Center for Great Apes, a sanctuary that provides a safe resting place for chimpanzees and orangutans in need of rescue and long-term care. Consequently, I have pledged 10 percent of the proceeds I receive from the sale of this book to the Center for Great Apes in memory of Grub. The sanctuary is always in need of donations, whether money or supplies. You can visit its website at http://www.centerforgreatapes.org to learn more about all the other special individuals being provided for.

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

I t wasnt until I was about eleven years old that I became acutely aware that there was a difference between boys and girls. Mind you, this was not a difference that I perceived, but rather, one that I was told existed. It all happened when I wanted to play little-league football. For as long as I could rememberwhich when you are eleven seems like an eternityI had played neighborhood tag football. You know, the kind where you draw the plays in the sand on the edge of the road, on the grass, or even on the back of your teammates T-shirt.

Anyway, I was told, unequivocally and without exception, that because I was a girl I was not permitted to play official little-league football. Only boys could play. This didnt make sense to me, especially since I had spent at least two years honing my football skills in the street.

I think the boys in the neighborhood got the same message, because suddenly they didnt want me to play with them anymore. The older I got, the more I noticed this pattern, and I remained perplexed. While all my girlfriends had visions of princes and castles, I had dreams of being a wide receiver in the NFL, despite the rules that clearly prevented me from participating.

The divergence didnt stop with sports. Soon after, I received a Barbie house for Christmas while my brother received the coveted erector set. Oh, how I was jealous of his erector set! Then, as I got older, the girls around me began thinking about what clothes to wear, which bag went with which outfit, and how to get the attention of that cute boy while I was trying to figure out how to climb that tree in the backyard, which mouse to play with, and how on earth I went from having two guinea pigs to six.

Into my twenties, the opposite sex remained a puzzle that I couldnt quite figure out. I knew I was attracted to men but, for the most part, I felt like (and wanted to be treated like) I was just one of the guys. As time went on, I became quite curious about this other sex, and I began to wonder if males were really so different from females. If they were, how did those differences influence how we interacted with each other? And why did it all seem so difficult?