Abigail Bray - Misogyny Re-Loaded

Abigail Bray is an autonomous writer (and lifelong vegetarian) who lives in the South of France. Dr Bray has held research positions at universities in Australia and has published numerous peer-reviewed articles on embodiment, violence, moral panics and sexualisation. Her last book was Big Porn Inc: Exposing the Harms of the Global Pornography Industry (Spinifex, 2011) edited with Melinda Tankard Reist. She is an inaugural inductee in the U.N.-sponsored Western Australian Womens Hall of Fame.

Other books by Abigail Bray

Hlne Cixous: Writing and Sexual Difference (2004)

Body Talk: A Power Guide for Girls (2005) with Elizabeth Reid Boyd

Big Porn Inc: Exposing the Harms of the Global Pornography Industry (2011) with Melinda Tankard Reist

MISOGYNY RE-LOADED

Abigail Bray

First published by Spinifex Press 2013

Spinifex Press Pty Ltd

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North Melbourne, Victoria 3051

Australia

www.spinifexpress.com.au

Copyright Abigail Bray

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Editors: Susan Hawthorne and Renate Klein

Copy editor: Maree Hawken

Cover design: Deb Snibson

Typesetting: Palmer Higgs

Typeset in Bembo and Futura

Indexer: Karen Gillen

Printed by McPhersons Printing Group

National Library of Australia

Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

Bray, Abigail, 1966 author.

Misogyny re-loaded / Abigail Bray.

9781876756901 (paperback)

9781742195476 (ebook : epub)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

Misogyny.

Women in popular culture.

Feminine beauty (Aesthetics).

Human bodySocial aspects.

WomenSocial life and customs.

WomenSocial conditions.

WomenViolence against.

Manwoman relationships.

305.4

This project has been assisted by the Australian Government through the Australia Council for the Arts, its arts funding and advisory body.

They made it clear from the start that the slightest deviation from the norm would be punished. They turned everything into prisons, even our own bodies.

Wear pink. Play with dolls. Look in the mirror. Go to school. Learn to smile when they abuse you. Diet, wax, apply make-up, and swallow your medication. Follow fashion. Work. Consume. Be silent. Give him a porn star experience. Get married. Shop, cook, wash, iron, dust, vacuum, scrub and polish. Work a 15-hour shift (but dont call housework work). Get into debt. Have children. Stay married (or theyll destroy you and your children). Watch TV. Wear stilettos. Obey their laws. Save for your old age. Now repeat after me: I am free.

Just to make sure I knew who my masters were they spat on me, groped me, pinched me, grabbed me and shoved me at school, in the street, in homes, on buses, in parks, pubs, clubs, everywhere. They shouted at me from cars, building sites, pub windows and doors, everywhere that I was a slut, an ugly bitch, a fat slag, a stupid cow, a skinny cow, a sexy dog, that they would fuck me, hit me, damage me, and destroy me. They made grunting noises and flapped their tongues. They raped me, beat me, pulled the hair out of my head, and kicked me. They threatened to kill me and told me to kill myself. They always wanted to know my weight, size, age and height as though this information was useful for their plans. They harassed me when I studied or worked, they just wouldnt leave me alone. Then they told me I lacked a sense of humour.

I had nightmares about them and was afraid to walk the streets at night.

Get over it, they said. (But how can you get over something that never stops?)

When I spoke about it they said I had a victim mentality and I needed to move on and let go of the past. Often the past they spoke about was a few hours ago, yesterday, or the week before.

You are too sensitive, they said. You can choose to move on from your disempowering negative attitude. Be compassionate, practise forgiveness. They said, You are 110% responsible for everything that happens in your life, and you have no one to blame but yourself. (You know you want it.)

They told me to forget all about the historical oppression of women because they got that sorted in the 1970s. They told me all of this even though I could still remember the day when I was a child and I discovered that the word girl was an insult. Girl. The inferior sex. The more she grows the more her inferiority shows itself in her body.

I carved their hatred into my skin, I overdosed on their hate and starved my body with a hundred diets because I did what they told me to, and I took it personally. They said, We have pills to help you take responsibility for your life. Do yourself a favour, give yourself a chance, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. They threatened me with electric shock therapy when I refused their pills.

They said, A woman is nothing without a man. Never admit to being treated badly by a man or we will punish you. Get married and be cruel to single women. Stay married because we destroy single mothers.

They said I was stupid so I studied for seven years and got a PhD. Afterwards they said, You think too much, stop thinking, you talk too much, stop talking. When I disagreed with them they asked me if my period was due. They sniggered, sneered, rolled their eyes, laughed, and turned their backs. When I spoke they pretended I didnt exist.

They came up to me in the street and asked me why I wasnt smiling. Smile! they shouted at me, it makes you look pretty!

They told me I needed to pay a therapist to teach me how to be normal. I asked her if she thought there might be a power imbalance between the sexes and she looked at me silently for five minutes. Then she said, sighing with impatience, Its not about him its about you. How do you feel? What have you done to invite this situation into your life? I said, Listen I didnt start this, theyve been coming after me since I was a kid, I cant seem to shake them off, theyre everywhere, they even seem to have control of the media and the government. She said I sounded paranoid, that I might be having a psychotic split from reality and offered to have me committed. I said, Have you heard of something called the womens liberation movement?

Year after year I watched the women and girls around me taking it personally, and in desperation telling each other to take it personally. They turned against each other and fought over men, clothes, handbags, shoes, rings, washing machines, haircuts, couches, bras, the shape of each others bodies, housework, children, jobs. They dieted, did a bit of bulimia on the side, stabbed each other in the back, took up pole dancing, had burlesque parties, did a bit of home-made porn, took antidepressants, and boasted about how loved they were by the men who oppressed them.