Endorsements
This book is a groundbreaking look into what true, sacred biblical sexuality is intended to be and the root causes and ideas that damage a couples intimacy in marriage. Going straight to Scripture, the authors dig deep into ideologies that draw couples away from God-designed intimacy, and they seek to construct a framework for sexuality that is truly rooted in Scripture and Gods beautiful design, elevating sexuality and marriage to the glory and sacredness it was intended to have. This is a must-read.
Rachael Denhollander , lawyer, victim advocate, and author of What Is a Girl Worth?
This book is so incredibly powerful! If youve ever read a Christian book on sex and marriage, you owe it to yourself to read this one. Armed with extensive survey data and equipped with compassion and common sense, the authors dismantle the devastating myths long promoted by Christian leaders that have caused untold damage to generations of Christian women. Equal parts distressing and liberating, this book is desperately needed in this moment.
Kristin Kobes Du Mez , author of Jesus and John Wayne
I cannot think of a more important book (outside of the Bible) that you must read. This book is the authentic gut punch that the evangelical community needs. This exposes our historic dismal handling of sexuality and gives us a clear path forward to sexual maturity, wholeness, and health. I already want to read it again and will surely be telling my network to purchase this vital guide. Thank you for such a seminal work!
Andrew J. Bauman , LMHC, cofounder and director of the Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health and Trauma
The Great Sex Rescue is exactly the type of book on sex I would want my college students reading. This next generation has been personally burned by bad Christian sex advice. Both women and men will benefit from The Great Sex Rescue , but I think young adults may benefit most.
Dr. Heather Thompson Day , author of Confessions of a Christian Wife and professor of communications at Colorado Christian University
This book should be required reading for all married Christians. Growing up in the evangelical Christian world taught me very little about what a healthy sexual dynamic should look like other than Dont do it until youre married. Then do it all the time! Its time we deconstruct the destructive and harmful teachings that have gone unchallenged for so long and embrace a truly cross-centric view of sexuality, and for that I can think of no better resource than this book.
Travis Albritton , The Practical Christian Podcast
With Sheilas years of experience and passionate heart for marriages and individuals struggling with sexual disconnection, her current research provides new insights that speak truthfully and directly to how the world of Christianity has not always provided the support or adequately addressed the hurts of those needing biblical love and direction. I applaud her and her team for their compassion, for their sound research, and for becoming a voice for women who are confused and hurting by what God never meant to be distortedhis design for beautiful and loving sexuality without shame or guilt.
Sheri Mueller , MA, LCPC, Growthtrac Ministries
Title Page
Copyright Page
2021 by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 495166287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2021
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-2880-9
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified Bible (AMP), copyright 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org
Scripture quotations labeled KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.
Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
This publication is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed. It is not intended to replace the advice of trained health care professionals.
Some names and details have been changed or presented in composite form in order to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.
Dedication
From Joanna and Rebecca:
To our children. May you know how valued and precious you are to Christ and to us, and may you grow up free of the lies that have entangled so many.
From Sheila:
To The Act of Marriage s Aunt Matilda, and all the women like her. We see you. We hear you. And we are so, so sorry.
Contents
Cover
Endorsements
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
1. What Happened to Sex?
2. Dont Sleep with Someone You Dont Know
3. Bridging the Orgasm Gap
4. Let Me Hear Your Body Talk
5. Do You Only Have Eyes for Me?
6. Your Spouse Is Not Your Methadone
7. I Want You to Want Me
8. Becoming More than Roommates
9. Duty Sex Isnt Sexy
10. When Duty Becomes Coercion
11. Just Be Nice
12. From Having Intercourse to Making Love
13. Where Do We Go from Here?
Appendix: The Books We Studied for This Project
Acknowledgments
Notes
Back Ads
Back Cover
CHAPTER 1
What Happened to Sex?
Sex is a gift from God.
How often have we heard that? It sounds kind of like something your parents would say right after theyve scarred you by telling you where babies come from.
Or it sounds like something youre told in premarital counseling, right before your red-faced counselor quickly turns the pages and says, Now, lets talk about who wants to do the vacuuming.
Its something that your pastor says from the pulpit when he cant talk about sex too explicitly, but he really, really, really wants everyone to know how great it is. And youre trying hard not to look his wife in the face while he says it.
But for some of us who have been married for a while, the idea of sex as a gift seems more like that awful Christmas sweater your grandma knit for you in sixth grade that you had to wear for a week even though everybody knew it was lame.
Sure, its a gift. But you really would have preferred an Xbox.
Then there are those of you who know its a gift. You know sex is amazing. But it feels more like a gift that you got to open, only to be told to wrap it back up and put it on a shelf to keep it safe. It sits up there, still in sight but unused.
Your sex life is up on a shelf.
Its a gift youre not allowed to enjoy because your spouse doesnt see it as a gift. So its out of reach, gathering dust, taunting you.
We, the authors of this book, want to tell you up front that we get it.